I still can't get over this one on the first post of this thread.

DARK!HARRY HARRY HAS SNAPPED DUMBLES HAS PUSHED HIM TOO FAR AND NOBODY KNOWS THE REAL HIM UNTIL TOM RIDDLE SHOWS UP AND TELLS HARRY ABOUT HIS VENOM EYES RATED M FOR SAFETY REASONS TRHP LMGW DMHG BWCW FWRL GWBL SFDT NLBZ RLSSSB HAVE FUN READING MPREG!

I gave up figuring out the initials after the first 3, wtf?

That fic is almost our antichrist, except that it's dark!harry...
How dark can you get when you hook up with the Dark Lord? /sarcasm


Ugh, I'm going to go insert a carnivorous earwig into my brain, excuse me...

 

AU This is not American football, no, this it is Football. Better known as Soccer. It's tough sport. Full of hard tackles, fast shots, and skillful moves. Even more exciting seeing that Harry and Draco are in the game. HD lovin'

Nothing about Harry is normal. Even for a centaur, his visions are scarily powerful. His attraction to the lone centaur Severus is also highly unusual. His journey to find answers is just beginning.

Merged with your above post, please edit your original post instead of double posting next time, DGD.

 

I found the BEST SUMMARY EVER!!

-AU-

...yea! That's it. No really, I'm serrious. All it says is that. I'm gonna go read it RIGHT now.

/would rather do a cow

 

I decided to see how many terriable summeries ff.net authors release on the world daily, these are from today.


Love, Life and All That Jazz by WhenLighteningStrikes reviews

Deja Vu. The feeling you get while reading Hr with anyone story, nowdays. Well Hermione's sick of being somebody else. Here's her scathing take on the fanfiction writers!
Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5874 - Reviews: 134 - Updated: 8-11-06 - Published: 2-26-06

the Final Fall by Flowerew reviews

of who else? moldywarts.
Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 100 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 8-11-06 - Published: 8-11-06

The MuggleBorn Slytherin by NamelessShadows

This is an alternate Harry Potter story wih my character Lyra Silvers who is a muggle born in Slytherin Hence the name lol She is a descendant of Slytherin's and her grandfather is Lord Voldemort. Be kind this is my first fic.
Fiction Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2959 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 8-11-06 - Published: 8-7-06

First Kiss by Rock Not War reviews

Reposted again! RonHermione. How they get together. Changed ending!
Complete - Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 931 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 8-11-06 - Published: 8-11-06

Not from today but definetly qualifies:

Alli Madisons Dream? by sexyface reviews

Alli Madison is a girl who hates her life. Until she is magicly transported to Hogwarts. Here she finds adventure, romance, and a time she'll never forget. She also realizes that she doesn't really have that bad. RHrHAl. PLease R&R!(6th year)
Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 8 - Words: 5105 - Reviews: 24 - Updated: 8-10-06 - Published: 3-12-04

Has anyone ever reada good fic that had netspeak in the summary?

 

1. Phoenix Tears Rising by Illeanah reviews

Panicked Lily ancient potion Death Eater Raid magic adventure, time travel and the true meaning of family.

I'm not sure i can work out what this means. I think it may be the worst summary of all time

 

Panicked!Lily, ancient potion, Death Eater raid, magic adventure, time travel, true meaning of family, not worth my time.

 

Oh god, not the [action]![character] shit again....

And I guess I'll contribute, lets see what jumps out...
When Did You Fall by weasleybabe24 reviews

ONESHOT. Ron is looking at Hermione one day, when he catches that look in her eyes and interprets its' meaning. And right now he only has one question worth asking...
Complete - Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1029 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 8-11-06 - Published: 8-11-06 This jumped out the most. More than likely a songfic by Train's "Tears Of Jupiter", judging from the title.

Though I did find a few others that seemed horrible.

KryptonianMutant by SpiritedAway123 reviews

Harry's life is living hell when he finds out that he is an alien and gets sent to Azkaban for a murder he didn't do in his fourth year.He also gets powers, and a year later gets bailed out of azkaban by mutants.SmallvilleHarryPotterXmen crossover
Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 3 - Words: 14691 - Reviews: 19 - Updated: 8-11-06 - Published: 7-28-06

The first girl Marauder by Kitten262 reviews

UH OH here comes trouble, but then again who said girls couldn't be Marauders?I know I have a bad rep for updating stories but I promise you that this will be updated soon.
Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1175 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 8-11-06 - Published: 7-16-06

Not gonna make witty comments on those two...

 

"Luccie&Voldie"? Though Draco Malfoy may be considered a pretty-boy, "gorgeous" doesn't fit. Also, "adorable" isn't supposed to be applied to those over the age of five - six if they look younger.

 

Just Perfect by Shai Nevermore reviews

Draco' I asked, grinning evilly in the dark. 'What' he moaned sleepily.'Do you think we're soul mates' There was a beat of silence. Then, 'You are an evil, soulless harpy. If you weren't my fiancee, I would despise you.'
Fiction Rated: T - English - Action/Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 78285 - Reviews: 37 - Updated: 8-11-06 - Published: 8-1-06

Ugh, if that's not slash, I don't know what is... Fyi, it was the first thing that popped up, and I don't feel adventourus enough to open it.

 

Harry's life is living hell when he finds out that he is an alien and gets sent to Azkaban for a murder he didn't do in his fourth year. He also gets powers, and a year later gets bailed out of azkaban by mutants.SmallvilleHarryPotterXmen crossover

Well, I bet that would be a shock to poor Harry:

"Mum? Ignoring the fact that you're completely and corpsely dead, why do I have green tentacles growing from my back?" Harry asked Lily, who hummed abstently and looked up.

"Harry, it's time I told you the truth. Your father....was not James Potter." Lily said softly.

"Merlin! Who was it?"

"I never got his name, but he had nine tentacles, two penises, seventeen eyeballs, and a cute little three-seater spaceship."





AU: Twinfic, Harry, his twin Larry and his whole family survived. Harry!good, Remus!good, Dark!Dumbles. Evil plans are afoot. Child Abuse. Violence. Slash maybe later

I put this up solely because of the twin's name. Larry. Harry and Larry....I'm pissing myself with laughter for some odd reason. Larry…fucking hell, Larry?





Harry's a girl. The Wizarding World turns its back on Harri when Voldemort ties her magic to Lucius and she marries him but Harri is a multi spouse and needs a second husband. Who will she choose? HP,LM,? ......R and R!

.....Do I really need to make sarcastic comments on this one? I think it's pretty obvious where this summary (and story) fucked up.





Forced to portray a boy from age 7 by her aunt and uncle, Harriet Potter became known as Harry Potter.As Harriet a la Harry starts at Hogwarts, she must find out how to battle evil wizards, learn to keep her secret safe...and who to keep it from.

Alright people, what's with the CrossDressing!Harry? Seriously? I'm just waiting for the summaries that have Hermaphrodite!Harry and MuslimExtremistSuicideBomber!Harry.

Can you imagine a MuslimExtremistSuicideBomber!Harry? Like, after OOTP (Cause you would definately need Dumbledore in this one), Harry becomes involved with a group of extremists, studies the Koran, absorbs the "Opression" bullshit, and returns to Hogwarts with seventy kilograms of explosives and a few letters of anthrax? No? Nobody wants to write that?





Anyway, on with the crappy summaries.



Have you ever wondered what would happen if the Marauders read the Harry Potter books? Well in this story you find out what happens when the Marauders plus some unexpected guests read 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban'.

Well, I think that if the Marauder's read the "Harry Potter" books, then they would be wondering "Who the fuck is this Harry guy, why does he have my friends/my last name, and why the fuck am I reading a book, especially since I am portrayed as uber!cool Mauraders....except for Peter, who's a sook."





While wandering the halls of Hogwarts, Severus Snape stumbles upon a student having a mental breakdown in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, inflicting serious wounds upon himself. A boy named Harry Potter.


Snape then proceeds to laugh hysterically and watch while the stupid EmoFuck!Harry kills himself, because Harry really is pathetic, worthless and good for nothing Emo!Fuck.





AU Lily didn't die in the attack but instead four years later. Harry is rescued from the clutches of his aunt by Severus Snape. What happens when he's raised in the magical world by Sirius, Remus, and Sev? What house will he be in? What'll he be like?



What will he be like? Well, since the word "Sev" was used, I think he will be a fudgepacker. Nuff said.



This is who I am Harry has power, he has secrets and he knows what he has to do.


Yes, he does know what to do. So why doesn't he do it then? Stop talking about and do it, Harry. Come on, we're waiting. Do it already. Eh? Eh?




PostVoldemort. Slash. HPDM. A prison is such a strange place for feelings of tenderness to bloom, but love knows no boundaries. Right?


Is it possible to fall in love with the guy who arse-rapes you in the shower?



Alright, that's all for now. God, I love being an arsehole.

P.S- Sorry about the lack of italics...whenever I pushed CTRL-i, a screen with "Page info" comes up. It's Pissing me off...

 

In the war by FedandGorge reviews

This is my 1st fanfic...oneeshot abt ron n hermione...my view how ron tells hermie tht he loves her..Please read n review....Title speaks for itself hehehe... if i don't get reviews i don't think ill publish a next story..i need support.

Complete - Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 219 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 8-13-06 - Published: 8-13-06

---

......Look at the word count as well. That just... wow.

 

... People actually read this shit?

 

...Well, I'm officially confused. And does that mean that one of them is randomly female?

And that tells me... what? Oh, yeah, nothing.

Apparently there'd be money in the summary-writing profession.

 

Nice work Shezza

# Harry finds out that he's the last of an extinct race. One night he accidentally mates with Draco Malfoy.

How the hell is it possible to accidentally mate with Draco Malfoy? Scarily, I can picture it now; Harry is just pumping away at some random girl, he closes his eyes, Draco takes her place. "Oops, wrong hole." Nasty, nasty, nasty. And how the fuck can you be the last of an extinct race?

# Ginny, a 21 wealthy girl is trying to find the perfect person to break her virgintality.

I can only assume virgintality is sort of strange mix between virginity and fatality in which one dies fatally during sex. This is a huge problem for Ginny, as she desperately wants a virgintality but while everybody is willing to kill her, nobody is willing to go to some extreme lengths to actually screw the whore. Also, I'm guessing she is wealthy because people pay her to keep the fuck away, and stop flashing.

# Voldermort left someone he loved in a freezer machine before he started his killing sprees and now she is olny 15.

This is what happens when parents don't explain domestic appliances to their children.

"So, now what, I just stuff the girl in the freezer?"
"No dear, thats for the frozen pea's."


# "I don't know where I belong!" Caleigh shouted exasperatedly. "What?" Draco asked, daring her to go on. "You belong in Slytherin, of course!" She stared at him for a moment, then glanced behind his shoulder, into the Great Hall. "Unless," he continued. "You believe Harry Potter has a much better life to give you." Eyes bulged, Caleigh looked back at the blonde with unimaginable features. He nodded with sinister intentions. "It's true. You are Potter's wench."

ARRRGH! Shiver me timbers, you be Potter's wench! ARRRRGH! You be a traitorous dog! AARRRGH!

Pirates of the Caribbean Hogwarts - Brought to you by fangirls everywhere!


# I *will* update every 15 reveiws. I'm not begging for reviews. I just wanted to let you know that if I don't get around to it I'll update then at the latest, ok? I'm not a d@mn whore!

Course not dearie. I understand perfectly that you find it hard to write out your chapters while being POUNDED BY MAN-WHORES!


# This is a rap that Neville made up for his grandmother

Yo grandma! You is my grandma, 'fo shizzle!
We got it going down! You can call me N-Dawg!

# Skip Chapter 11-12 if you must...(make babies'). Sorry about paragraphing.

That is some awesome subliminal messaging right there.

# Hermione meets Draco while on holidays in Australia. They share a love of horses. -MAY BE SOME SWEARING-

While on holiday, they meet Daniel Radcliffe filming for his new play...

 

Bah... mod mind deleting this one? Mistake on my part.

 

And a personal favourite of mine:

The "dun dun da" did it for me.

 

Hermione Granger's Pain by Virgo girl

I'm Draco and ginny 1092, I forgot my password and have changed my AOL signon name since then

Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 13347 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 8-18-06 - Published: 12-3-05

 

I just got this in from a C2 notice today (after which I promptly ended my membership)

Once we were warriors

AU Hogwarts? No, Harry never went: instead he's a porn star living in the treacherous underground world of orgies and carnage. Meanwhile, the Order's search resumes unfounded ... but not for long.

I don't think I've ever seen a pornstar!harry before, although I don't see much potential.
"The power he knows not is your ability to shoot 6 ropers harry..."
or
Harry then proceeded to take out his wang and duel the dark lord

 

They can actually be quite funny sometimes you know.