Trying to get into this story.... is pretty fucking hard. Half of the first chapter is written in inter monologue/ retrospective italics, and that is really tiresome. And the whole things starts off prattling about Occlumency. Occlumency should never play a huge part in any story, and its just a burden to read, especially when thrown at us so early.

Of course, somehow a twelve year old Harry wrecks the Basilisk with dark magic and kills Riddle with the Killing Curse. All of which he found from the Library. It's all a bit contrived and shallow, description wise. The way he describes dark magic is just so frustratingly standard... and standard is pretty awful.

That's just way too much shit that I dislike for me to want to continue. There's really nothing in the first chapter that begs me to continue reading. And skimming through some of the reviews, it seems a lot of my gripes never disappear. Anyways, I guess I'm a bit late to this party regardless.

 

I don't really find the mindscape bothersome in general. I just think he failed to do anything interesting with it here. I'm looking forward to him fixing Daphne. I see no reason why she manages to always stay above it.

 

I disagree. Author gives background information because the mental arts are a setting of conflict and conflict resolution such as the fight - a conflit between two parties - between dumbledore and harry. Furthermore, he has written about the mental arts skills of hp before incarcerenation suggesting azkaban did not form the evil persona that he is at present, only catalyzed its formation. To extend the chemistry analogy, hp's murder of the dursleys, murder that comes from hot passion, not cold blooded preplanned murder, was the transition state - the barrier of energy to be overcome for reactant - harry as an innocent child, extending jk rowling's theme of all children being innocent (with tom riddle being the exception that proves the rule) - and the product, harry as as a young wizard who has meddled with the dark arts, and has been seduced by its false call.

A huge facet of the dark arts is the mental arts, and as such author must give specifics. Mainly because jk rowling only glossed over the mental arts, that too from the perspective of defending from legilimncy. here we see a different aspect of legilimency as something physical in nature. authors metaphors of "a mental backhand" have appeared numerous times. Being as it is one of the pillars of the dark arts user, it could very well be used in the future as a weapon for murder, for hot passion to come into play - the resolve and fire he feels runnng up his spine during confrontation with dumbeldore about HIS property - when harry has no other weapon and is utterly defenseless, such as i remind you in his incarceration within the most feared of prisons in the wizarding world.

Coming back to the chemistry analogy, the kinetics of the forecasted reaction (my own prediction) ie the time it takes for him as he is at present to be lord voldemort's equal, seems to occur quickest with greater energy input ie greater conflict. from every conflict he inevitably comes out all the more powerful. he fought the dementor and recieved its powerful artefacts, one which protects harry from others of its like. i hypothesize the chimera's blood will likewise make harry more powerful in same way or other, because CONTROL is sort of like dragon ball z. over 9000 just isnt enough.

This part sounds better in present tense imo.

best if summarized in few sentences - too dense textbook material....

The subconscious is the seat of of hat passions: desires and emotions. But cold rational is absent... etc

 

That's what is bothering me about Daphne, the relationship or tentative friendship is developing too fast. I don't think Harry would relate to other people easily and should be a bit more annoyed at her clinging to his arm the whole time.

The part with Tracey was good. He just had to snap sometime and this stupid girl used him to intimidate some children like he was a bad mafia thug, and then the constant comments about his cloak. They seem to have forgotten that Harry brutally murdered several people, spend a year in Azkaban and is now throwing heavy dark magic around and aparently enjoys messily slaughtering dragons...

The interaction with Dumbledore was very good. Harry is slipping through his fingers and all he does is just making Harry hate him more. Doesn't he realise that he can't really control him with cruel threats forever? And how he expects Neville to defeat Voldemort when he must pressure a psychopthic murderer into babysitting him I have no idea.
I can't wait to see Harry finally take revenge on him.

I also like the scenes in the mindscape. They show Harry's emotional progress and are the only place where he can even think about his actions, reasons and emotional state. Without them we wouldn't really know what's going on inside Harry, they are necessary and not badly written.

 

I'm gonna have to agree with Kalypso on this. I'm honestly surprised the Harry that is in this story took that long to snap at one of his "friends". I mean seriously, this is the guy who brutally murdered his relatives, tried to kill Dumbledore, and killed two aurors, all in cold blood I might add, then spent years in Azkaban, with Belatrix fucking Lestange, and these three seem to think he's some sort of glorified bouncer to them. I want to see him do what he did to Tracey, to all of them, remind them who he is. But that's just me.

 

Well using him to intimidate children is pretty much exactly why they're hanging around him in the first place. I simply don't see why he hasn't snapped at Daphne yet. Blaise isn't bad at all. Tracy is kind of annoying but he can shut her up easily. Daphne will seek him out to annoy him and is the only one he can't silence.

Pirazy also had a point about Albus' threat not being a big deal. I say Harry could take a step further than he suggested and simply buy a house in Hogsmeade with a floo connection.

 

Don't forget that he was able to summon enough will, at age 12, to put his best friend under an Imperius curse.

Reading the story again, I have a lot more problems with it. The mindscape scenes annoy me and I tend to gloss over them, and the strength of magic he is casting at age 12 is simply unbelievable.

That aside, I enjoy the story despite its faults.

 

I think it's mentioned that the Imperius cursed only worked on Tonks because he fooled her into thinking that he was the one being attacked and used her affection for him so that she didn't resist the Imperius.

 

I don't think it's unbelievable to learn three dark arts spells in a year, regardless of strength.

 

Yeah... it's all about intent! Abuse gave him enough intent and focus, beyond the ordinary 12 year old wizard. He wants it bad.

 

Don't be thick. It's a fucking spell, it shouldn't take longer than 15 minutes to learn.

 

I agree but he had to have Harry learn the spell for plot reasons, doesn't make it any less annoying

 

I don't understand how this fic is so well received.

Harry is just about as overpowered as it is possible to be. He's had what, a second year's education and hes going around with a mastery of mind magic, subduing Aurors with ease, casting unforgivables and other powerful dark spells np, slaying dragons, basilisks, unkillable dementors and a horde of acromantula just for the lulz? I mean yeah I don't want to read about a weak pussy protagonist but there's a point where it all gets a bit ridiculous.

On top of that we have other tripe like him being in slytherin when hes about as far from subtle, ambitious and cunning as it's possible to be. I mean sure if he want's to kill the Dursleys fine, but it wouldn't be too hard to, IDK, stab them, burn down the house, poison them or w.e. and atleast have a slight chance of getting away with it rather than jumping into the living room flinging spells willy nilly.

Then we have Snape randomly respecting him a little when tbh this Harry is exactly the type he should/would be trying to get thrown from Hogwarts, and finally the Harry/Tonks relationship which seems to be in there as part of the author going out of his way to add whatever cliches he can to the story.

There's probably more that I'm missing, but w/e.

I'd give this a 2/5 since it's kind of fun to read, but it really shouldn't be anything more than a guilty pleasure imo. It's like a (much) worse version of that Deprived story in the almost recommendable thread.

 

LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Not that what you said doesn't hold a measure of truth, but don't go full retard.

 

I actually prefer Deprived to this story. It has a LOT of the same flaws, but IMO it's a bit more believable (because Harry there has known of / studied magic like 4+ times as long, and because Hate keeps on going on about how the others have the same potential but aren't as driven as Harry, while in this fic Harry is just randomly 200x more powerful and knowledgeable than everyone else.)

I'm not saying it's library material, it's unoriginal etc, I just pointed it out since IMO it's a somewhat similar fic and it's response is vastly different to this ones.

 

I'd say Harry's only 200 times more powerful(not more knowledgeable). Everything else stems from that. His mastery of mind magic came only after he honed it in prison.

I don't think he was trying to get away with killing the Dursleys. He lost it and slaughtered them then went on a rampage.

I'm not sure if Snape respects him all that much. This Snape is so smart he sometimes seems omniscient. I doubt he didn't know about the abuse Harry took. With him also being Lily's son and in his house I can see this weird relationship forming.

 

The response is vastly different, and rightly so, because Anomynous58's writing is several notches better than Deprived's author's, so readers choose to forgive the elements you pointed out, or just bought into the story. I feel bad for this story when you compare it to Deprived, which is trash.

You can't even play the subjectivity card because it has to meet the minimum requirements first, and it isn't there. Otherwise, people would be comparing generic time-travel stories titled Second Chance to Wastelands of Time, or indeed, Deprived to Control.

 

I don't think the story is really about Harry and his power or lack thereof. It's a story about the cost of it all, which is exactly what a DarkLord!Potter fic should be about. I've read plenty of stories where he slowly but surely grows in power. Here, he's taken all the shortcuts, and he is paying for it with his humanity. And that, correctly done, defining worth reading.

 

I used to like Deprived. The writing and plot were not bad and the chapters were short enough to make me feel like I wasn't wasting too much time over it. The Harry in Deprived was pretty much the same you see in any of the dark!butnotevil!Harry fics you see littered about FFnet because the redemption is so clearly displayed in front of the reader from the get go.

The relationship with Fleur, the friendship with Luna and not to mention the ridiculous conversations with Hate (don't even get me started on that) - it's just so obvious. You know pretty much from the get go where to story is going.

But the last chapter was probably one of the worst I've read in a while. A chapter long of the angst bleeding off my computer screen.

The good thing about this story is that the path to redemption isn't apparent to the reader or if it will even exist. The Harry here, is actually a dark personality not some white knight with mommy and daddy issues.

So please do not compare this fic with Deprived, they aren't even in the same realm of characterization, plot, and uniqueness.

 

I'm sorry, but comparing Deprived to this? Deprived was a guilty pleasure at best; that's why it was in almost recommendable.

That story is about a Harry Potter who somehow leaves his home as a small child using the most ridiculous unbelievable retarded and contrived reason, then becoming more powerful than God and also establishing a reputation as the most dangerous man in the world among Hitmen by the age of 14. When Deprived!Harry faces off with the Dragon, he's going to cut its head off with a sword in a single swing. And the swing will be so fast that no one (dragon included) will be aware that it even happened until aforementioned head falls off.

Harry in this story isn't that powerful. He kills a warden through force of will, which is the same reason for Harry's Godlike power in Deprived, except here it isn't godlike. He sacrificed his lifeblood dangerously to kill the dragon, and he nearly died because of it. Yes, he's stronger than your average bear, but that is because he is driven to fight because he saw Ginny, his "port in the storm," murdered in front of him while he was too weak to help her.

Control is leaps and fucking bounds away from Deprived. I like deprived, but it's absolute trash compared to this. This story actually has conflict. Godlike Harry isn't so godlike if he can barely beat a dragon. For fuck's sake, an entire band of bloodthirsty ruthless bounty hunters were beneath Harry's notice in Deprived. He let his servant (his immortal, unstoppable, godlike servant) take care of them.