I like this fic a lot, which is rare for the Naruto fandom. Naruto, Konoha, the whole cast/world feel real and militaristic. Sasuke isn't a complete fucking OOC doucher like he is on the rest of ff.net which adds a point. Don't want to spoil but fuck yeah Team Gai :awesome 4/5 with potential to go up

 

You're right, this isn't in the Library for some reason. It should be! Despite my initial distaste for the writing style - I'm not a fan of present tense in general, and reading a Naruto story in first person is just weird to me - the story rapidly grew on me. The basic concept is interesting, the characters that have had time devoted to them feel developed, and the actual story is very original so far.

I look forward to reading more of it. I agree with CheddarTrek's rating, 4.5/5, rounded up to 5.

 

Thinking about this fic on a holistic level is interesting to me - it exhibits a whole lot of things that I should do better in my own fics, but also has a bunch of issues.

Personally, I think it's a little slow moving, in many respects. The pace is just short of glacial once in a while, but picks up other times, in a way that could be disorienting if there isn't a ton of attention invested.

The earlier chapters are of slightly lower quality, but I know Menace is messing with them for improvement, so that'll change at some point.

Meanwhile, during my read of this, I found myself unable to stop. It certainly exhibits the ability to draw a reader even if the reader doesn't start very invested.

There's a little mystery plot which

Spoiler

involves Sakura and is now resolved slightly, but is still important, and

kept me hooked throughout the entirety of the story.

Any fic warranting inside jokes and ham-fisted all-caps shouting of WIND CHAKRAS and (my own) 1NF1N1T3 S34L1N' C0MB0ZZ is probably worth something - we make fun of your work because we like it, or something.

4.5/5

Honestly there aren't many issues.

 

S'all good. I like all the characters involved and the story so far. Stuff that should be weird - Kyuubi the wind kitsune, present tense, first person - somehow fit quite well and its an unusually intriguing fc. The only real criticism that comes to mind is that I'd like it to pick up the pace and show us more of this alternate world. So really, I just want more of it.

4/5 and likely to rise.

 

Glad to see this making the push to get into the library. The best thing I can say about this fic is how unexpected it can be. Early on we establish a slew of slight irregularities. Just enough of them that we're left waiting to find out what else might be subtly different. The new team seven dynamic is one of my favourite parts of this story, that and the potential behind Sakura's sub plot. Very mysterious.

I'm also a big fan of how you write Naruto. Lot's of writers have a tendency of abusing his "trade marks" or heinously stupid behaviour. You don't do either of these things. Instead you took at his character's primary traits (stubbornness, loyalty, and crass humour) and focus on using them as the lynch pin to his character. You don't need to fall back on the tropes (most of the time), because the way Naruto acts is still Naruto - just without all the annoying bits from canon and fanon.

 

This piece is in many ways an exhibit of what good fanfic should look like. It's original, well written, coherent, and different enough in new ways that the reader wants more of the premise offered. Despite the AU setting it's still loyal enough to canon for the reader to feel as if they're familiar and invested enough with the world to make them actually care.

The criticisms stated previous are mostly correct. The pacing is rather slow, sometimes, due to the amount of information that is being put forward. Furthermore, most are in anticipation of seeing more of the world developed and more of the overarching plot revealed and explored.

The primary thing holding this fic back from 5/5 status is that we simply haven't seen enough of it. Menace has created a solid foundation for a promising story with potential for excellence, but that is all we've really seen. The foundation. That foundation needs to be built upon before we can rate the result.

Current Rating: 4.25/5

 

Part of the reason for this may be that Menace is basically rewriting much of the Naruto-world. The bijuu are not what they are in the manga. The characters are not what they are in the manga. The history of the world is not what it is in the manga. The plot at this point is totally unclear, and at best is very loosely connected to the manga.

Basically, Menace took Naruto and then started rewriting and changing it on a grand scale. And thats fine if you have the skills to do it, and I so far enjoy reading the story so its working for me atleast . However it does mean that the story is going to need a lot more length than your average fan-fic to get going, since so much of the background stuff that we would normally get by default from the manga are not there or are different, and need to be told and explained by the story. Actually, explained better in some ways I would say than in a totally original story, since otherwise we would assume they do match with the manga, which might cause problems when they don't.

Like I said, the basic plot of the story is still totally unclear. We have no idea who the "bad guys" are, or anything really. It may be 82K of words, buts its mostly been 82K of buildup so far. Again great (unless you hate long stories, I like them), but it does mean that the story still has plenty of time to suddenly turn into some unexpected direction that half the readers will totally hate .

 

Okay, had an indepth gushing of this fic in the WbA thread but copying that is kinda lame so just an abridged version of that:

Love this story and it definitely deserves a place in the library. Writing is good and it does so many things right that fail in most stories. Naruto is likeable here, and a very interesting character. The new take on him with his different condition is interesting and makes me want to follow his story and root for his success. The way he interacts with his peers and his superiors is admirable and I love his friendship to Sasuke and his slowly forming connection to Sakura, which is upheld via team mate loyalty and a childish but very reasonable crush that goes beyond the physical. (at least that was my take on that, something that Naruto himself doesn't realize yet)

On that note, characters such as Sasuke and Sakura, who are usually bashed or made one dimensional and unlikable are very interesting and likeable to follow, each with different circumstances behind them and intriguing story lines. I definitely want to find out more about them and they feel like they are gradually forming a closer team, something that does take time.

Worldbuilding is interesting with the bijuu centric focus and the interesting new developments, like the Uchiha clan still alive, and other things were we need more information.

One thing I have to agree on is that this fic, as of now, probably needs to be huge and as so much has happened and we are still in its beginnings, relatively speaking. It is not that the pace is slow, I had no problem with that. We get the information and Naruto's (and his teammates) improvement in training very realistically, but, with all that promise and hints of things to come and mysteries that are being build, it may take a long time for us to get answers and while I hope that the story will finish by addressing each of them with the time and length they deserve, it is rare to see such long stories get finished. It really is huge in scope and I hope that the author gets to finish it. Would love for that to happen, since it is quite an ambitious project and one worth pursuing.

So yeah, 5/5 so far and definitely library worthy. One of the best Naruto fics all around with what may be maybe my favourite take on the Naruto character so far.

 

Put it in the library. Too damn good not to be there.

 

Just finished what's up on FF.net. Can't believe I missed this one.

5/5

 

Menace's fic is still popular enough we can talk about it in the WBA, Ched ;p In all seriousness though : not enough Wind Chakras. More Naruto/Sasuke brotacular adventures too please.

 

Like I said in the Wba, I am not a fan of how Menace used Naruto's deficiency, but it's hard to argue against putting the story in the Library.

So even if I am not as much in it as you lot, I still give it a 4/5.

 

This fic is good, 4/5.
But characterization of main protagonist is weird. I feel like I'm reading about some pampered little shit and not Uzumaki Naruto.

 

Pampered little shit? Could you give some examples? Because I really have no idea what you're talking about.

 

Uhh, wut? I mean, he's not going to be hated by the villagers because he's not a known jinchuuriki. Jinchuuriki don't even exist as far as everyone else is concerned.

 

I'm not sure, it is just the feeling I got from small things in this story. Naruto whines too much. He is too smart and too strong comparing to other genin. And unfortunately he lacks charisma.

That being said, the story is good, but I guess, I just don't like to read about OOC.