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Almost Recommended VI

Discussion in 'Fanfic Discussion' started by Dark Minion, Feb 9, 2013.

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  1. KGB

    KGB Headmaster

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    That was a good read thus far. The plot might be a bit to busy, what with the girl and the chinese dark lord and the terrorists and all the relationship angst and the goblins, but other than that it's hard to fault. When one of the plotlines comes to something this should definitely be put up for review.
     
  2. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy The Cursed Child DLP Supporter

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    I enjoyed reading it, but I'm kind of annoyed that Harry has cast like 3 spells the entire story and that he has a "penchant for muggle weaponry," but eh. I'll definitely keep following it and I'm intrigued about what happens with Hozhen.
     
  3. The Iron Rose

    The Iron Rose Chief Warlock

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    In fairness, there hasn't really been a lot of action yet. Hasn't used a gun yet thank god.
     
  4. Mutton

    Mutton Order Member

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    Midnight Blues is very much a buddy cop styled romp done right. Not even full on Rush Hour antics, as the serious parts do well, but everything just flows. I'd very much recommend this to the library
     
  5. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    The review I left for Midnight Blues after reading chapter one:

    Will be reading the rest, probably, but I'm not feeling an urgent need to click "next".
     
  6. Tenages

    Tenages Order Member DLP Supporter

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    As others have noted, the lack of HP magic and Muggle culture being omnipresent mean it lacks some of the "HP feeling" as it were, but regardless the characterizations and the plot itself are good enough that I'm enjoying the hell out of it. A nice buddy cop / mercenary story, and I can't think of too many of those in HP fanfiction. Definitely at least Recycle Bin level depending on how the rest of the story goes, could easily be Library worthy.
     
  7. Mutton

    Mutton Order Member

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    Meh, there are some stories which really suffer from being based in HP due to their worldbuilding; Emperor is the big one that comes to mind and should really be its own universe. This fic using HP as a starting point is fine, I'm really not autistic about the amount of license he's taking with the characters. We start seeing battle robes and Magic Katanas there might be an issue, but if he carries a backup gun to his wand I see no problem
     
  8. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    It updated to chapter 3. It is not as great as the first two chapters, but it has its moments and so many little things makes me happy.

    Stuff like that to show Saber being different is an amazing way to show it instead of just having her use random YE OLD ENGLISH.
     
  9. Another Empty Frame

    Another Empty Frame Fake Flamingo DLP Supporter

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    That's exactly what the author did though o.0
     
  10. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    Considering I quoted the author, I thought it made it obvious enough that it was an example of something I love. How did I make it sound otherwise?
     
  11. Russano

    Russano Disappeared

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    He's referring to the ye old english part. Which the author did.
     
  12. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    Hurrrrrrrr. I forgot add the word Butchered to it.
    Durrrrrrrr.
     
  13. the_wayfarer_2000

    the_wayfarer_2000 Squib

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    Oh, no worries, Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe shall make its appearance(s) later.
     
  14. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    Well now I have to make a srs review. I will think more of what I want to say... well besides the obvious. The full name of the actors is very off putting in your story as you have been doing world building so well. If that joke is to be done, it would be more amusing to randomize who gets the first and last name to see who notices it.
     
  15. the_wayfarer_2000

    the_wayfarer_2000 Squib

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    I'm amazed by the number of complaints I have had for that throw-away joke.
     
  16. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    It is only a problem since you are so good with immersion in the story. If the story was terrible, I wouldn't care about something bringing me out of said story.
     
  17. the_wayfarer_2000

    the_wayfarer_2000 Squib

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    I'm going to interpret that as: "I am so awesome I have trouble keeping up with myself."
     
  18. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    Alright, I suppose I will start off semi-randomly by stating this. It is quite unknown what the story is actually about. It feels more like a romp style fic, and while there is nothing wrong with something that is simply made to be fun... it would be nice to know if that is the case. It feels like a romp, but it also has some stuff setting up for a plot driven story. This is also not helped by the third chapter feeling the slowest of the three yet.

    Another is simple. I worry that you are giving too much credit to the Harry Potter universe. While the general ability to use magic is so much easier and effective in it, their combat abilities are so much less. This means that all these misunderstandings of the Fate/Stay crew massively overstating HP's abilities is quite amusing, I do hope that it does not turn into something dumb along those lines. This is a bit of a personal peeve of mine. Balancing the cast on purely combat abilities to make a balanced fight ends up removing all drama from any action scene. It is much more enjoyable to let one side be broken and powerful and have the drama come along on how one must overcome that. With that said, I enjoy having the HP universe just trump them on general use, because that is how it is. It also allows for good humor and the like.

    On a less pet peeve note, I do feel like Sakura and Rider are underutilized. This is not a huge deal as it is still the start of the story, but I have a hard time seeing why Rider exists besides because Rider is cool. This is stated to follow from UBW, and I am wondering what happened after that. This follows once again with the first point though. It feels more like a romp style fic with her around, so it is confusing that you seem to be hinting at a real plot.

    Really though, my issues are mostly minor. I am a large fan of this type of writing style with everyone feeling quite vibrant. It helps a huge deal by at least pretending you know your history, as it shows something that is often ignored by even the best in the F/SN writers. It does add to the story.

    Also if you say Magical Core, I will find a way to sick Taure on you.
     
  19. the_wayfarer_2000

    the_wayfarer_2000 Squib

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    I would first like to sincerely thank you for the time and effort you put into your review. Some of the issues I had already been aware of; on the other hand, some of the concerns you listed were new to me, or at least were a different perspective than my own.

    The only concern I will address here will be to answer your question that it is not a "romp", or at least I don't think it is (I assume "romp" means something casual). Given the degree of seriousness in the fic, I think this would have been obvious, despite its seeming lack of direction.

    As for the other issues, I will not be addressing them here. This is not because I want to ignore you, but because I want my fic to stand on its own without needing to have Word of God stuff floating around to make it work.

    I'm not sure what's wrong with the phrase "Magical Core". I am certain that Saber has a Magical Core that is a factory compared to normal human Magical Circuits, as stated on the Nasu wikia for Saber's entry.

    Again, thank you for reading, and thank you for your review.
     
  20. nahbutualright

    nahbutualright Slug Club Member

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    He means for the Harry Potter characters. Magical cores are a horrible fanon idea used to gauge magical strength and endurance, mainly so Harry can have one bigger than everybody else, and to introduce false tension in duels.
     
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