I'm English and it sounds like that to me too. Unless "blown up" is followed by "like a balloon" or some variation of that, then I think explosion. Especially when, I think, Harry says something like "I blew up my Aunt Marge" which just sounds like murder.

 

Interpreting it that way makes Harry's meeting with the Minister so much better. "No that's quite alright Harry, everyone loses their temper once in a while."

 

"And here are some tea and crumpets, just in case all that butchering made you hungry."

 

That line is extremely quoteable. :awesome

Also, does anyone tend to confuse DC with Sesc? Dose avatars.

 

Is anybody not going to say, "You wish, DC"?

 

You wish, DC.

 

Thank you.

 

Portkeys.

Yes, we read about them being made from tin cans and old tires or what-have-you. They were made from trash in book 4 because the Ministry didn't want Muggles accidentally picking them up.

That, however, doesn't mean every Portkey must be, or was made from trash. If someone's holding a backpack. It can be a Portkey. Have an extra book? Voila! A Portkey.

I hate reading about wizards looking for trash to make a Portkey when plenty of things in their vicinity would work just as well. (As JKR did with a small, silver-backed hairbrush).

 

I don't think I've ever read a story where someone went out of their way to look for unassuming garbage just to make a portkey.

 

No, it's more the cliche that a Portkey MUST be a piece of trash or unwanted item.

 

I've honestly never seen this one before. Does it happen enough to qualify as a cliche?

 

It seems to happen a lot. Not necessarily the 'looking for trash' part, but the portkey actually being a piece of junk.


The portkey that lead to the World Cup was an old boot, specifically because it had been left out on some random hilltop, and wizards were hoping that if muggles saw it and assumed it was a filthy piece of old rubbish they would A: leave it alone and B: not realize, 'This exotic object must be magical! I'm going to tell everyone about this magic artifact, thereby bringing about the apocalyptic muggle vs wizard war, as foretold in the DLP Bible, 2:13, Shitstorm of Revelations.'

There was also an "old kettle lying innocently on [the] desk" in OoTP, presumably because Dumbledore didn't want Umbridge paying it any mind if she managed to barge into his office, before Harry and the Weasleys could use it to go to Grimmauld Place (though, obviously, if he didn't care about looking suspicious, he could have easily barred her entry completely).

Additionally, there was the "golden wizardʹs head" from the atrium statue, after the fight at the DoM, but that was just because it was a loose object that was close at hand: Its being junk was coincidental.

Then, there's this comment in HBP, "You are thinking of Portkeys, Harry, which must be ordinary objects, easy to overlook." This was because Harry was trying to figure out what the horcruxes might be, thinking they could be "anything", and Albus pointed out that Tom wouldn't make one out of any old shit. I think some people have really taken to heart the "must be" in that line. Really, though, that's only if you're going to be waving the object about in front of muggles, or leaving it somewhere a muggle might have access to it (or hoping your enemies won't spot it on you and take it away).

In that case, sure, it's better if the portkey looks like a moldy boot or a discarded condom, since most people are unlikely to voluntarily touch such things... unless they're a freak, someone performing community service, or the average toddler ('Goddammit, don't touch that! NO, for god's sake, don't put it in your mouth!'). There's no reason why you can't turn your wallet or your coat into a portkey, as long as you're going with it... or don't mind being parted from your wallet or coat.

You could turn your great grandmother's prized Fabergé egg into a portkey, as long as you don't leave it lying around where a muggle will spot it and think, 'Free Fabergé egg!'

The cup at the end of the maze wasn't trash, and was specifically chosen because Harry (if everything went according to Voldemort's ridiculously baroque plan) was going to touch it.

The portkeys employed during the escape from Privet Drive in DH are a mixed bag. Harry's destination was someone's house, specifically Andromeda and Ted's. Ted pointed out the aforementioned "silver-backed brush" portkey to Harry. Either the brush wasn't Andromeda's, and was arranged by an Order member, earlier (chosen because it wouldn't look out of place on a pureblood's vanity), or it was Andromeda's and she thought she'd get it back (or she wasn't as hurt by lack of Black family inheritance as so very many fan fics would have us believe, and didn't give a shit about losing an expensive brush).

Ron and Tonks were supposed to arrive at the Burrow via a "rusty oil can", while an "ancient sneaker" was to be Fred and Arthur's portkey. Hermione and Kingsley had a "bent coat hanger" (clear foreshadowing that she may follow Molly's fate, if she remained on her current path).

I'm assuming that everyone was portkeying from random locations across the countryside, with Harry being the only one to go to an actual house before he continued to the Burrow, thus it makes sense that their portkeys would all be uninteresting junk, so as not to attract muggle interest.

It wouldn't do to have a confused John Bull Muggle show up at the Burrow with a Fabergé egg in his hand, while Hermione and Kingsley are in the Malfoy dungeons, wishing their portkey hadn't been so temptingly shiny, valuable, and well-known.

Despite the evidence that portkeys are only trash when the situation necessitates it, fanfic authors are constantly laboring under the delusion that they are always trash, and having Dumbledore whip out a limp, dirty, worn, old sock/cock-cozy and asking Harry to grab it, thus fulfilling three of the many apparent obligations of misguided fic authors: Make all portkeys trash, always reference Dumbledore's alleged sock fetish, and unwittingly create a subtext that implies Harry is one bad day away from being molested by the headmaster of his school.

The second most common portkey item in fan fic? Rope: For when you need to transport many people at once. This is very practical, makes complete sense, and I have zero problems with it.

 

Something that really bugs me nowadays is when all fanfic (read Severitus) authors try to put the hidden message spin on Snape's first three questions to Harry. Sure, it may make sense to a rabid reader how he 'bitterly regrets Lily's death', but Harry's fucking 11. I do not fucking know how an eleven year old would know the hidden language of plants! I'd rather chop my prepubescent dick off then read a book that told me about flowers and their secret meanings at that age.

Is it so hard to accept that Snape was being an asshole?

 

You know the two aren't exactly mutually exclusive; he could be saying he regrets Lily's death while still being an asshole about it.

In fact, I'd say that's pretty in character for him.

 

Pretty sure I know what fic your talking about. Harry thought there was something more to the questions and no one else believed him. He works out it says Snape is sorry Lily's death then asks a question about plants the next lesson that translates to thank you.


Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........

Ok.

 

That sounds incredibly stupid.

And utterly gay.

Concerning Snape in fanfics, I'm not sure which is worse though:

1) Fics where Snape is redeemed right from the start and he becomes a mentor to Harry; these are usually Slytherin!Harry fics. Not saying all are bad, but most of them are, as is usually the case with most things.

2) Fics where Snape's asshole tendencies are amped up to 11 and he all but rapes Harry and his friends in the ass, while Dumbledore laughs jovially from the sides, stroking his beard, occasionally saying "Severus has my utmost trust" whenever someone brings a complaint against him.

3) Fics which are happening in the Marauder-Era and are trying to put their own angle on what really happened, whereas Snape is the blameless victim and James is all but using love potions to charm Lily.

 

I'd say it's worse when he's down right evil. Because it almost always coincides with evil Dumbledore. At least if he's redeemed you have a CHANCE of Dumbledore being in character (maybe).

It's best when he's just bitter and unpleasant though. In canon, apart from the shit he gets in class, Snape doesn't REALLY do that much to Harry. I can't think of many detentions actually assigned by him, and he rarely harasses him in the halls, and if he does, it's not too bad.

I'm ok with him being slightly redeemed towards the end, but not excusing all his behaviour because "Oh I did it because I love Lily" -what. It's best if he stays bitter, but also does what he has to to ensure Voldemort's downfall. Not necessarily in the nicest way, but that's his goal. For revenge.

Regarding Snape being a blameless victim, yeah I've seen this a bit, but more to the translation that James and co. were bullies for no reason to Snape. Yeah they were mean to him, but I REALLY doubt it was completely undeserved, Snape is a git. These fics also tend to portray Snape and Lily's relationship as more than just friends, they WERE friends...but that's all if I recall correctly.

And no, she didn't completely forgive him and write a letter left in the Potter vaults/home to him in case of her death.


PS. Am I the only one who thinks Pre-Hogwarts-Era (and frankly Post-Hogwarts too, especially if it's not the immediate future) is actually really lame. I can't bring myself to bother with those type of fics, I guess I'm just not interested in a Harry Potter story not featuring Harry Potter as the main character...or you know, at all.

 

From what little I can recall from an interview with Rowling, she said that Lily might have loved him, might have had some feelings for him as more than just a friend, if he only didn't love the Dark Arts as much as he did. Key word being might. There was no guaranteed Snape/Lily shit and every day I am thankful for that.

Forgot about that one completely. There's also the retarded shit like somehow James and Lily writing in their wills that Snape is to be Harry's guardian. I mean, as far as most people knew at the time of the war, except for Dumbledore, Snape was still a Death Eater completely loyal to Voldemort. Who the fuck would entrust their child to a Death Eater, ex-friend or no?

NO!

No matter what you're asking about, you are never the only one.

Sorry about that.

 

I must say I really get annoyed when I read,

FLASHBACK BEGINS

stuff

FLASHBACK OVER.

It's like something you'd read in a script, not a book. If you want to do a flash back either use italics, of even better, give NO sign at all it's a flashback (apart from obviously you know, being a flashback), until the end of it, which makes the reader go "OOOOOH".

Chapter 1 of The Legacy does that REALLY well.

 

And let's not forget, at the beginning of every damn story.
"Normal speech."
Thinking
~/Parseltongue/~
Spells

Why?