Awesome story. Only problem I have is that Penelope would be Voldermort's
Goddaughter, and that she would turn on Percy like that. Still was great though.

 

Congratulations on passing your exam.

 

Chapter 19 first 3 scenes in work by author

As a treat, the first 3 scenes are in work by author. I am eager to see what you think. PLEASE comment in that thread. Save this one for when the actual completed chapter is posted.

Jim

 

Chapter 19 Author's Notes

Okay. So here we are at the author's notes section. First let me say I'm glad to be back and thanks again to everyone who wished me good luck and platonic love.

Scene 1 - Voldy like he was meant to be. I die a bit inside everytime I read a Wormtail "Crucio" scene. Gah! Its even worse when he just up and kills whomever failed him. I hope everyone liked his little speech at the end. He is a showman after all. Give the masses a message, show them your power and give them a target to hate. It's a proven formula.

Scene 2 - More Susan, light on the fluff. Whenever I am struggling with this story I write Tom or I write Susan. It helps get the mental roadblocks down.

Scene 3 - When I envisioned this chapter it was originally Lavender and Colin in the bank. Instead as I was writing the previous scene it became obvious to me to make it a follow on Susan scene. The action sequence went pretty good and has been warmly recieved. For the lobby, I think that the goblin's defensive measures were adequate. One can only assume that where the vaults are there are more 'interesting' defenses.

Scene 4 - This one is for all you who have been saying it is about time for Lucius to get his. My early version had Peter boasting that he would be eating corn all this week, so Lucius would get his nutrients. Voldy was stuck as a ghost/spectre thing for over a decade! I think he would have come up with tailor made punishments/solutions for each individual DE. A week as a dungbeetle eating Peter's corn laden chunkies, doesn't that beat the old Crucio. As you well realize, I am not big on Lucy. Voldy points out his failures in glowing detail.

Scene 5 - Back to Susan. I wanted her to give a good show, but still lose badly. Part of the dynamic between Harry and Susan is her lack of faith in herself. I actually found a decent latin translation website for the spells, though I am willing to bet Chains of Iron has been used elsewhere. The other spell supposedly translates as Pulverize and Crush/Demolish.

Scene 6 - Why is Harry tense? Part of it is anxiety about Snape and what is coming. The rest of it is the weak bond he shares with Susan. Sometimes I hate the stories where instantly a bond is developed and the bonded pair read a book. Now they know everything about bonds and suddenly it is an alert system. Spider sense tingling, Susan in Danger must go now! Harry doesn't know why he is so on edge. To underscore this scene is Harry and Nigellus's relationship. Harry doesn't completely trust Dumbledore. He is more than content to get his info from the painting.

Scene 7 - Snape getting fired. I have this sneaking suspicion like every one else here that JKR will 'redeem' Snape in book 7. Not here not now. Both Minerva and Filius have been through 2 wars already. Sometimes people forget that. Last chapter you may have gotten the impression that Flitwick was a pacifist. No he doesn't duel anymore because of an accidental death. He doesn't want to teach children spells with which they could harm each other, but he is a capable fighter. Many guessed correctly that Harry will offer up the prophecy... What was really bothering Harry at the breakfast table, knowing that Snape killed Susan's mother and he let him go once at Auror HQ and that he was about to let him go again.

Jim

 

Just read the lastest Chapt. I like it. Wasnt my favorite but good if you ask me. I can see how Susan would lose badly.

I like the way you have done Flitwick in this Chapter. He is supposed to be a duel champion isnt he? His threat towards Snape scared Snape alot more than anything else at the time. To me atleast.

I wanna see Potter vs Snape without Bubblemork holding them back. HBP showdown between the two was kinda one sided. A lot of stories have Snape as a weak wizard who is a good Potion brewer and thats good. But Fics with Snape being a powerful and skilled deatheater and a serious the about killing a Harry that is just about his equal is something nice. To me its about as nice as a serious duel between Bubblemore and and Voldement.

 

Wonderful chapter. Discusting punishment for Lucius. Sucks to be Neville, though. All his favorite people keep getting tortured into insanity.

 

I disagree with Dranco on two things;
1. While i agree that the chapter was okay heading into the last two scenes; after that it became great, especially with the confrontation setup.
2. Snape vs. Harry right now would suck because how would harry compare to 30 plus years of Dark Arts training when he only has a couple weeks of training under his belt?

 

That was an interesting Chapter. I look forward to Snapes death

Now.. go update Bungle.. its more.. original I suppose.

 

Dranco - Thanks for the compliment on Flitwick. You'll have to wait for Potter v Snape. But you may not have to wait that long ....

Darth B - You have to admit it is much better that "Lord Voldemort then proceeded to Crucio Lucius causing him unimaginable pain" I can't express enough my disdain for those scenes.

KG009 - Thanks for the compliment. Snape does have alot of experience, but on the other hand he has to spend 9 months out of the year teaching 11 year olds how to make boil curing potions and grade reams and reams of parchment on things he knows by heart. He is probably a bit relieved that he has been canned.

Myst - I start working on Bungle tomorrow. I am sure ever non-slytherin graduate from the last decade would look forward to Snape's death.

Jim

 

Jbern, you're avatar is weird, you know that, right? Everyone else, you'll never look at corn the same, will you?

 

Weird yes. Disturbing like your previous avatar, I don't think so.

Who among us hasn't stood up, turned and looked upon nature's machinations and wondered, "Why doesn't corn digest all that well?"

Now of course everyone will know where I do some of my best plot designing ...

Jim

 

*looks distinctly uncomfortable*

Uhhh...well...to each his own, I guess...

Anyways, I really enjoyed the chapter, it was written very well and the characterizations were spot-on. Great job. I really liked how Susan isn't a Super!friend like most other authors make Harry's love interest out to be. But, she did put up an abnormally strong fight, even though she got crushed, which shows that she isn't incompetent. A perfect balance, I think.

Great job, now go update Bungle!

 

I like your new chapter and I agree with Fuego.

 

What? You've never heard it called the thinking stool before? Mr. F, it's like this, "The human body is a wonderous thing ..."

Jim

 

I never had any issues digesting corn... Sunflower seed shells on the other hand....

EDIT: I liked the chapter -- but I don't like what happened to Luna, I just like her character too much to enjoy seeing her end up like the Longbottoms. I did like what happened to Flint, very entertaining seeing him go down in a suicide mission.

 

Hahahaha.

Jim: Great chapter. Voldemort was especially intriguing, and I love the way that you've characterized him. I liked the Gringotts part as well...can't wait to see what happens to Susan.

With Snape, I was a bit iffy, but I'll wait to see the outcome before I say anything.

Well done.

 

I just realised that the author of this fic is a member of the site, don't I feel like a moron.

Anyhow, I love this fic, what drew me into it was the Harry/Susan which I wanted to read and see if this story actually did it well which it did. I wouldn't say that its totally realistic but enough so thats its enjoyable to read.

I agree that your characterizations are extremly well done especially Voldemort. Many authors forget that the man didn't get the following and power he has by randomly throwing Crucio around. The Flint scean was perfect, sick and original just like it should be. Flitwick and Minerva are all realistic and well done.

I'm waiting to see what you'll do with Snape, best of luck.

 

Jim, you've done an excellent job of pulling back on the overly cliched romance. After your first few chapters I kind of rolled my eyes, and I was just waiting for Harry's 'spider sense' to spring into action so he could go save his damsel in distress and she could swoon in his 'protective embrace.'

I'm glad you resisted temptation and treated Susan like the adult she is rather than a storybook damsel.

Great chapter. Thanks.

 

Your Voldemort is one of the best I have ever read.
Your scene with the goblins was pretty original to, depicting the security of gringotts. Its is the safest place to store something after all and its refreshing to see an author describe the security without adding dragons or all powerful goblin runes.

excellent chapter.
keep up the good work!

 

Great Chapter Jim. I liked it better than the last even though the portrayal of Voldie was so great in the last. Still feel sorry for Luna, Petter needs to "acidentialy" drown Lucis in 'food.'