Holy shit, I stopped writing a reply to Taure regarding canon Transfiguration over this one:

How do you cook a phoenix ?​

/mind blown
/not sleeping tonight
/AwwYeah Sig wasn't appropriate for this

 

You don't need to. It's already cooked and ready to be eaten.

 

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If it was cooked already, it wouldn't be able to move while alive. Or it'd be dead - but phoenixes don't die.

No one is solving this one, it's tripping me the fuck out.

 

Nyet.

If you should 'kill' and eat phoenix, it would burn to ash and then be reborn within your bowels.

In Soviet Russia, bird cooks you.

 

One word - magic.

 

What would happen to a werewolf if he was on the moon?

 

- What would happen if a werewolf kept apparating to a side of the world where it was daylight during full moons ?

 

If I anesthetized someone, and then cut off their finger without telling them, and left it very close to the cut, would they be able to apparate the finger?

 

-In PoA, didn't Lupin change when the clouds cleared and hence the moon was out? If that's the case, why would werewolves change when they're indoors or underground? How far away from seeing the moon does one have to be to not be affected?

-Also in PoA: if the trio witnessed buckbeak's death prior to using the time-turner and before they saved him, then that means that time changing for them is not circular - ie. things will appear different for them second time around. But if that's the case, how could that stone they threw at the window have warned them first time around, and how could Harry have driven off the dementors first time?

So the real question is this: at least one of those events must have been manipulated for time-travel to actually work - so were there two buckbeaks to be executed, or first time around did someone else drive the dementors away while looking like Harry, and throw the stone at Hagrid's window? /fixing plot holes with ridiculous ideas

 

If you're very good at Apparating, can you intentionally splinch your beard away?

If you side-along someone, could you 'forget' their clothes?

Rookwood's rejoinder:

If you can induce a splinch, would you be able to amputate a limb? How about their head? If you moved a replacement limb into the position where the old one was left behind, would the return Apparation and de-splinching charm re-attach the different limb? What if it were a different kind of limb, like a monkey's hand or another arm instead of the leg that was lost?

 

Common misconception: they didn't witness the execution, they just heard the thud of an axe: later, when they cam back in time, they discovered that the thud was Macnair hitting the fence with it.

 

Exactly what spells did Hagrid use to cross breed a Manticore (ostensibly an intelligent mammal, whose skin is immune to charms) and a fire-crab (which is actually a kind of magical tortoise), such that he ended up with blast-ended skrewts?

Did the manticore owe him a favour or something?

If he wasn't using a broken wand hidden in an umbrella to do it, would it have turned out better?

 

1. Imperio.
2. "Start fucking."
3. ???
4. Profit.

 

To clarify:

I think step 3. ??? needs some work.


Also, "Step 1. Imperio."?

We know how Macnair would make it happen. This is Hagrid we're talking about.

 

Hagrid's kinda a DIY man. Give him a bottle of whisky, a bucket, (maybe a glove,) ten minutes alone with that manticore, and then a syringe; and we'll soon have skrewts popping out of that fire crab.

 

Unforgivables are legal to use on animals. That said:

Step 2: "Alrigh' then -Imperio. You, no bitin'. An' you, no fire-farting, our li'l friend here just wants ter make yer aquaintance. Now then, assume th' position - there's a good girl."

Step 3: Clarification.

 

Nice try, but no fucking way am I clicking that link.

 

I always wondered where that started.

Anyway, the ??? for me is 'and which spells, exactly, allow the mammal seed to impregnate the fire-boweled reptile?'

I mean, Aberforth hasn't been able to make satyrs come out of Gertrude or Gladys and they're all mammals...


(While I'm seeking enlightenment... hey Oz- what's the deal with the mustache kid? He seems familiar)

 

Or there could be a bunch of satyrs running around in an orphanage somewhere.