I'm pretty sure you can be into gay, cross-species sex and still be masculine.

Why am I talking about this.

 

Merwomen have yellow, broken teeth, greyish skin, and long, wild, dark green tentacles.

I'm just saying, were I a wizard I'd rather get a handy from a goblin than a blowy from Ms. Tentacle-Rape.

I wouldn't turn down Winky though, tears are a good lubricant. Also Cho.

 

There has to be a smut fic where Harry takes advantage of Cho's tears as lubrication. And now I want to read it.

Merpeople > Goblins, and if you ever brought a mermaid to the surface to show your boys which one blowed you, she'd be a totally hot fish-chick, bro.

And now I want to read that too...

fuck.

EDIT:

Comments like these are the reason I hope JK Rowling finds this site one day... not that the thread title isn't enough proof we're insane.

 

So long as its used to fuck her in the eye I'm for such a fic being written. Never was a fan of her character.

I can't even imagine how I'd react if I found a thread like this on a forum about my bestselling series of children's books. I fear for Rowling's sanity.

 

Duuude, way to stereotype. You know, just because harry ran into the hobo-merman gathering, doesn't mean some of them don't have proper dental care. And there's nothing wrong with grey skin. Cardassians had grey skin and I'd fuck a Cardassian.
And tentacles are never a bad thing.

 

Someone should write a pairing fic about a Mer-queen whose tentacles match the emerald of Harry's eyes, imo.

And whose poor dentition is remedied by Hermione's parents.

 

I dunno, if there was enough gold involved, Griphook wouldn't mind giving handjobs.

He'd be more liable to tear it off though.

It'd be like trying to get a blowjob from six girls...only one of them is a cannibal.

 

On the topic of Merpeople, according to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, there are three species (maybe more, but only three are named). The Scottish Selkies are those in the Black Lake, and are pretty uggers. Irish Merrows are similar.

But Greek Sirens are the traditional mermaids of myth complete with oyster shell bikinis.

 

It's all fun and games till the Merwoman expects you to return the favor and have a taste of her fishier parts

 

So... Griphooker?

(Well, somebody had to go there)

 

.....

Reverse mermaid? :awesome

 

Humanoidish only? Otherwise there is acromantulas which sound like a bad time. Even if it is humanoid that leaves Grawp, or Dementors...both sounds pretty awful.

Goblins wouldn't top anyone's chart, but still better than a lot of the alternatives. Also Goblin, or Gnome?

 

O_O

Why is this shit not in S&P? Also, Oz, what is even the hell?

 

I saw this topic and the Cookie Monster thread and had to check to make sure it was February 1st and not April 1st.

I know I can lose track of time, but a whole month is... Well. that would be a serious medical issue.

 

I dunno, can Dementors suck out your soul through other parts of your body, or only your mouth? Because if not, there could be some promise there.

 

...

Wait, what?

 

Especially since it'd be y'know two months.

 

I guess I should have connected the dots for you and said, "...whole months at a time..."

You wooolheaded sheepherder.

 

I swear I read this thread the last time I had this.

Good God - Griphook? Scary ass stuff.