This is very good. I love the idea, the only points I would suggest to watch for are more general than specific.

The Magic System
In my opinion I think you would be better off tweaking what is possible in this world with magic. Basically I think it would kind of kill the mood a little if I was seeing incantations every second. The way it has been written so far is pretty spot on for me.

Main Character Padding
This is one of the things that I think makes the SoIF universe great. Martin writes his world in a way that nobody is safe from the horrors and strife of his world. It wouldn't surprise me if Daenery's (probably the character with the most plot defence) were to be raped, enslaved, maimed and loose all her Dragons. It adds a sense of real danger in his world. I would just caution to stay true to themes of the universe.
Just because Harry is the main character and a wizard, in no way should make him safe. Basically do not make his tale easy. Nobody in SoIF has an easy time of it and Harry shouldn't be the exception.

 

His first real friends were beaten, raped and/or killed.
While I agree something should happen to Harry himself, it's a good start to show him the real danger of Westeros.

 

I'm thinking/hoping that a Harry that died at 200ish years of age would be pretty confident at non-verbal casting. I agree that you wouldn't want spells being mentioned every moment but like I wrote a while back I feel one of the strengths of this fic is the light hold he has on reminding us that this is Harry Potter with Harry Potter magic.

Again, I imagine/hope Cxjenious will only be spelling it out when Harry's feeling some rage or cruelty.

 

Have you thought about Harry becoming a knight? I think he would have to be sent out as a page soon if I'm not mistaken.

I guess that could be problematic if Tywin wants to actually keep him close, maybe a knight from his own household would take Harry on, maybe even Tywin himself.

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I'm atleast pretty sure that I read somewhere that Tywin has had pages/squires before, even though there's no mention of him being a knight, but neither was King Robert and he had two Lannister squires. So I don't know how they explain that.

 

He doesn't have to be a page to be a knight, if that's the route he wants to travel. He doesn't even have to be a squire. If he does feel the need to become a squire, he has his own knights to teach him how to care for armor and horses and what-not.

And like you said, there's also Lord Tywin himself.

EDIT: Squires are essentially the servants of knights. Those with the steel for it go on to become knights. Others just stay servants.

 

I guess being the Prince does give him some leeway in not taking the traditional way to become a knight.

It just got stuck in my mind, because Jaime was sent to foster and become a knight at Crakehall and he was Tywin's heir.

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But since he's such a firm believer in The Seven, I would think that the faith that brought along the idea of a knight would atleast plant the idea of becoming one into him.

 

It typically goes page -> squire -> knight, but you can bypass that process with "any knight can proclaim another man a knight for whatever reason he chooses" such as smuggling onions, or as a battlefield promotion.

Becoming a knight isn't super important, and the practice isn't much followed in the North and Dorne. If you're a member of the nobility, then there's no real need to become a knight as well. It's primarily a martial position. It's very desirable for soldiers or other smallfolk to become knights, but less so for the members of the nobility.

Wait, what? Harry does not believe in the Seven. The only one he truly believes exists is The Stranger [aka Death].

He prayed with them in the gardens of the Sept, in the shadow of the mighty statue of Baelor, even though he didn't believe in the Seven. He believed in the Stranger though, had felt her embrace, as dark as the blackest night, had tasted the oily nothingness of nonexistence, had fallen asleep in her arms a wizard and woken a prince.
--Ch 3

 

Not the Seven. The Stranger. Death, basically.

EDIT: I was ninja'd as well. Darn.

 

Darn Ninja's and their sneaky ways!

 

That chortling you can hear - it's just your imagination.

 

I should really stop posting at 4 in the morning, I get shit confused.

 

Loved it so far. Great piece of work and I look forward to more.

My one curiosity is if he will expand the story or stick with Harry. The thing I liked the most about ASOIAF is the different perspectives. While I don't think he has to emulate that style, I'm curious to see if the writer will have Harry see important events or if it will be just heard through other characters by Harry.

 

Everything else has already been said better than I can be bothered to at 1am but as far as perspectives go there's definitely an appeal to having one character you can back and with the popularity of ASoIaF and other novels in that style it can be hard to find a good book with less than three ''protagonists'', even then they'll try to fake it in the blurb or advertisement by playing up the roles of side characters.

Not to mention the fact that Harry's development, specifically that of his world views, is going to mean a lot more when it is a change to the perspective we have followed all through the story rather than it simply being one perspective shift in a string of perspective shifts.
Same character or not if I'm used to a change in that particular aspect of the story, it isn't going to hit as hard when it counts.

 

Well, I think Tywin's POV would be interesting.

 

Another thing, Lord Harry Lannister of Casterly Rock or Lord Harry Baratheon of Casterly Rock?

I guess he would have to go by Lannister or else there is really no point of Tywin naming him his heir, since while Harry would be family, he would not be a Lannister. And that's kinda the thing with Tywin, everything is about the name.

And just to get the pairing discussion going again, Lannister of Lannisport wife to bring the remaining Lannisters onboard? Even though Tywin is like their God I would still think that it's abit much to bring in a Baratheon and name him heir.

Maybe Rosamund Lannister, as she is of the same age as his sister, so the ages would somewhat fit. Although I guess since she's almost a clone of his sister that would be disturbing.

I would have suggested a Lannister of Casterly Rock, but only two females, one is two while the other is a bastard.

 

Verbatim from el wiki - Heirs born into a different house drop their birth surname when they come into their inheritance, adopting the name of the inherited house as their own.

There is absolutely no reason for him to marry any of the Lannisters or their kin.

 

If Tywin is satisfied with Harry's progress under his tutelage, I can see him leaving Harry behind in Casterly Rock to take command there, while he travels to King's Landing for his Hand of the King duties. I think it would make sense of Tywin to try to separate Harry and Joffrey, if he knows of their hatred for one another. The less possible conflict between the two of them, the better for House Lannister.
Having the responsibility of Casterly Rock would also be a good test for Harry in preparation of him becoming Warden of the West sometime in the future. If the war between Robb and the Lannisters happens in this story as it did in the books, it could be interesting to see Harry taking command of the Lannister army in the west and doing a better job of battling Robb than whoever lost the battles in the Westerlands.
This of course would mean, that Robb probably doesn't meet Jeyne Westerling and the Red Wedding never happens. So even if the armies of Harry and Tywin push back the north invasion, Robbs host combined with the Freys would remain a threat in the north, while Renly and Stannis would threaten Kings Landing from the south.
Even if everyone would believe that Harry is Roberts trueborn son, I can't see Tywin making Harry king just to appease everyone, since that would basically admit that Joffrey and Myrcella are not Roberts children. So Joffrey would still be king and Stannis and Renly would still rebel.

 

That is all under the assumption that the storyline will follow canon. Which I kind of hope it won't.