Spot on, mate. If I choose the latter, 'hurt' is too nice a word. Things wouldn't bode well for them in Lannisport either.

 

I think this was a turning point in Harry's character. He just found out what was carried out under his family's orders. That has to suck, so I doubt we're going to see Harry going on a friendly visit to his grandfather, unless it's to find out the truth.

One of my favorite things about this story is that the characters seem in line with what we see in the books. They don't have one setting.

 

If I'm being honest, I'm more concerned for Myrcella than the Nameless. But that could be because they're basic OCs at this point and she's a ASOIAF original + a little sister + the only Good! Lannister with Tommen replaced.

 

I've written two very long, very rough scenes of mostly dialogue, but I can't wrap my head around all of it. Maybe it's the white background and the little black letters, or maybe the ungodly hour, but when I try to read over it, everything jumbles together. I was wondering if anyone would like to give me a second opinion? There's meant to be a scene with Joffrey in between them that I haven't written yet, and one with the King afterwards.

 

I don't mind having a look if you want.

 

Thanks! What's your email? You can pm it to me.

 

Why not just drop it in WbA?

 

You know, I hadn't even thought of that. And someone mentioned it a while back, too. The scenes still need to be polished up a bit before that, though.

 

Well, wba is for help polishing.

 

The Prince Who Was Promised

was UPDATED again. Will edit with review.

EDIT: Fantastic chapter, the characterisation was great, I especially liked how the author showed the inner demons of Tyrion, Sandor and even those of Elia. There are some technical problems throughout the text, but nothing too distracting. If the quality stays like this there will be a place in the DLP library for this story. SOON.

 

That chapter was pretty heavy - especially where Harry was talking to Tyrion.

I have a feeling something terrible is going to happen to Aeryn and I'm not looking forward to it.

 

Really good chapter, lots of nice character development and interactions throughout.And I actually care a little bit more about Aeryn now than I did when we first met her. cxjenous has found Harry's voice and those of the ASOIAF characters far better than his originals, I think.

 

Loving the story. I love revolutionary!Harry.

 

So, we've come to the first pivot point. I'm interested in seeing how this will affect Harry's character.

 

Thought the conversation with Tyrion was weak. It had a couple of problems.

1. Repetition. I didn't count, but it certainly felt like there were a lot of "but you do!" or similar phrases spoken by Tyrion. In fact, the whole conversation follows the same repeating pattern:

Tyrion: Assertion about Harry's character.
Harry: Denial of assertion.
Tyrion: You do!

2. Tyrion didn't feel smart enough. He's making a lot of assertions about Harry's character, and almost all of them feel unfounded to the reader - Tyion presents no evidence, no examples with persuasive power. He's just making statements ex cathedra. He's also uncharacteristically dismissive of Harry's protests, and offers some pretty weak counter arguments.

On the flip side, he doesn't seem nearly as bitter as he should be about Harry being promised Casterly Rock, and he seems to have too much care for the idea of family loyalty.

 

Hey Cxjenious, how come you didn't send PM to me that you started writing this story? I totally missed it till now. On the plus side there is more to read. Will give my comments once I'm done with it, but it better be good.

 

I counted a few... didn't seem like that many to me.

How could I make him 'feel' smarter? As far as the assertions lacking persuasive evidence... I thought I'd put the evidence in Harry's character and his actions. I suppose I didn't convey that well enough. Tyrion is ranting - he's full of wine and he's pissed at the world, he doesn't want to hear what Harry has to say. And, in a roundabout kind of way, he's trying to warn his nephew.

Why would he take all of his bitterness out on his nephew? Like he said, it isn't Harry's fault Tywin made him heir.

Spoiler

When Tyrions escapes to Pentos, Illyrio mentions forcing the Lannister's off the Iron Throne, and Tyrion objects/warns Illyrio, saying that he is still a Lion. Even after killing his own father, he still shows family loyalty. I quite think that family loyalty is very important to Tyrion.

I just assumed you were on the up and up. I'll make sure to give you a shout out in the next chapter.

 

I read it and it's definitely good.

I like your characterization of Harry, making him a kid with an old mind rather than an old man with a body of a kid. His ability to see ghosts was unexpected, but added a lot to the story.

And I see in the earlier discussion that at first you had Harry be open with his magic, but I agree with most that it would be a mistake. Many problems were already mentioned, but additionally you would lose most of these interesting scenes where he finally reveals his powers to people around him and their reactions vary depending on who they are and what is the situation.

Anyway, it's already interesting read while barely in its setup stage. I can see it becoming a must read fic somewhere in the future.

 

I don't really see what's wrong with that. The way I saw it, it was a drunk and very angry Tyrion who basically just wanted to relieve some of his anger.

He wasn't looking to have a healthy debate, or actually try to convince Harry about anything. He just wanted to rip into Harry, insult him and the way he does that is by bringing up aspects of Harry's personality that go against Harry's own values.

To be honest, it seemed quite natural to me. Remember Harry *is* technically a child and will be verbally overpowered by Tyrion. And I've seen real life arguments where an older, angry person will simply just fire off a barrage of negative character assessments with the the other party barely being left with any time to have their own say. Hell, it even happens with people of the same age.

 

In which case, it wasn't anywhere near angry enough. He shouldn't have even be making the attempt at being rational or making arguments. He should have just ripped Harry to shreds with insults, rather than calmly delivered comments about his character with faux justification.

(That's what I meant as not being bitter enough. If bitterness is his motivation, he should be truly mean, not having the appearance of trying to dispense wisdom and education).

On the subject of family: certainly Tyrion cares about the idea of family. But a) this is normally buried deep under a layer of sarcasm and cynicism and b) he mostly shows it to people outside his family, not to members of his family.