Next chapter you'll see a few simple charms wowing the minds of smallfolk, Joffrey being Joffrey, a little expansion on that line about the Mad King, and another "kingly' lesson.

I think the main issue in crossing the two is the magic itself. People get caught up on that, all the things Harry can do with magic. With a decent wand, Harry could lay waste to a small army, or inspire enough fear to make men bend the knee - but this is Harry Potter. Harry Potter doesn't slaughter hundreds of men, or torture them without remorse. (I read that Red Winter shit...good lord was it bad). Fighting dragons is a different story, but thats waaay down the line.

But the question isn't, "how do I limit Harry's magic to make him fit?" The question is, "how do I turn a kind-hearted boy into the kind of man that could unite a kingdom?" And, better yet,

"How does a god live amongst normal people?" Because that's pretty much what he is, and you have to admit, Harry Potter sets the bar pretty high as far as morality goes. How does someone like that 'survive' in Westeros, where woman are raped almost at leisure, men make vows but don't honor them, and everyone is looking out for themselves?

 

It depends on what role he plays. If you don't change his moral character even a bit, it may turn out to be one of those fics where Harry can't take decisive/hard decisions and tries to play god and thus becomes hell of a lot irritating. The polarity of this moral characteristics as compared to other westerosi wouldn't really sit very well, imo. I would rather have him changing a bit gradually, just enough to show the difference but not so much that it feels too extreme or unconvincing (Given his HP world background). Like maybe making him a tad indifferent to those things going around him. It depends really a lot on how one develops his character throughout the fic.

Since, Harry is in Asoiaf world, I would advice strongly against toning down the harshness we have in the book just for the sake of your convenience.

 

Dude, Stannis has the personality of a lobster.

 

Spot on. I'm not toning down anything. When shit happens, you'll see what I mean. I already see it in my head.

 

How dare you question Stannis the Mannis

 

Lobsters are the most noblest of creatures, and should be proud to compared to someone has awesome as Stannis. I see no insult here, and will let you go unharmed. For now.

 

I value Cersei Lannister more than I do Stannis. At least it's fun watching her fail.

 

My biggest problem with it is how blasé they are about Harry's straight up sorcery. Even levitation is Age of Heroes shit and apparently walking through Kings Landing with a floating carcass is nothing interesting. Stretches suspension of disbelief a bit past where I'm comfortable with.

 

From what I understand it was just levitation when he entered the Red Keep around the guards and family. Before that he put it on his horse.

 

I do have to agree with Lamora in this regard. A lot of tension and story worth can be mined out of Harry just keep his magic a secret from the general public (with maybe Myrcella being the only one who knows), and certain people finding out or suspecting. Not to mention, it's kind of a big ol' "I AM HERE" sign to Voldemort, no?

 

From FF.Net:

Harry's characterisation is good, as is his level of magical ability. You have an interesting take on Cersei, and it's a novel perspective: seeing her from the perspective of one of her children, whom she genuinely loves. All the other characters seem to be done well too.

There are, however, some big problems.

1. Harry's magic and the public knowledge of it. Why didn't he keep it a secret? Why haven't his family etc. responded negatively to it? Sorcery in ASOIAF is considered in a similar way to the Biblical approach to witchcraft. He'd be lucky to not be killed, never mind to be encouraged to use it. He's not blessed by the gods, he's an evil demon child.

And even if they did accept it, what on earth would possess them to allow the whole city to know?

2. We need a description of Harry. Is he golden haired, like Tommen? Or is he black haired, like HP - and thus hinting that he's Robert's true son. That would also explain why Cersei treats him differently - he's not her son by Jaime.

 

From FF.Net:

He's Robert's kid.

Which is interesting because when shit goes down, Jon Arryn, Stannis, and Ned Stark will know there's a legitimate heir. Both Stannis and Renly won't have a legit claim to the Iron Throne.

 

http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/a-dragon-of-the-north-skyrim-meet-westeros.251079/

Game I've been running where the players take and direct Jon Snow's path. He's a reincarnation of the Dovahkiin. It's been fun to write and play out. Feel free to read, I guess?

 

Basically this. I think this has a lot of promise, but I can't suspend my disbelief that the Faith of the Seven-worshipping smallfolk of Westeros would look kindly on this. I think if maybe Cersei knew (and could later use that knowledge against him) and Myrcella knew, and his immediate family knew something was up, there would be more tension, and it would be far more believable.

Think of how Bloodraven was rumored to be a sorcerer, or how Leyton Hightower and Malora the Mad Maid were said to be consulting a book of spells. As much as you might want everyone to cheer and follow this godly, amazing person, that is just not how they would react, I'm sorry to tell you. The North, however, would be decidedly more amenable to that, I think, though still wary, with some dissidents.

Just my two cents; I think Harry should keep it under wraps, and try to spin it in a positive light by associating it with the Faith when it eventually comes out to the public. I was actually cringing when he changed Arys Oakheart's hair green.

Edit: also, maybe a reference to the fact that Robert Baratheon, and thus Harry, are descended from the Targaryens through Rhaelle Targaryen would be another good sorcery justification for Harry to use, if he didn't want to go with the Faith of the Seven one.

 

It's also the apparent air of...well, things going right that puts me off. If you're writing a ASoIaF fic and something isn't fucked up or going horribly wrong, you're probably not doing it right.

Example of doing it wrong : Ned Stark Lives. It started out all right, but then the author started shipping Arya/Gendry hard enough to curve the universe around them and the Starks couldn't seem to win any harder than the Lannisters were losing. It was boring.

Example of doing it right : The North Remembers. I muse on what the worst possible thing to happen could be. The author one ups me and gives Ramsay Bolton fucking Lightbringer. I crow in horror and wait in anguish for the next update.

I'm not saying people can't have nice things, but atmosphere as exists in the main series dictates that for one person to have nice things, some ten people must be burning babies and raping houses elsewhere while everyone ignores that winter is coming.

If you lose the atmosphere, a good part of the Game of Thrones feeling (that being of what would realistically happen if you added fantasy elements to an actual feudal system as existed, including all the barely literate peasants who fear bathing and the bloodthirsty knight-lords who keep their lands by strength of sword) is lost.

 

Tone down the magic? Okay... shouldn't be hard to rewrite that scene.

It's just the 1st chapter...and he's 8. This is a very 'light' chapter. Can't have people being raped and castrated in the 1st chapter. That comes in chapter 2! I thought about that a lot, how to make things appropriately fucked up, but not depressingly fucked up.

That's exactly what I was going to do.

In his defense, Voldemort is somewhere above the wall, and well, he doesn't know Voldemort was reincarnated too. Not yet.

 

As other people have said, if he is going to have magic, tone it down. Rather than laugh and accept it happily, they act nervous, anxious and superstitious. They're worried he's using the same magic that is used by the maegi across the Narrow Sea (which goes against their faith).

I certainly think there's potential with the focus being about Harry's morals (which are high even having been raised in a modern day world) while being stuck in Westeros. He's strong, but how will he be able to deal with the fact even those closest to him pull off acts the Death Eaters would be proud of?

Making him a Lannister was a good idea. If he was a Stark he wouldn't be in that moral dilemma as much. It certainly is going to be interesting to see how he deals with Tywin or Cersei's ruthlessness.

I also think he should have had more of a reaction to Pate's whipping (or at least, a flashback to a former whipping where he had a reaction). It'd seem like such a small thing to these Westerosi, but to Harry such an act would be utterly depraved.



Also read the other fics recommended here recently.

A Better Fate - was kinda mildly interesting. Didn't mind Lyndea's role in the fic that much, but so far nothing else particularly interesting has happened.

In Good Company - was surprisingly enjoyable as well. I think what makes it good is that Stannis is written as a somewhat broken man. Despite the fact he's largely winning at everything he's done, he feels miserable, has some self loathing and always tries to right his behaviour with people and fails (the scenes with his family are great).

 

I've found this story to be amazing, in a pretty 'Holy fuck, where did this idea come from?' way. It's one of those fics that just came out of nowhere and due to the writer's skill, somehow resulted in something amazing.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/472905

And because there was that talk of Rhaegar a few pages back, here's another story I found to be amazing:

As you can probably guess, it focuses of Rhaegar's actual wife, who I've found often gets ignored, examining her role in the whole thing, but it also gives a reasonable, realistic depiction of Rhaegar and his failings. I found that I really liked Elia and the way she was written in this.

 

Cxjenious: Why don't you post your fic in the HP Works forum? It will be easier for us to give you advice on what works/doesn't work. It's better than posting on fanfiction.net and needing to edit and update it without people realizing it.

 

As far as I saw Harry's magic is seen as a blessing from the gods. If the King and the High Septon say that it's a blessing then I doubt the general populous is going to contradict them. I don't really see the problem with it being known in that case. The secret power thing is overdone anyway. You can still have some zealots trying to assassinate him as a story element though.

It would be interesting to see a little backlash from the whipping since his own family ruthlessly exploited a weakness they noticed in him. Perhaps Harry will take care not to show any such weaknesses in the future or something.