What do you mean by "proper werewolf". Get into awesome wolf fights and stuff? give in to the beast instead of fighting against it?

Honestly I think that would make for a boring story for me.

 

It's not even like Fenrir was particularly dominant. He was basically Voldemort's pet dog by the end. Emasculated several times in the presence of Death Eaters who treated and perceived him as nothing more than a rabid animal. Which, to be fair, he pretty much was.

 

Isn't that basically canon? I mean, he was one of the better DaDA professors they had, and he had to cloister himself away during the Full Moon.

 

I may have allowed fanon to enhance my view of Greyback...

Still think Remus should be more werewolfy though.

 

Nothing bad ever happens, with the exception of Sirius almost getting Snape eaten when they were younger, and obviously the PoA storyline. Lots of potential for a tragic plot divergence -- especially if Ron was the one turned into a werewolf or eaten.

 

Now someone needs to write a Werewolf!Ron.

...Don, you busy?

 

I know of one story that has a werewolf Ron, the Psychic Serpent series by Barb.

 

"Harry----" Ron growled, fighting futilely against the transformation. "It's happening!"

Harry's eyes bulged. They were too far from the Shrieking Shack. It wouldn't be long before a ravenous beast was all that stood between him and retreat to safety. If worst came to worst, Harry could try changing into an Animagus, but he wasn't sure his werewolf best friend would see a raven as a less intriguing option for dinner.

Harry filled the frantic silence with patient words that betrayed his swift strides. "Hermione said a good, well-balanced diet of green vegetables would help you conquer your inner beast--"

"But," Ron gasped, his hands coming up to grab Harry before the smaller boy shot him a dark look. Recoiling, Ron whined piteously, "I'm so hungry!"

 

*tips a hat to Don*

Thank you. A delicious little snack.

 

I laughed heartily.

 

~After some interesting activities as Death Eaters at approximately dusk~

Lucius suggests "Hey Severus, why don't you join me and some of the other men back at my place for some drinks? Narcissa acquired some 2,000 year old wine from Greece and I want to drink it. All of it."

Snape thinks, he'd rather drink alone, but screw it why not? "I take it she won't be drinking with us, what with a heir in the oven?"

"Unfortunately she will be. We haven't had much time or luck what with the war. Now come one."

~several hours later~

*Narcissa passed out, carried up to the room by House Elves*

Severus "Tha wassssome pretty go'hic'OOood stuff. Tas-tazed-TASTE!!tastededid a bit like Jik dun...yuls"

Lucius "Wuzzat?"

Severus "Muggle Wiz-"

"phbbhth fuck muggs piss ale"

"Nno whisss heh key. Whiskey. Amuh...Amuh....fucking Colonial Whiskey"

Lucius "I had a squib ancestor who fought in that war. waite. whiskey dudn't taste like wine. Does it? I wan sum. Dob-"

"Wait. Waaaaaiit"

"Wut?"

"Lezzzz go to muggle bars and getsss some. And fuck with stuuupid arse muggles"

Lucius thinks. Thinks for a whole five minutes before a thought appears through the haze of booze.

"Fuckin brilliant idea"

~Later, near a college campus, after several bars and acquiring a blood alcohol level of 1%. Not .1%. But 1%. Of their blood. Is now alcohol. Fucking Wizards man~

"How in the ruddy hell did that long haired, blonde ponce pull THAT one off? Bouncing a dart off two walls, the ceiling and then Jimmie's head to get YET ANOTHER bullseye?! Bloody cheater, I'm going to show im what for"

"Look, this is our second date, don't ruin by starting a fight with some show off."

"Sod off woman, you aren't my wife" Walks off...

"With that attitude I never will be. And now I shall drink your beer too. Fat arse"

Severus slumps down next to a thin, sexy, lithe figure of a tall woman with a seductresses voice and an odd familiarity.

"How ya doin sexy, blondie's muh friend but nuff bow him. Imma...uhhhChemical...."

"Chemical? Chemical what?

"Injjjj...injjj A nuuuurrr"

"Chemical Engineer. Really. What are you doing here?"

~Later, after Severus and Lucius split, Lucius having ballerina'd over some fat arses face. Literally. And after Severus had pity taken upon him by that awesome 11/10 piece of sex on feet. So it seemed.~

Severus wakes up, falls out of bed, stands up, face plants directly on his face. Lays there for a minute before making another attempt at this thing called moving on feet. Walking. Yeah. Its called Walking. And he notices the smell of sex, and the faint hint of some sort of breakfast. He looks at the clock, sees a note written.

"Got up after that odd but very enjoyable night. Don't think I didn't notice you waving that stick about, that wand. I made breakfast, tried to get you up, but you were out, so I covered it up, called a cab, and have left a number to contact me beside the stove. Never thought I'd see you again after all these years, but you were surprisingly gentlemanly and I was drunk enough to hear you out. I'm calling the engagement off with that fat arse to think things through"

Severus reads the rest of the note, and remembers clearly for the first time in 12 hours.

"Well I've banged worse. Hopefully those infertility potions I take work"

~5 months later~

Lucius Malfoy, and three other rich Purebloods are temporarily chilling at the slum that Snape calls home. Partially because the Dark Lord order his group to stay together in preparation for something or other, and partially to get away from there crazy ass wives whose magic and pregnancy hormones are feeding off each other.

BANGBANGBANG on the Door.

Goyle "Hey Snape, who the fuck wants to talk to you?"

"No idea, keep looking for the Parsley and Boomslang skin."

Goes to answer it. Opens door....

"Bout time you were home YOU BLOODY GREASE BALL GIT." Wack with a purse "What have you been avoiding me for? Afraid to own up to YOUR OWN DOINGS!?" Wack "I can't believe my sister ever fancied you bloody-"

"Oh damn. You're pregnant." Slams door. Opens door a crack "Wait a moment" At this point, all of his fellow Death Eaters have arrived in the living room, and Lucius's eyes bulge open in recognition.

Crabbe "Snape who was that woman and what-"

"Shut up. Member what you asked what I wanted in exchange for letting you escape your wives? Now. Listen, I'll need your help and-" A quick and hurried conversation occurs, Lucius has a private legilimency conversation with Severus, both knowing his soon to be position as a spy, and Lucius hurries away to have a talk with the Dark Lord about....effective cover.

"SEVERUS SNAPE, GET YOUR BONEY ARSE OUT-"

Opens door, summons the crazy loud and attention grabbing pregnant woman

"Petunia, I'll put a ring on that finger if you will just Shut.Up."

~very few years later~

"Albus....are you sure about this Blood Ward thing?"

EDIT:Apologies for utterly terrible excuse of a oneshot fanfic. My first. Wow reading that is hard. If only I could translate these scene ideas into text as well as I could imagine them. Especially Drunk Lucius and Severus fucking about in a dozen different Muggle Bars, leaving a trail of damage for the Obliviators to fix behind them. Petunia was supposed to be drunk too but whatever.

 

I got caught up on the 2,000 year old wine from Greece, and didn't read anything after that.

 

I got half-way through before I realized it wasn't a joke or parody.

 

He kinda did. Instead of sending successively stronger mooks after the boy, and only after he has fully matured into a powerful warrior, he just went there to kill him as a baby.

Horcruxes? Redundant phylacteries. He even placed one within a bank vault, exactly as the Overlord lists advises you to do so.

etc etc.

Voldemort followed quite a lot of the Evil Overlord list. But it was no match for Deus Ex Machina/Asspul after Asspull.
http://www.allaboutgreekwine.com/history.htm

---------- Post automerged at 11:39 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:37 PM ----------

You do realize Greece was making wine when Rome was just a collection of mudhuts, and before Latin was even vaguely recognizable as a language, right?

As in, I could have said 4,000 year old Greek wine. No difference.

It is a slight joke. Snape hooks up with Petunia. The original idea was that nobody finds out until Dumbledore arrives to drop baby Harry off at Petunia's doorstep and encounters Severus Snape.

Cue McGonagall fainting on the spot.

 

The oneshot probably shouldn't have been posted here, to begin with.

For the wine though: it wasn't about the fact that the Greeks made wine that long ago, it was just the idea of there being a 2,000 year old bottle of wine. Wine degrades, and I know you can apply canon-universe laws to it (preservation charms, what have you), but it was such a stupid thing to include (you could've just said "my wife found a good vintage, let's pop it open), that I stopped.

Mind you, after reading what you actually did write, I was much happier having stopped because of a nitpick involving wine.

 

I figured it went here after reading the thread. Guess it should have just been a general outline of the idea.

Or, as a gloriously supremely evil asshole, he stuns the Potter's, kidnaps the whole family, then does the same to the Longbottom's.

Then he places each family in a prison, separating the husbands physically with two way mirrors so the fathers can watch and listen but not move or interfere. Basically mother and child alone in a room.

He then gives the mothers large, sharp knives. And nothing else. And tells them this. That neither they nor their children shall be fed until one of them dies. Or until their husbands commit suicide out of view.

Except he lies of course, and the whole families starve to death in stark terror. Prophecy Broken.

Or he just marches in there with Dementors in tow, stuns the families, and has Dementors finish them off, never uttering a single worse or offering a single word of mercy. Prophecy Broken. Move on....

 

Except the Dementor morphs into a combination of Harry/Scarcrux with the ability to replicate itself just by making people feel bad (which, admittedly, could be something Harry would struggle with) and, as far as we know, invicibility to most known magic.

#Voldemortyousofucked

 

:facepalm

You just gotta be fucking with me.
_______________________________________

As Voldemort was getting ready to walk up the road to Hogwarts, letting acquaintances enjoy some drinks at Hogshead, there comes a great thunder. As Voldemort makes it to the exit, hand on the handle, the door, and the frame, are completely blown away by a monstrous wind that carries with it words, and a parchment.

"YOUR APPLICATION IS ACCEPTED. SIGN HERE"
Thunderstruck, Voldemort signs the flappy paper, and takes his new job, and in an instant, he recalls the full text.
And sighs. And then goes along with it.

 

As for my pet peeve - wait, this isn't the pet peeves threat? The latest content is shitty as if it was.

Xandrel, there's some shitty stuff going on in your thread. Could you fix it?

Or, let's just get back to werewolf Ron.

 

So wait, are you suggesting that Dumbledore accepted Tom's Defence Professorship application, or what? That could be an interesting bunny, but otherwise I have no idea what you're on about.