A reason for that is given.

Spoiler

Voldemort's POV kind of explains it in one of the later chapters

 

3.5/5 and I will be generous and boost it to a 4.

First off the story's weakness. Bashing Ron Weasley. Not much to say about how bad his characterization is. But there is one thing that I enjoyed about his role in the story. Ron is never torn down to show how awesome Harry is by comparison. He is given a legitimate role in the story and a great deal of the plot and characterizations revolve around Ron's actions. I still despise what the author did to him with little depth to how evil he is being portrayed, but as far as bashing goes this is probably the best job I've ever seen.

To me the strengths of the story outweigh the bad significantly. Both Harry and Veldemort's characterizations are excellent. I love the way Harry evolves from someone who simply bitched about the unfairness in his society to a character who was willing to defy Voldemort and is planning open rebellion.

 

This story would be great if Ron was not in it at all. If you hate him you could have just mentioned he died, or simply pretended he didn't exist. But as it is he keeps on showing up, and every time he shows up its painful. Hes so poorly written in this story, and takes up so much word count, that he brings the whole story down with him. I can't even read it. If he had only shown up once it would be okay, but it just won't stop.
3/5

 

I've read a few chapters of it. I'll finish it since it's able to keep my interest, but it definitely isn't library-worthy.

I actually didn't mind Ron in this one as there was background and a reason given for him to be acting the way he did. That was thought out at least. For me, it's the technical side that really causes problems.

Way too much backstory given in the first few chapters; it feels like info-dump after info-dump. Then we get a little action, just to move to another info dump.

The backstory itself is decent, and an idea of a Wizarding Britain with Voldemort in charge still interacting with the outside world is new (for me, at least). But I can point to dozens of stories in the "almost recommended" thread that have a backstory that's at least okay, and there's less info-dumping to get it across.

3/5. Would be higher if there was more story actually told.

 

I'm confused. Did you read it?

Thanks for all of the feedback (including the negative), everyone, I've been working to improve the story and to make Ron seem like more of a character. Bashing was not the intent. For everyone who is saying how awful Ron is, feel free to stop the the WbA thread and help me out with some constructive criticism. I'll gladly listen.

 

Sorry if my wording was unclear. I did read the story, it was actually on my favorites list for awhile. But every time Ron showed up I got a little more peeved and eventually gave up. I wasn't aware it was on WBA, have you made changes to it? If you have I could read it again, and make suggestions on how to make Ron more tolerable.

 

Not really a fan of these types of stories but I enjoyed it a little bit at the very least. These types of stories always make me doubt Voldemort. I literally want Harry to find out about him being a half-blood scream at him "Have some fucking pride!" - Because honestly? Voldemort is a half-blood himself is he not an overly proud person? Shouldn't he have really been against the purebloods for thinking they were better than him when in his mind he is so obviously much more awesome than they plebians could ever hope to be.

Meh, 3.5 rounded up to 4.

 

I enjoyed it and want to read more. I agree that it is a little early for the library.

Just on what we have so far I give it 3/5 but if it continues at this quality I would up to 4.

 

Writing isn't perfect, still a little too much tell (instead of show), but the plot is solid. In reading it all at once it feels that Ron has less of an overwhelming presence; he may just be the main antagonist in the first arc when it's not realistic for Potter to be fighting Voldemort or more powerful individuals. The most recent fight was good but I didn't feel like it incorporated all the buildup with Potter's power vs. Rosier's skill.

Still, I'm hooked. Would really like to see the story and author continue to develop. 4/5

 

I've done some editing of earlier chapters, including some of the Ron scenes, but it hasn't been overhauled or anything. I'd be glad for any advice you have to offer.

As for the show vs. tell, I'm working on that.
Thanks again and hopefully I'll have an update for you all soon.

 

I cannot get over how much of a normal human being Voldemort is in this story. I mean actually interacting with other people without throwing out a crucio? Seeing events from his perspective with him being imperfect but not retarded at the same time? What is this?!

 

The bump got me interested so I decided to give the story a try. Started off strong with an interesting premise but quickly fell off, from guilty pleasure to a chore. Voldemort winning the war is always an interesting idea to me. Seeing the various changes play out and watching a familiar world change can be a great basis. I think Owl took it a bit too far though. Teachers torturing students in the school is one thing, but them letting certain students gang up on them is just ridiculous. The pureblood's being able to do whatever they want just went too far in the story. Having a teacher use a student as target practice for detention is just too much. Snape watching students gang-up on Harry and his friends in front of the other schools was too much. Karkoff and Maxine are supposed to be present and they let it slide like they don't exist, which they basically didn't in the story.

That brings me to my other big issue which is the characters. They all felt two dimensional at best and caricatures at worst. Harry is either angst or a sudden rage monster, who also becomes more bad-ass the angrier he gets. Hermione was just there to be smart and remind them not to break the rules, though the one potential subplot she had to change that didn't finish. Ron was just Malfoy part 2, with extra dashes of torture and a mildly rapey vibe. Snape was just a dick. Seamus and Dean were standard comic relief/filler so Harry had a crew. The other champions were just a mold of common tropes. Krump strong and angry I vill vin and beat you Harry Evans you are child muwhahaha. Rosier was like every other bad pureblood, but he's strong or something. Fluer was just there to create some light sexual tension and make jokes with Harry when appropriate. The biggest issue was Voldemort though. He read more like a cartoon villain who got really angry when he didn't get his way or someone didn't respect his authoritah. The moments when he should have felt dangerous and intimidating came off like every other evil pureblood with an extra dash of you should fear me but if you don't I'll defintely tell you to though.

Plot was eh though. Challenges tried to be original so that was pretty cool. Grammar was off though so it kept bringing me out of moments I really wanted to enjoy.

Overall I give it a 2/5 because I like the premise and it filled the void that Prince of the Dark Kingdom left inside my heart for five minutes.