While it may be technically well written, I stopped enjoying this fic when the author included a rather lengthy authors note extolling the description of Riddle's diary as proof that he was not its creator. Something about the quality of it as opposed to Riddle's means at the time meaning he would not be able to purchase it, as well as something to do with the scarcity of paper in that time period.

Proof positive that Riddle isn't a Dark Lord, because god knows magic couldn't be responsible for such inaccuracies inferred from a vaguely worded piece of canon.

 

Personally I had a WTF moment when Crouch Junior suddenly said that he had passed reasonably high level exams in a huge number of Muggle subjects as well as going way further than taught in Wizarding subjects. And he could teach Harry up-to-date Muggle subjects after more than a decade of imprisonment in Harry's spare time in between a full Hogwarts schooling, dueling training, physical training etc.

That was the major point where it's obvious the author has major nubs for Muggle society and is anti-wizard.

 

Lol yeah, the number of A-levels Moody had was ridiculous. I'm guessing the author was unaware that generally people only take 3. There'd be no need for Moody to take that many... they're exams mainly for university entry. You don't generally take them just for the knowledge - Open University is more likely for that.

Incidentally, this thread is great. If you compare this thread to the reviews page of FF.Net... it's like an author's wet dream lol. Review upon review, each one many paragraphs long. It's been a while since anything has been properly up in For Review. This thread is a great testament to DLP's reviewing credentials... it'd be sad if the thread got sent to the Trash and was lost lol.

 

I generally take "bashing" to be short for "character bashing".

The author is attacking the world, but there isn't character bashing in the traditional sense. Dumbledore is OOC, but he isn't being bashed - given his characterisation in this fic, he's acting in sensible and realistic ways.

 

Im honestly giving this fic a real try based off these reviews.
But I have to say, its getting very irritating to read.
The whole fic seems centred around how bad Dumbledore is. I mean, come on.
This fic basically started out as a series of one shots aimed at pointing out the plot holes in the books. And most of them are so stupid. I mean who cares why they left Harry out in the cold as a baby. I mean come on, is it that much of an exaggeration that they might have the sense to use a warming charm? Or that they might still be looking over him until he was taken in by the family?

And to top it off he keeps showing how dumb/shady Dumbledore is.
Here is a quote form the chapter I am on. Its not really a spoiler, so I dont think spoiler tags are needed. Taure, if this is not Dumbledore bashing, I dont know what is.

Do I need say more?
Actually, I think I will. Here is another quote showing why the Death Eaters escaped unpunished.

Forcing someone to tell the truth painlessly is apparently the same as beating someone until they say what you want them to say.

Based on what I have read so far I am tempted to give this 1/5. But I reserve that for the truly horribly stories like the immortal. So I shall give this 2/5. Totally not worth the library.

That said, I will still continue to try and read, since others have pointed out the relationship with Crouch is done well. I will edit this after I have read, but even if this story somehow fixes its flaws, its still a story written not to bring a plot to life, but rather to poke holes in canon. I just cant see it being library worthy.

 

I hope you are aware that in many places around the world you can't be forced to give testimony against yourself. Most famously (and most easily found) in America for example it's part of the 5th amendment to the constitution: "No person ... shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself".

I'd say that magically compelling someone via a potion to be a witness against themselves is illegal in America, and while I'm not a lawyer I'm guessing that it's almost identical in the UK since America copied most of our legal system.

 

Spoiler

In this fic Dumbledore turns out to be the main antagonist and Harry allies with Voldemort as the lesser evil. Why not, could be fun. I could get behind the idea. Dumbledore would make a great bad guy; subtle chessmaster and magnificent bastard with great flair. Doesn't happen here though. He acts more like Snape, impotent and blunt in his anger, complete with flying spit, and seems to be easily outmaneuvered. The threat he supposedly poses to Harry doesn't seem to materialise.

And Harry, with his supposed 180 character turn, doesn't actually change his behavior that much. All that changes is that now he's afraid of deep water and dangerous magical creatures (which by the way doesn't make him a pussy since he gets over with it, manages his fears and acts smartly despite them). With the main threat of this story (Dumbledore and his mindfuck) though he acts just as brashly and impulsively as before. He taunts and jeers Dumbledore to his face, gives away information and generally indulges himself instead of being smart and cautious and keeping his head down and mouth shut - like he's described as being wont to do. Actually there are several instances where the author tells us one thing and writes another.

Also I don't think this story is very well written. Grammar is good, but the characterizations are repetitive or lacking, making the characters feel like cardboard cutouts. Several high points of the story, e.g. Voldemort's resurrection, seem to lack any description of how Harry is feeling, making it very hard to feel anything for him.

I was going to give 3/5 before I wrote this, but now I think 2/5 seems more appropriate.

 

I quite like this story, and I'm having a hard time pinpointing why exactly, because I agree with many of the complaints voiced before.

I like how the interaction is between Moody and Harry.

Spoiler

But I very much dislike how Harry suddenly decides that Moody is an impostor, but that it doesn't matter. Also the explanation that we get later about some master/apprentice thing being the reason why Harry can guess that Moody is an impostor, is pretty silly.

Also:

This is explained away in the story: The thing is that he is still being influenced by Dumbledores manipulation of his mind at that point.

I think I will give it 3.5 rounded up to 4, because I enjoy it most of the time

 

Except it doesn't change after he gets rid of the triggers.

 

He only has one conversation with Dumbledore after they're removed, and it explicitly says that he told Dumbledore a bunch of relatively unimportant things to make it appear that the triggers are still in place.

 

I, for one, found this to be the most realistic part of the fic.

Spoiler

USA USA USA

But yeah, this fic is bad. Check please.

 

Counterpoint to that generality: Bartimaeus, particularly book 1.

 

I love the Bartimaeus books, but I would prefer if the author had found an other method to show us Bartimaeus' thoughts.
Footnotes are okay (as far as I'm concerned) if they are used to show the authors thought process, and extra information which isn't a part of the story.
But I agree that there is too many footnotes (In WGM) on things that really don't need them. Like the references to a page in canon.

 

Footnotes are easy to ignore, so thats really as far as the problem goes, as far as I´m concerned.

When used like I said earlier then it's like when an author tries to explain why they wrote it like the did in a later post in the WBA. At least thats how I think of it.

 

I must admit that I find myself strangely capivated by this fic. Generally speaking I do not like first person narration. Also I must admit that the attempt to point out every single flaw in the canon is annoying as fuck.

That said the excellent characterization, and technical execution make up for its many flaws. Generally speaking after 20 chapters I'd be prepared to give an actual review. However, I think such would be premature at this juncture.

I would say its in the 3 range though at this time. It could still turn into absolute shit, but it has my attention for now. Hopefully it will not require more updates for me to make up my mind.

 

While the writing and execution were top-notch, this story has too much 'muggle' influence. I mean, how would 'Bart Crouch Jr', who fought a terrorist organization which stands for extermination of muggles and their spawn know so much about them?

Also, evil manipulative Dumbledore isn't a genre that interests me. While Dumbledore is ruthless, he is good at heart. He would never resort to mental manipulation as portrayed by Lady Khali.

So, *shrugs*,

3/5 for the good writing, which is becoming a scarcity these days in HP fandom.

 

The latest chapter contained a huge author's note of the most annoying kind. The most annoying part is that the only objection the author considers against her arguments is "but it's a children's book, you're over-analyzing it!". It doesn't seem to occur to her that she could be just wrong...

For instance, if Tom Riddle were born evil because he was conceived under a love potion... you know, like we've been told is the case.

Once again, she completely excludes magic from her analysis.

 

This bit from the Authors Note stood out for me:

So apparently torturing a child is in no way psychopathic. How about using the using 'Crucio' on Wormtail...his primary care giver who could easily just get up and leave, or throttle the homunculus?

I know now I am doing what she does and pick holes in what is written but some of her reasoning is bit off.