I don't believe he ever did, at least when in full control of his mouth. He might have called her that while unconscious and mumbling, or perhaps with his mouth so stuffed with food that he couldn't pronounce anything right. But I'm not even sure there.

 

The best part is that with the Taboo business, they're all digging their own graves potentially.

 

Err... actually, everybody speaking the name renders the Taboo useless, unless Voldemort controls a substantial percentage of the wizarding population (20%+). Which, as can be inferred from canon, he doesn't.

 

Everyone in Dumbledore's Army is hardly "everybody" - that's all I'm saying.

 

But Voldemort wants to be called Voldemort. If they wanted to piss him off, they should call him Tom Riddle.

 

Read a crack!fic a while back, where he really wanted to be called Voldemort, but people couldn't spell that. So he killed a newspaper journalist, writing on the walls in blood "You know who did this. You know why they did this" or something. The public seized on you-know-who as it was easy to spell.

Or something like that.

 

On the surface that Taboo thing was a nice idea but it would be the perfect way to organize some ambushes and decimate Riddle's forces easily until he could adapt. I've only read one fic where this approach was used though.

 

Really? I thought it was a common idea, you can see it in most seventh year divergence fics

 

Possibly a rehash of something that's been mentioned already, but I think my fanfiction experience would be enhanced greatly if I never had to read another "Arthur/Sirius/Remus gives Harry/Ron/whoever The Talk" scene, always capitalized for some inane reason.

 

A search of the text turns up zero results.

Granted, they have some spelling errors here and there, from being scanned, but it's accurate enough I feel there are no instances of 'Mione.

Fuck yes. If I could give you two thumbs up for that post, I would. I don't know if I mentioned it in this thread yet or not, but pretty much any gag centering around "The Talk" pisses me off.

It's a tired gag to begin with, but the fics that try to be serious and give Harry a father/son moment with Sirius, Remus, or Hermione's father just bug me. I just don't want to read "A Very Special Episode" of Harry Potter.

First off: Maybe it's just me projecting, but I've always felt that, by the time Harry's a fifth year student or older, he no longer has any desire to have parents. Family? Sure. Parents? No. He had a set; now they're dead.

Second: The worst is where Harry has no clue how reproduction works, to the point where he's sure someone having their period has been injured or is bleeding to death. There is no one remaining on Earth, in any area where cars and utility cables are within your line of sight, where anyone old enough to have smelly armpits is this clueless.

Or at least I'd like to think so.

THEY TEACH THIS SHIT IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, PEOPLE!

Any leeway you get on this subject from Harry being a sheltered cupboard-dweller is shot to hell by the fact the Dursleys wouldn't want to be saddled with the financial responsibilities incurred by Harry getting "some tart up the duff" through his ignorance.

And when Hermione is clueless too, there's just no excuse. Even if her school didn't teach the basics, she'd have read them in her free time.

And I would assume that, in this day and age, a girl would like to know WHY she's bleeding, rather than treating the symptoms in blissful ignorance. So, again, a fifth year Hermione who needs "The Talk" is ridiculous.

What probably makes this worse is the number of times the Grangers have given this speech to Harry and Hermione (and whoever else has joined the harem), knowing the information will probably get used in the next few days. But, hey, the Grangers are cool with it because dentists are known for being hip to the teen sex, and because they understand that Harry and Hermione are not only magical, and thus exempt from mundane social mores, but avatars for an author's wish fulfillment scenarios.

Having your girlfriend's (or girlfriends') parents give you carte blanche to plow their daughter in their own house, as long as you've had "The Talk" may sound vaguely cool, on the surface but, even as a horny teen, there would have been something inherently creepy about them telling you how long you could microwave the massage oil before you're risking serious burns. uke:

"Gee... thanks, Mrs. Granger, but I think I'll leave now and go find a girlfriend who's also an orphan. Later!"

 

Someone wrote a series, based on numerous different people giving Harry 'The Talk' a while back. It was mildly amusing, and I smiled a few times. However, it was only mildly amusing at best.

 

Does anyone even have The Talk anymore? My parents have never given it to me and I knew what sex was just by existing. Hell, I was watching porn at 11, and if my classmates are any indication, that's the norm these days. I think The Talk is now regulated to poor family sitcoms, 'cause it sure as hell seems out of date.

Which brings me to another pet peeve that's already been brought up, but deserves restating: anachronisms. When people in Harry Potter (set in the time of the books, anyway) are walking around with iPads, I just want to bash the authors face in. Some authors set their fics in the modern day to get around this, which is just lazy and yet another pet peeve.

 

THIS. The authors usually write an AN that might as well consist of 'its set in da modurn day so harry can has a iphone, LOLZ'

 

I'm sorry if I repeat but I hate when authors put their favorite characters on pedestals or pointlessly bash their hated characters. It's character assassination and terrible writing. I usually see this with Remus and Dumbledore characterization respectively. I have read countless fics on how "great" Remus has been to Harry, how he's always been there for Harry, like a second Godfather, and Harry will go cry on his shoulder and angst and bemoan his crappy existence/life.:fire There's always the use of the dreaded word "cub," too. I also hate when people bash Dumbledore and turn his character into a one dimensional villain. Poorly done manipulative Dumbledore makes my blood boil. >_>

Can you tell I just read a story with the above characterizations?

 

Another thing that's been bothering me is that in stories that place during or after DH that mention Harry's use of the unforgivables, usually just brush it off because "it's okay because they weren't illegal at the time" or some such nonsense.

I mean, the authors do realize that it's not that they are illegal that makes them unforgivable, but the reason why they are illegal?

I don't know, it's not like I want them to make a big deal out of it either but it just feels like the author is making it out that Harry (and McGonagall too, I guess) can do no wrong.

 

I am sick of seeing Harry Potter getting told that he is similar to Voldemort or Snape or ___ by the freaking sorting hat. It gets even worse when they have a long conversation and the hat explains everything to him. Or when Harry breaks a record for taking a ridiculously long sorting.

During the sorting ceremony... the hat sorts... that is all. -_-

 

"Doing nothing" is quite different from "starting to train so he can beat him in a straight duel within one or two years".

Dumbledore actually had the right of it - what good does it do to stick Harry into training for a few years? Even if he's talented in DADA and applies himself, he's up against a prodigy with half a century headstart. His multiple animagus form isn't going to make up for it...

 

Muggle-born students will not say stuff like "Merlin's pants!", especially in their first year. They are MUGGLE-born, they won't automatically swear like wizards.

 

Yup.

Oh, and if I see the words 'Dumbledore' and 'Grandfatherly' used in the same sentence one more fucking time, I'm going to hunt down the cuntish author and give him a cola can enema.

That's a perfect case of 'telling people, not showing people.'

 

I'm sorry if I repeat, but I hate the fact that many authors make Hermione father in something like 6'4", weight 280 pounds of pure muscle. Also often "Dan" used to play rugby in university or some shit like this. Hermione's parents are nudist, and when she invites Harry on vacation he lose clothes very quick and shags her in/by the pool where she teach him how to swim, after standard shopping in Harrods or some other luxury shop ...