EDIT:

Damn.

Even clicked the box saying that I agree it was a necropost before I actually realized the last post in this thread was over thirty days old. My post wasn't worth necroposting.

Mea Culpa. . .

EDIT 2: after TMNturtwig- post... dammit twice - he has a good point.

So. . . .

I started reading this fic, but had to stop after the third chapter. I don't know what bothered me the most, the run-on sentences, the "Harry is the bestest and the only man that ever treated Fleur right" cliche, the Mary and Gary stu parents of Fleur, the Ron bashing, or the lack of punctuation.

There are some things that are okay, and if the writing gets better in the next couple of chapters, I'd be willing to push through. Those of you who've read it, does the writing get any better?

 

Well it certainly wasn't worth a necropost after you edited it all out.

 

I'm resurrecting this thread because I don't know how many people care about it on the Plot Bunny thread. I'd very much like some ideas on characterization, etc. If they're better thought out than my views, I'm happy to change my notes, and I'm sure CrackedMind would be happy to change his as well (this is a collab fic).

 

Holy Shit Balls! The potential I feel in this is awesome. I'll add some more later today, after I get back from school. Who could the others be? Hmmm....

 

The others haven't been determined yet - just Snape, Harry and Fleur at the moment.

This post has been updated with a notestream from me https://forums.darklordpotter.net/showpost.php?p=608761&postcount=670

I'll probably make a DLPgroup or a google doc at some point, but I want feedback more than I want exclusivity at this point.

 

Frankly, from your description I‘d like to read more about your Dumbledore than Harry. It‘s interesting, sure, but needs more plot than the premise of the first few chapters.

 

I'm certainly assuming that there will be pensieve memories of Dumbledore's more important battles. But it's not really fun to watch and old man blow doors down and tie people up in flashes of light, honestly.

The plot's being hashed, the briefings are being created, etc. This isn't a huge work in terms of planning, but it's pretty damn medium-big, I think.

 

Seems to me you should get as many people that annoy each other in there as possible. Hermione, perhaps?

 

I'm not quite sure I want to use Hermione because I want to write about how Harry feels bad for keeping his secret life away from his best friends. >_>

 

Keep Hermione the fuck away please.
That said, who invited these people? The ICW, the ministry, or something else?

 

What's up with the Hermione hate? Makes sense, though. How about Luna?

 

Can everyone read the note stream in the post I linked first? I'll even quote it if it makes it easier D:

 

Made me think of Get Smart, which would pretty cool, but probably not the vibe your going for with this fic.

Other than killing them, locking out Ron and Hermione from the story would be hard. It would be easier to minimize their interaction in the story. Have Hermione go undercover in the department of mysteries, feeding info to the gang or if you want a James Bond type vibe, make her M and give them awesome shit.

Ron...Uh...Have him go with Bill and die in a blaze of glory. Or he could spend the majority of the story smuggling his family out of Britain or laying low.

Another possible avenue is you have Bill and Ron join the group so you have two more than you wanted, and then kill them off during one of the Horcrux tasks or fleeing. Since you wanted him to go down like a boss, having him sacrifice himself at the cave horcrux for example would work. The boat is smashed, inferi are swarming and it is up to Bill to bulid a bridge with dead corpses.

 

Tonks we need more Tonkses.

 

If you want Bill dead, and want to minimize Ron and Hermione, have Bill be one of the other recruits.

He got headhunted (not literally) out of Hogwarts. By Gringotts.

He's powerful, reasonably well connected, and well trained.

Unfortunately, it isn't enough. On the first mission, he dies. Harry tries to apologise, but mucks it up, and he says it was his fault Bill is dead. Ron is, understandably, upset.

 

This is the notestream.



First thing that comes to mind reading this: Why do the rest of the spots have to be filled by schoolchildren? Harry makes sense, through being Harry Potter, but there must be better candidates that an auror can come up with. Someone mentioned Tonks. That would make sense as a choice by an auror. A promising cadet making her way through the academy, born with one of the greatest gifts that a spy could ask for.

As for Ron and Hermione. Have Harry do what he intended to do in canon anyways and just ditch them. Now he has a full group of people willing to help him, after the initial fireworks of course, so he can justify it to himself with minimal effort.

 

Since you're having Fleur being recruited by the british ministry you need the whole thing to be an international affair. Readers seem to like anything with the Library of Alexandria and you can set up clues in England, France, and some other place conquered by the roman empire. Nix the horcruxes and go for a doomsday device (probably a plague). You could call it Written on Papyrus or In her Majesty's Magical Service or my personal favorite Petals of a Flower.

 

@Lungs: Interesting, but some unanswered questions:

Whose agency is this? The ICW's? The Ministry's? A third party's? This matters in terms of determining jurisdiction, recruitment pool, scope of activities, legality (or extralegality), etc. An international body would probably have international recruitment; a Ministry one would probably limit themselves to those in the county and (likely) citizens.

What's Dumbledore's angle that makes him the Winston Wolfe of the Magical world? Influence? Connections? The comprehensiveness of his database? Magical ability? Dueling badassery? His gadget collection? Phoenix travel? Once you answer what, exactly, you seek to recreate with this group, you'll be able to fill out your recruitment pool sensibly.

Do you really need to start from scratch, that there's no continuity with the prior org? For purposes of efficiency, one would expect Dumbledore to have had a support network with him acting as the operational arm. Is it truly necessary to start from scratch? Even Bond had his Ms. Moneypenny.

Why would the recruits be so naive as to believe a letter and actually show up? Harry would obviously assume it's a Death Eater trap, Snape would interpret it as a ploy by the Ministry to capture him, etc. This would have to be explained satisfactorily.