I have just finished reading the Oma's choice fiction mentioned on the previous page. It provided a nice pastime, despite its numerous problems.

First, it's not so much a story, as it's a quick summary of what could have been a story. I admit I haven't watched the Stargate movie series so if you're a SG fan then Oma's choice could probably turn into a boring read. Anyway, this story is a bunch of `tell, not show` scenes, sometimes enriched with dialogue. Plot is probably taken from the SG series.

Second, there's the whole bunch of annoying homonymically misspelled words. The author carelessly switches from Lily to Lilly and back. He spells `ridicules` instead of `ridiculous`. Overall misspelling level is average. For example he doesn't mix up `it's` and `its`, so I guess, with effort, one could learn to ignore his misspellings.

Then, as story progressed his characters started to act OOC - they started making immature jokes, speaking in wrong style, acting in a light-hearted manner. Basically, it's the same problem as with all of Nonjon's stories: all characters have the same personality.

The story breaks suspension of disbelief in some places. First, anthropomorphic aliens. Every alien race is anthropomorphic (with a few exceptions). The Ancients apparently could produce fertile offspring when intermarrying Earth humans. The existence of the Goa'uld is `ridicules`, because I cannot see how they could have evolved needing a host to exist.

Then the societies pictured in the fiction are utopian: they prosper, they bring peace, they are happy; and extremely boring. I don't believe that societies could exist without the the master-slave, the oppressor-the oppressed relationship. History lessons attest to that.

Harry's four-people High Council is stupid. They apparently represent the People and they are responsible, so when they make their decisions like starting a war, everyone is happy with that.

When Harry makes a stupid or illogical speech people still flock to him for no reason. One example could be when he were recruiting students for his new school he basically abducted them to another planet. When one person in the crowd asked Harry if he is some kind of evil Dark Lord, Harry took him immediately away from the crowd, spoke to him, and then returned him back, announcing to the crowd that they have their differences resolved. That didn't at all look suspicious to the outside observer.

Harry and his mental and magical abilities are extremely overpowered. Also he and his society rely too much on a cybernetic entity.

Despite all the problems I enjoyed reading it, probably because of the length and the plot, as I'm new to the SG universe. The story was first intended to be a comedy, I think, hence, exploiting of the Magical Contracts plothole that was mentioned by the reviewers. The author stopped that sticky business sometime before the Voldemort arc ended (around chapter 15 I think).

 

Pretty interesting story. Its only in its early chapters so it could go any way from here, but I had a pretty cool AU of the magical world going on at the moment.

 

I completed the first chapter and the writing was very average. Most of it feels like fillers. At the end Cassandra bit made me cringe really hard. At that moment, I knew I had read these character sets somewhere else too, and thus, I checked the author. It turns out somebody linked other story of that author in past. That story had basically the same AU as this one. Author wasn't able to execute this AU in that story and from the looks it seems he isn't very successful in this one too.

On this story itself, there are small mistakes throughout. The turn of events is very irritating. The ally from light stuff honestly makes me cringe. The characterization is average and sort of unrealistic. Lots of background is missing. I will say that it is just above the majority of fics on ff.net and would rate it 3/5. I don't think this is going to improve, given authors' previous work but still I hope it does.

 

I'm ambivalent. Whilst the universe seems interesting the writing is far to mundane to actually keep me interested. Might return to it in the future to pass accurate judgement.

 

It's got my attention - for the moment. Still, I'm hoping we get some backstory for Harry soon, since he's markedly different from canon. It's kind of weird reconciling the ladies' man background that's been implied already and seen a little with this "this is my duty; honor and family, roar!" shtick he's also got going for him. A talented writer could probably make it work, but so far it just feels as if two characters take turns to control one body.

Also, I'm not sure how much I like Cassandra. She seems to be falling for Harry unreasonably quickly. Also, I'd argue that certain names just sound like Mary Sue names, and she's got two. Who introduces themselves with their middle name anyway?

Too early to rate, but I'd say 2.5 or 3/5 sounds about right for these first two chapters.

 

It's too early to say anything but it seems interesting enough to keep reading, so there's that. I have a few issues in that stories like this have Harry be Harry in name only, but again, there's still a lot of ground to cover so that complaint could disappear.

Also as a side-note, the reviews for that story are terrifying. I mean, there's one guy who left like 8 very long reviews for the story and the story is only 2 chapters long.

 

Sereven and Thaedys, who is the author of 'The Crimson Vanguard' are from Germany. Unlike Sesc who has a firm grasp on English, they are very average writers. Sure Thaedys's Grindelwald heir story was pretty kickass, but the writing leaves a lot to be desired.

As far as 'Sereven' goes, I found his 'The Duellist' fairly interesting at the beginning. However, both of them use a magical system that is full of crap. In their stories, children are taught magic from the age of 5 and their duels are a pile of troll shit. Still, they both are huge fans of Gellert Grindelwald and his comeback from his defeat into the conflict when Dumbledore is busy with Voldemort is always a good read.

"For the Greater Good" of course.

 

I'm not into dark-themed/post-hogwarts stuff, usually, but that was pretty interesting. The writing is definitely pretty rough but there is some good stuff there, I enjoyed it. It's certainly different from most stuff you see in ff.net, which is always good.

I also really enjoyed the fact that not too much is made clear from the start as opposed to just hitting people with exposition until the sweet embrace of the X button comes.

It seems like the author has a pretty good story to tell but is struggling with actually telling it, but if he can get past that(a good beta would go a long way) then it's going to be an amazing story. Definitely glad to have read this. I'm hesitant to rate it, because the rough writing can be pretty jarring, so on a technical level it deserves a low score but on a "...Hey guys let's not be machines" level, it entertained me more than most fanfiction does, so instead of a number I'm just gonna say this:

I enjoyed it, but the title is very fitting.

Speaking of good stuff, that story I recommended some time ago Harry Potter and the Book of Changes got updated today. Based on chapter 7, I'd really recommend this even more than I already did to anybody who enjoys a good murder mystery or just a pseudo-horror atmosphere. The only reason I wouldn't say it needs to be put For Review is that, in my opinion, murder mysteries depend heavily on their solution. The setup is nice, but if the solution falls apart then it won't matter.

I cannot stress this enough to people though: the first 3 chapters are pretty bad and then it suddenly goes into overdrive and gets amazing. Also another thing that people might enjoy is that Snape is a major character on the "good side" but the story still treats him as an ugly asshole, which is unusual.

 

Came across this a few days ago and have loved the first two chapters. It's dark, gritty, and has a lot of potential. With that said it does have some problems; mainly that it's really confusing at times, I think the author could do a better job of separating the present and flashbacks, also, and this is more of a personal complaint, I'd like to know when this story takes place (a simple January, 2003 would suffice). Other than that it shows real promise.

 

As a long time Stargate fan, I can explain the Goa'uld a bit for you. In Stargate canon, they didn't, in fact, evolve needing a host as far as I know. On the world they evolved on, they were an aquatic snake-like (obviously) species that was fairly intelligent. One day, a Goa'uld took over the body of an Unas (a bipedal species on their planet). Eventually, it became more and more common.

Then, they discovered the Stargate. It's not really explained how they figured out how that worked, as far as I know, but eventually one Goa'uld, Ra, encounters humans. He's the first to take a human host. Humans prove to be far superior hosts. Thousands of years pass, the Goa'uld take over the galaxy, and are driven off Earth.

Five thousand years after that, cue the Stargate movie.

TL;DR: The Goa'uld didn't evolve needing hosts.

Having read Oma's Choice, I agree with most of the rest of your criticisms. It's a light-hearted read that requires the occasional suspension of disbelief- good for killing a few hours, but you won't really find anything spectacular or thought-provoking.

 

Oma's choice is riddled with "God I wish he hadn't gone so over the top on this" moments. Several every chapter.

 

Heh, that seems a strange complaint as the preposterous over the topness is what i loved in that story.

Here is a fic: Of Hel and Earth

It is a rather average avengers cross, with an atrocious update rate (four chapters in 6 months). What it has going for it is one of the best Master of Death ideas i have read. Gaining control of all the deathly hallows grants you limited immortality (fic mentions aging a couple of days in 8 years), but you have to give up the hallows, as using them ages you.

It just seems so fitting and magicy, like genies wishes. Someone who has gained all three hollows would surely had grown accustomed to the power they provide, but just as soon as you gain all three you are tempted with immortality. It actually creates a dilemma, unlike other fics where immortality only creates angst. (Of woe is me. I have to watch everyone i love die, because i now posses the power of the gods.)

Edit: Fixed link.

 

Do not link to the last chapter, it took me far to long to figure out that I was not starting at the beginning of the story!

 

HP: Dolen Amser by Jonn Wolfe
Summary: This is a spin cycle on 'Second Chance' by Tonkslover94. Similar set up, with different consequences. A duel with Voldemort at #4 Privet Drive has Harry thrown back before his First Year. Now he has to deal with everything again and avoid his younger self at the same time. Now, what's up with his flippin hair? Good!Dumbledore, OnTheFence!Snape, Unbound!Harry, Happy!Harry, HONKS

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8772113/1/HP-Dolen-Amser

Pros: grammar and spelling is good, premise is moderately original in that Harry goes back in time physically rather than mentally to his younger body. Little to no angst.

Cons: characterisation is off the charts. Harry is not Harry, at all. Little to no plot detected yet, but I'm enjoying general shenanigans for now. Only 3 chapters so far.

 

The clichés... My god, blocked magical cores, repressed metamorphic abilities, a changed Patronus, secret genius, "James" - it's like I've time travelled: back to 2005! Not only that, but the characterisations are about fifty million miles away from canon, and Snape is being nice.

But yes, it does have it's good points. Tonks/Harry that isn't straight-up porn (although looking at the author's notes...) is rare, and I might even have smirked at one point. The pace is fast enough you find yourself ignoring the worst bits, or at least forgetting them quickly, even if it does leave prose a little threadbare. So, I suppose, fun - but not anything special.

It's only twelve thousand words in, so critiquing it properly is difficult, but I'm not holding out much hope. Barely a guilty pleasure for me.

 

The story's kinda average. I'll be watching if it improves, basically Whooves has it down pat - some cliches, but fast enough to not care about that stuff too much.

The fun thing I noticed is the the undercurrent of how this work came to be.
Jonn Wolfe, the author, claims that he got the story's idea from tonkslover94.
That story, "Second Chance" is very much similar, but nearly impossible to read - starts with a horribly written fight scene and stupid to the ground department of ministry workers. "You need a new name, we'll use James Black Evans." I stopped reading at that. Mind it that it's not a quote.

But it goes deeper. tonkslover94, mentions that the story is actually inspired from Imaginaryfriend101, who has a story 'Time Gone Bye', which is about as good as the name (Yes, it does say 'Bye' and not 'by'). That is, illiterate and stupid. (There is also a possibility that the name is supposed to mean 'time that we said goodbye to', but the following text is too badly written to evaluate this possibility as significant)


So basically, it's ficception of interesting escalation. However, the most curious thing to consider is this - a 1/5 story spawned a 2/5 story, which in turn, was used to write a 3/5 story. Ain't it usually otherwise?

So... I guess we could call it Progress?

 

...I'll just wait for the 4/5 and the 5/5 ones that are sure to follow, then.

 

This review was more entertaining and thought provoking than that rushed collection of cliches.

 

Ficception, yo. That's all I'm gone' say