Title: Unmapped Temperament
Author: ANOVA Normal
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure/Romance
Status: WIP
Library Category: The Alternates
Pairings: Harry/Fleur
Summary: A new threat enters the game and Harry finds himself surrounded and chased by all sides. The Order is scattered and Harry is on the run. He must rally all his wits to survive. Without the support Harry once relied on, he must find in himself the temper to fight back, alone if need be. Attempting an international thriller. Slow start. Eventually Harry/Fleur.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9401569/1/Unmapped-Temperament


I haven't been so excited to find a new fic in a long time. Shit hits the fan right out of the gate, the characterization is unique and and interesting, and the author isn't pulling any punches. The 'slow start' in the summary seems to refer to the planned length of the story; 60,000 words in and there's no end in sight. There's been zero romance so far (Fleur isn't even on the stage yet), but the adventure/thriller part is goddamn amazing.

The writing is a little overblown, sometimes even a bit cheesy, but I'd urge you to stick with it to at least the end of chapter 2 before moving on. I give it a 5/5, and I can only see this getting better.

 

That was really well done. There's a few super cheesy moments, but overall the writing is solid and the entire fic has a very distinct feel to it.

I'm really enjoying his portrayal of Chinese Wizards, and the magical Triads seem to just get crazier and crazier.

tentative 4/5 for now.

 

Ok there is something I've always wondered about. When an author goes out of their way to tell us in advance that there will be romance in the story and the romantic pairing does it mean that the romance will play a large role in the story?

 

Fast paced, exciting and all round brilliant. It has one of the best characterizations of Voldemort I have ever seen.

Go and read it immediately. It's a brilliant story.

5/5 and it keeps getting better as the chapters go.

 

Let's see, so far Voldemort has tortured a random death eater, ordered his minions to accelerate his unspecified "plans", bitched at Wormtail, and told snape to make him a super special potion of awesome. Sheer brilliance I tell you!

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed what's been written so far here, but of all the things to praise you pick that?

Overall I'd give this a 3.5ish. The pacing is good and the action scenes have a good sense of tension to them, but I'm not sure how I feel about the whole Chinese wizards bit. Time will tell, this could go either way.

 

That's how you start a godamn story. I love it.

 

New and readable Harry/Fleur?

http://i.imgur.com/oOQBCe2.gif

 

Very great. Reminds me a lot of Ectomancer and Renegade Cause. 5/5

 

What I meant was Voldemort actually thinking about the Mob's motives and him telling Snape that it's not his pride that is making him angry about the situation. This Voldemort has no fixation borderline obsession that Harry has to die by his wand which I think is the biggest flaw in canon one.

 

Are we reading the same story? Because the story I'm reading is full of foreign super wizards that can break the fidelius and the blood wards through clever application of their foreignness.

 

Don't worry KGB, I was underwhelmed as well. Prose was meh, some of the plot points drew me out of the story going wtf, and while I'm not sure where this Chinese wizarding is going, so far it has left me bored.

 

Fic doesn't seem to...flow, for me. Mostly because I keep feeling the author is trying way too hard.

The opening was very well written and appropriately explosive. However it seemed to go downhill from there. The mob scenes felt overdone after the first few chapters.

Tonks' characterization felt annoying at best. While I get the idea of tough love, the almost bipolar change in attitude annoyed me. Also to get behind the person administering tough love I need to be able to empathize with said character - and see some consistency. Tonks felt like a bully at worst and some sort of socially stunted person at best.

The cheesiness others pointed out seemed more like an author who's seem one too many guidance counselor movie scenes. Quite irritating too. Although it's almost as if he/she was being self referential and satirizing the fact with constant mentions of "second rate philosophy".

Compared to similar explosively opening fics, I don't think this stands as well. Compare with Renegade Cause - while everything is going to hell, it doesn't feel like Silens is trying to ram down "super secret all powerful Machiavellian organization" trope down our throats. The fic seems to take solid ideas and make them cliches. Which is why, I reiterate, good ideas but quite overdone execution. (Interestingly, I'm not even a big fan of Renegade - just never got into it. Still I objectively get it's well written and with a solid 4-4.5.)

3/5.

Edit: McGonagall felt a bit off, although not an issue. Voldemort was written atrociously though.

 

Eh, personally I didn't like that there were four distinct magic systems, that were so completely different (And I'm going to guess here and say that means they all abide by different laws) and that they were all connected by one similarity. The killing curse.

The fact that the Chinese seem to have a vastly superior magical system seems flawed to me. If the protagonist was chinese and had access to this magic, it would reek of SuperProtagonist!! To me.

Also Tonks ? There's no other way to put this, but bluntly. You took a fairly well liked character from the books, the one that made everyone laugh, was generally nice, that everyone thought rather lovable, and you made her an utter cunt. She seems to be nothing but a bully in this story, and it seems like she enjoys kicking Harry when he's down! But why does she think he's a snivelling little brat ? Because he just lost his friends, godfather, mother figure, and fuck, his entire life and future was wiped out in a flash of light (Literally!) But no, Tonks thinks he's just being a brat. The author done a wonderful job turning Tonks into a heartless bitch IMO.

Also, Voldermort...I expected better. The less said, the better.

Overall, I'd give this 3/5

 

BitchyCunt!Tonks went a long way towards ruining this for me.

The completely cliche "kill off a shitload of Harry's friends right at the beginning" plot device didn't help either.

2.5/5

 

I really don't like this story. It seems to be hitting a whole bunch of cliches with bad prose and some plot points that seemed to be lifted straight from Renegade Cause. Plus I found Harry's inner monologue to be incredibly irritating.

 

I really liked the opening chapters, with the sudden brutality and the stark confusion of Harry, and I also especially enjoyed the rundown with Scrimgeour. Still interested to see what happens to Tonks, whose character I actually liked, perhaps because most of her portrayals in fanfiction are the exact opposite. There were a lot of small, irritating errors, and the story as a whole needs some tidying up, but it was worth my time in the end. If I had to honestly grade it, I'd say it's a 3.5/5 and I'll even round up to 4 because I think it's worth a library spot.

The last chapter wasn't very good, IMO. I think it's the OC that grates on everyone's nerves.

 

I actually liked the Harry - Tonks interaction. It dealt very well with Harry's dependance on Dumbledore at this point in the story. The portrayal of the angsty teenager that he behaves like at some points was good considering that he is a teen who lost many of his closest and dearest.

The overpowered Chinese was irritating, but I'm hoping for a decent explanation sometime in the future. I'm looking forward to that confrontation between Dumbledore and the Chinese. That should give a good idea of what's the actual difference between the two systems of magic.

Overall, this story reminds me strongly of Renegade Cause. If it will be a rip off of that story or diverge into something good remains to be seen.

 

...Honestly? After reading the majority of the comments here. I don't even have the will to open this fic up. Thank god though, that you all pointed out a great deal of things I don't like in fanfics, such as loads of random super powered Oc's. Now I won't have to waste my own time on it.