I don't have enough time to go through all of the batshit insane reviews I've received, but allow me to share a few of the weirder ones.

Okay, so when I put up Speak Softly, Love (the companion piece to Renegade Cause), I wasn't quite sure if it'd get much of a response, considering it deals primarily with side characters and fleshing out the extended flashbacks to the First War that was such a huge part of RC.

What I wasn't expecting was this:

Or this:

Or even this:

I mean... what?

 

Maybe you should just stop writing surprise Naruto lemons?

 

Lmao sealing off a spirit that is trapped within his soul is a simple fix? Well okay then.

 

Holy shit, holy shit!

I while back, I wrote a parody of Harry Potter fanfiction complete with a sociopath protaganist, Insane logic, and impossible amounts of violence. What do I get for a review?

This was only mildly annoying the first time he posted that, but every time I updated after that, he posted the same review, in the same words, over and over and over again, to the point that I am actually kind of creeped out by it.

 

It's a shame there isn't a thread for Fanfiction's Funniest Reviews. This one actually made me laugh quite hard.

 

Hey, I've heard of him - he's one of the people who hangs around on FicWad (he betas The Boy Who Lived and the Last Lantern).

 

A review from my Harry/Power Girl story.

DLP: Infecting talented authors with their bullshit version of everything since 2005.

Well done, my brothers and sisters.

 

Hail to the bullshit!

 

That's probably similar to what I've been doing lately. lol. I don't have much to say.

 

is the authors' pen name 'badkidoh', by any chance. That dude does the same with every chapter I post.

 

I doubt that every bad review is from the same person. There are far too many idiots out there for that.

Edit: in reply to JimmyCranberry

 

No wonder I hated the way you closed out RC - you went full retard Naruto on us.

I haven't written a lot and have thankfully been spared the really loony reviewers, but this one gave me a long pause before I replied to the guy.

Yes. Thank you for completely missing each and every point of the story, despite being told in the A/N not just why I wrote it but why I wrote it the way I did. I pretended to laugh it off at the time but honestly, it irked the shit out of me then and it irks the fuck out of me now.

 

Sounds like you need to go and re-send a new response. lol

 

OMG, Robet-19588's reviews are the most cliched and largest jokes I've have the pleasure to read in ffn. Not even the most popular crack fics made me laugh as hard as I am laughing now.

He should be awarder Order of cliche-First class for making me laugh....I havend laughed this had since reading What ever happened to bromance........

 

I wrote a oneshot parody/crackfic about Harry Potter and Edward Cullen going to "Emo Hero Rehab."

Part of the spoof was having Harry and Edward taking potshots at me as the author.

Here's a review I got from that:

I didn't have an OC in the fic - and there really wasn't a conversations with my characters, but rather me telling them I was ending the fic and them ridiculing me for it.

 

That's significantly gayer than the fact you wrote a Twilight crossover, I'd hope you get waste-of-time reviews.

 

Hey, if I'm going to parody something, I might as well parody myself right along with it. And what is there better to parody, than two teenage male emo heroes written by middle-aged, female authors.

Gay? I don't know. The self insert parody was also a swipe at what sometimes seems like:

Ginny ---> JKR
Bella ---> Stephanie Meyers

But if your Friday night is brightened by thinking of me producing something gay . . . who am I to disabuse you of your fantasies?

 

Lol no. Why would an author parody himself in a Harry Potter/Twilight fic, exactly? And when did it get to the point you can say "I might as well parody myself", as if it was self-evident?

And no, that does not brighten my day. I apologize for calling it gay. It's immature, but the main point is that you are lame, and screwed up even a Harry Potter/Twilight parody (yes, it can be done right, ala Harry Potter and Teh Sparkly Hufflepuff by kmfrank). Completely in line with the rest of your works, even the serious ones.

And yes, I did take a cheap shot correlating your fic to the rest of your works. The implicit idea of the thread is that these terrible reviews are for good stories, and miss the point or make completely invalid criticisms. But when you have an awful story, then getting bad reviews makes sense, and is entirely appropriate.

Labeling one of your reviews a "Worst review" in your case is like the lady who advocates the alleviation of child starvation in Africa, but who herself is obese.

 

Laughing my ass off.

(By the way, thanks for taking the time to find my posts and making me feel welcomed in that way that you do so well!)