I agree.
@past post
I guess I didn't expressed myself well. I do not think that only death or bad things could add to a character, but I do think that when done right, not only the happy endings are good.

I wasn't complaining about all the people who write that way, and also don't that think that willblarg is complaining all authors who write a story revolving around a pairing are bad. There is such thing as romance, after all. But the majority of bad writers do tend to make a pairing obscure a good plot. I was wrong to say things that way, but I am a little vexed with most fics that show that.
In hindsight, maybe authors excess in romantic interaction because they feel that the relationship is forced and try to correct?

 

I'll be honest, I had very low expectations for this. The summary didn't catch my attention and the introduction didn't really grab me. With that said, I decided to read through what was in WbA on a whim, and let me say I was amazed. This blew my expectations out of the water. The characterization is fairly consistent and the balance of power is logical and believable. I ended up reading the whole thing in about 2 hours a few days ago, and I'm planning on re-reading it all before work today.

A quick update rate, a variety of intriguing subplots, a large cast of characters and a moderately compelling conflict. This is one of my favorite new stories without a doubt, sitting up there with Master of Death or Magician.

As to the story itself, I have no problem with the existence of an extinct race of magic-users. It helps draw some parallels while leaving HP one of a kind. The presence of romance doesn't concern me much. It seems like it would be better to have it muted if it were to occur, present but not drawing the focus away from the plot. The nickname 'The Magician' is decent enough. You were pretty much hamstrung as there's almost nothing that would be universally agreed on and it's simple enough that it won't bring back memories of overly ostentatious titles. "Lord Potter-Black, Heir of Gryffindor, Slytherin and Peverell, Master of Death, Saviour of the Wizarding World, Chosen One, Boy-Who-Lived, Man-Who-Won/Conquered(lol), etc." is always enough of a pain in the ass to bother with without adding any others on top of them.

I'm not sold on this shadowy organization as an antagonist yet, but I have faith after seeing how you've handled the rest of the story. This has become one of those stories that I check for updates on a daily basis, which is a very short list I assure you.


tl;dr: wriet moar, etc. etc.

 

I appreciate the 'review', if you wish.

The summary and introduction might need work, I agree, but I'm a poor judge for that kind of thing.

Regarding titles: although he might lay claim to half the titles you mentioned, he's not exactly the type to use them, and between the likes of Thor and Iron Man, it would just look gaudy.

The 'shadowy organization' is getting a boost in the new chapter, finally getting a name and such . That said, they're a symptom, not a cause. Avengers canon has far more exciting villains who love to manipulate people behind the scenes.

New chapter's now up, btw.

 

So, Stark Tower AKA the Stark Home for Homeless Superheroes begins construction early?

 

Uh, I raised the point that I didn't feel it really fit in context in the google docs thread, but that was just my interpretation.

 

I figured Iron Rose was right, and I think just naming a skyscraper makes more sense as far as Tony's concerned - he's been after a tower for a while, so it's not a big stretch, but it was a bit specific. (And everyone will get the reference anyway )

---------- Post automerged at 01:39 ---------- Previous post was at 01:38 ----------

Ah, so that helpful person is you. ^^

Do you like it better as it is now? Shouldn't be so transparent, but keeps the reference to the Stark Tower/Avengers Tower. ;P

 

Yeah, I don't have any specific complaints at all now. Stylism/phrasing/wording isn't my forte nearly as much just making sure things flow and develop from a plot/character perspective, so I'm more than happy with the way it is now.

 

It is quite amusing to watch you edit the text as it is.

Keep a strong hand on your em dashes though! You could use them often in Sif's speech, I guess, to give her a more alien feel but I would still be wary of overusing them.

 

Yes, it'll come. Wanted to give Tony an actual victory of his own though, without having Harry go all killstealer at the end.

You can bet that when the whole AIM thing happens, Harry's going to pull out his bag of tricks - including that chekov's broom he's got lying around from a few chapter's back.

From the brilliant author of this particularly awful 'fan story'

comes : This abomination

 

Well, I think this touches on all of the points that people in this thread might have wanted to mention, regarding your story. We might as well end the discussion here, I think, because we just can't improve on it.

 

Roarian, I think you may as well just stop now and let this guy take over. I mean, no offence, but he's just writing on a higher level than you are right now.

 

This chapter was pretty good. I have one real complaint about it though. Everyone seems far too willing to accept Sif's word. There is no proof she is telling the truth and they have no clue if they can trust her at all or even what her agenda is and they just sort of let her move right in with the group.

Even if they are doing it to keep an eye on her and see if she is telling the truth, something should be written to at least imply this. It just seems all too casual and trusting especially for Harry given all of these shadowy organizations that have been popping up recently.

For all he knows, she could be one of those agents or a member of yet another group with their own agenda.

EDIT: Also, it seems weird that Harry seemed unconcerned with how easily she tracked him down and if he truly believes what she is saying than it is really weird that he isn't concerned that people on planets galaxies away from this one seem to be able to track him from their planet.

I know he is used to weird things happening, but this might be a bit much even for a wizard. Especially with no proof that anything she is saying is true.

 

Extremely happy to see Harry use transfiguration to fight the drones. That branch of magic should be able to beat any technology except the ark reactor.

Tuna drones made my day.

 

It has to be a troll, right guys?

 

Well, at least we know that Tony's at a minimum, Mostly Harmless.

Love the references sprinkled about in this update.

 

I think I still need Star Trek and Star Wars references before my nerd quota is filled.

 

Rawr, I just read Chapter 17.

More Sif, good sir, please!

Edit: On fanfiction of fanfiction: it happens, it makes you cringe, but it happens. At some point I wrote something vaguely popular too and now there are fanstories and every time I see them I'm torn between laughing and crying XD

 

Well, she usually seems to look like this, unless she decides to look like this... or this.

So, Harry/Marvel Death leaves our favorite wizard with a one in three chance of being left alone, but a two in three chance of being stopped by the authorities for suspicion of either necrophilia or child molesting, despite his girlfriend being older than pretty much anything else in existence. :awesome

Sincerity can be the most depressing thing you will ever find on the internet.

 

The interaction between Tony and Rhodey seemed weird. I'm not sure why it just didn't flow well when I was reading it. The exact opposite seemed to be true for Harry and Bruce. The interactions between them were quite amazingly well written especially the glimpse of a spark of Dumbledore in Harry. I really loved that characterization and the fact that for once in this story we have seen something that truly seems to interest him.

I really loved this side of Harry.