5. Leila and Sirriah: Marauder's Daughter » by Little-Miss-Marauder7
This story takes place when Remus, Nymphadora and Sirius's Daughters Leila Lunadora Lupin and Sirriah Jaylee Black travel through Hogwarts as best friends. Takes place after the war starting with the epilogue scene in DH. From Leila's POV. First FF ever!
Rated: T - English - Friendship/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,137 - Updated: 12-7-11 - Published: 10-22-11 - Teddy L. & OC

Took me 30 seconds of looking to find this.
Finding bad summaries on FF.net is like shooting fishes in a barrel

 

Hmm, I guess I could stand the stupid alliteration(JK used it after all) and unoriginal naming( it's even expected from a fangirl) but

Sirriah ?
How retarded can they be?It reminds me of the brilliant people who gave Voldemort a daughter and named her Voldemorta and Voldemortina.
Oh, and it sounds like a country.

 

Dad? » by Byproduct of Evil reviews
Rating may be subject to change. Another Voldy is Harry's father fic. In the summer after Harry finds out the truth about his parentage, he gets kidnapped by his dear old dad. What will happen now?

I laughed. Then felt stupid for doing so.

 

cough*starwars*cough

 

And it can get worse, really really worse:

So basically Voldemort raises Harry then fucks him.:facepalm
I don't think I want to know what's worse than that.

 

No, there's a lot worse. Check out the WTF fics thread. :\

 

Why would anyone read or write this?

 

I've written a certain number of intentionally terrible one-shots as gags.

---------- Post automerged at 05:28 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:24 PM ----------

This one is a wonderful example, and I refuse to read the rap battle fic on the basis that, until I do so, I can pretend it's a joke in the same vein.

 

Why would you ever, EVER, admit to having trolled. DLP will chew you up, and spit you out matey, much like pumpkin seeds, or a particularly unpleasant skittle.

 

The first chapter features Remus vs Dracula. Ignoring the ridiculousness of Dracula rapping, he's clearly an opera man. He isn't a harry potter character!

 

Because my signature and avatar together demand that I admit to minor trolling, to keep in character. I'm already bending the rules by typing normally.


Also, Remus vs Dracula having a rap-off that takes 198 words, including author's notes, strikes me as patently ridiculous. Temptation to actually read this thing rising.

 

This was on the first page on FF.net :

I don't care how short it is, I'm not opening it. theEternalNewb, want to redeem yourself by reading this?

 

I just read the pigeon story. I have to say, it's the best Harry Potter story where all characters are pigeons about Harry and Snape under a thousand words written in December that I have ever read.

 

There are three lies in that summary.

"Sweet", "not crackfic", and "Snarry."

Technically, Beaky/Featherus would be "Sneaky".



Going into it expecting crack, it's really kinda hilarious, and it says mild slash, but if you don't feel like noticing that bit it's easy to pretend it's just some kind of mentor thing.

And Birdemort made me chuckle.

---------- Post automerged at 02:01 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:57 AM ----------

Or cannibals. Instead of pretending there's a mentor thing you could pretend they're both cannibals. I suggest this one, for comedic purposes.

 

doing my bi-monthy trawl through the gutter/cesspit known as the HP/DG filter on FFN. As usual, it doesn't disappoint.

7. Unchained » by kolchaksghost reviews
For CombatWars contest. Dumbles names Neville the BWL. The Potter twins return almost ten years later. Will Hogwarts survive the old man's manipulations until the time comes for the Potter's to be unchained. AU HP/FD/DG TD/OC
Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 48,298 - Reviews: 184 - Updated: 12-12-11 - Published: 10-5-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

I can't find a single word in that Summary that would peak my interest into reading it. It's just reeks of cookie-cutter shitfest, and I'd hoped that by nearly 2012 people would stop writing that shit.

9. Prince of Slytherin » by Lord Cartwright reviews
This is the rewritten and revamped story, to be the best. in this story, Harry is in Slytherin, is more colder and a lot more similar to Lord Voldemort than ever before. will he fight for the Light, Dark or himself and his own side? HP/DG...
Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 43,291 - Reviews: 305 - Updated: 12-11-11 - Published: 7-15-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

Just... :facepalm Is it so hard to write an semi-original concept that involves her?

11. Frozen Gold » by Vince23 reviews
When the Ice Queen likes the Golden Boy and an american transfer student come into the school, things change for the group. New friends, new challenges, different solutions. Rated M for language and eventual adult themes and scenes.
Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 37,478 - Reviews: 30 - Updated: 12-10-11 - Published: 11-17-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

[X] Ice Queen
[X] Golden Boy
[X] American Transfer Student
[X] Lost will to live

13. Harry Potter And The Bloodline Of Lust » by O Jordinio O reviews
Born in 1984 instead of 1981 Harry Potter is three years younger than his normal year group and still is the bwl, unfortunately because of his rather large amount of magical power, the potter bloodline works even harder! Lemon Fic!
Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 32,997 - Reviews: 250 - Updated: 12-8-11 - Published: 8-7-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

I don't get it. The author made Harry younger, so he can diddle older girls, instead of girls his own age, and I'm guessing that Harry is probably 11 when he starts. Right.

15. When The Truth Comes Out » by ElizabethBlack-7 reviews
What if no one found Harry Potter when he ended up in Knockturn Alley before his second year? Sirius gets out a year earlier and reveals to Harry the life he should have known. Gray!HarryxDaphne Gray!SiriusxOFC
Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,311 - Reviews: 89 - Updated: 12-6-11 - Published: 8-3-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

The first part was intriguing. It's an interesting plot divergence, but all will to read it was lost upon seeing the sentences are that.

16. Chances » by Hadrian 23rd Earl of Richmond reviews
Harry got a chance to leave Privite Drive much earlier than Dumbledore wanted. HP/DG, Dumbles bashing, some Weasley bashing, marriage contract, Aristocratic Harry
Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,609 - Reviews: 91 - Updated: 12-6-11 - Published: 5-3-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

Uhhuh. Unoriginal title, lost will to read after just seeing the Author's name. Summary didn't help.

19. Teaching with Perks by kevin1984 reviews
Harry gets roped into teaching DADA, find out how he use this to his advantage to seduce two lovely witches HP/DG/HG. Serious lemon inside, you have been warned
Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,831 - Reviews: 15 - Published: 12-6-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G. - Complete

Haven't read the story, and won't. But, taking a guess, I'd say an adequate summery of the summary is "Harry uses the Imperious Curse to rape 2 girls." K. If it wasn't Hermione, I'd almost consider taking a peak.

24. Harry Potter and his Three Wives Plus One » by sheltie reviews
Harry as to marry three girls. What will he do? Sorry bad summary, but story is good. This to make up for abandoning Two Girls. Reposted Ch. 3. Now rated M and changed title. Reposted ch. 7. Reposted.
Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 34,435 - Reviews: 369 - Updated: 12-2-11 - Published: 6-3-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

No, it's not.

That's just the newest 25 stories. Out of those 5, there are maybe 2 I'd be inclined to read, and they are one shots. The rest are just the normal tripe, bashing, dark/light/gray, bad politics, the lot, and quite a few are just meaningless, poorly written, drabbles and plot bunnies with no substance.

-edit- I lied. I just checked out those 2 almost interesting stories, and they were absolute shit after a paragraph. I'm not surprised though.

Next 25 are not better.

27. Thanks to a Snake » by lucky14now reviews
Harry is effected more by the abuse at home,that, a chance meeting with a snake, and a marriage contract send him down a different path. Chapter 1 and 2 now Beta'ed
Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 269,512 - Reviews: 1109 - Updated: 11-28-11 - Published: 4-21-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

It's not enough to have that tripe, but the writing is even worse than normal. It's in some weird third person present tense shit, and upon skimming the first chapter you will see that yes, people still write sssssnake language like thissssssssSsSsS.

29. Harry potter and The Master of Death » by Pro786 reviews
What if Harry found out about the Deathly Hallows in OOTP and gained the Elder Wand? What if he met a certain Slytherin? No slash, no orgy, no harem, no infidelity. Warning: Dumbledore, Weasley, granger bashing. Powerful!Harry, Harry/Daphne
Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 31,405 - Reviews: 299 - Updated: 11-27-11 - Published: 9-11-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

Gee, thanks for saying no slash, no orgy, no harem, but thanks for leaving in the bashing and superpowers.

35. Shades of Silver » by dragonfire owns reviews
Alternate Universe. Harry and co. return for their 7th year. Harry has changed drastically over the summer, enough so that other students take an interest in him. Dark, Powerful Harry. HPxDG. Screw Ron, Hermione and Dumbledore.
Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,008 - Reviews: 61 - Updated: 11-21-11 - Published: 11-8-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

Not a terrible summary, as there are many many worse, but it's the title that caught my attention "Shades of Silver." I guess there were just same many stories already named "Shades of Grey" that he needed something more melodramatic.

36. Magical Heart Of Gray Power » by Purple-Pebbles reviews
Albus Dubledore has made a mistake. Lucas Potter was not the one that deflected the killing curse but his older twin brother Harry. After five years of neglect Harry decides to run away and sixteen years later he reruns and is vengeful.betr summery insid
Rated: M - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 47,892 - Reviews: 322 - Updated: 11-19-11 - Published: 9-4-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

Wait... so Harry is the BWL? Color me surprised.

38. A Mage of Fire, A Mage of Ice by SaKage3737 reviews
Harry Potter was never ordinary, but what if he followed a different path? What if, instead of just being the Boy Who Lived, he was also a Magus, an almighty wielder of Fire and Ice? This is the story of a hero, Harry Potter, The Mage of Fire and Ice.
Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 872 - Reviews: 20 - Published: 11-18-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

No, fire mage!Harry is right there with the rest of them for the title of worst cliche ever.

45. Harry Potter, Wizarding Savior? » by dbzdragonlanceman reviews
Harry in his anger at the Headmaster after the death of Sirius finally burns through the Memory Charm that the Headmaster cast on him just before third year and comes to some surprising revelations
Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 21 - Words: 49,457 - Reviews: 872 - Updated: 11-10-11 - Published: 9-28-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G. - Complete

Wow, someone actually finished a story! Shame, the mention of memory charms done by the Headmaster gives me no reason to even open it.

48. Harriet Potter and the Rise of Darth Revan by zerolelouch99 reviews
Set in books 1-4. Dark/Slythern/Sith/Fem.Harry, Fem.Herry/Daphne: See how she took control of the wizerding world, not with brut force, but with cunningniss and manipulation. See from the beginning, of how she became the Darth Lord of the Sith.
Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,035 - Reviews: 13 - Published: 11-1-11 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

Wat.

49. Slytherin Harry and The Goblet of Fire » by Twisted parody reviews
My take on Slytherin Harry. Begins during the Quidditch world cup. Harry/Harem. Hopefully not as cliché as it sounds. Please R&R
Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,963 - Reviews: 72 - Updated: 10-31-11 - Published: 3-31-09 - Harry P. & Daphne G.

Yes, it is a cliche as it sounds.

The rest of the stories comprised of about 50% political and marriage contract fics and about 25% rescued!Harry, and another 20% is multi-pairing. Like before, the one story that I thought looked interesting turned into absolute shit in the first few paragraphs. Thankfully, I got all I expected out of these stories. Perhaps in two more months it won't be so bad, but who am I kidding?

 

I'm tempted to read the one with the memory charm, just to see if the forgotten thing is interesting this time.

---------- Post automerged at 04:19 AM ---------- Previous post was at 04:13 AM ----------

Oh noes! Dumbledore made him forget that he's a lord and never should have been with the Dursleys! THIS IS TERRIBLY ORIGINAL.

 

I lol'd.

:awesome

 

There are four spelling mistakes in the summary alone. Who is Herry and why are they paired with Harry's woman?

You would think that someone called Hermione's daughter would at least know how to use the English language.

 

And also he was betrothed to Daphne Greengrass only her father was obliviated too, and then it turned out Dumbledore made a deal with Molly where he illegally betrothed Harry to Ginny, except Ginny didn't know, but Ron did, so Ron and Molly were kicked out of the Weasley family and then Ron was kicked out of Hogwarts and...

Yeah, it's kinda like the author had a checklist when they were writing this.

 

Ginny didn't know? Hmm... Let me check something. Yes, the author has several H/G stories on his favorite list (along with slash, of course), even wrote a few Harry/Ginny.
So, gentlemen, we are dealing with a fangirl that spells correctly (mostly) and I do know how unbelievable it sounds.