It pretends to be terrible so well that it was actually terrible.

 

What he is trying to say is that, he can write a much better story with a similar plot. Right Don?

 

I read this a few days ago and honestly didn't find many redeeming qualities, not even the ending.

First off it's 18k words when the whole thing could've been fit into 5k words, at most. It's pretty much Astoria running around demanding Harry ask Daphne out.

Then there's Astoria's backstory, it seems as though everyone is just accepting this random witch who transferred into Hogwarts in her fourth year, even though her sister had attended Hogwarts since first year. For me this was the big one; it's almost as though everyone is just ignoring the fact that nothing about this girl seems to make sense.

Then there's the ending. I don't like that sort of thing, so I guess that's just personal opinion.

If the author had contained this story to 3-4k I'd give it a 2.5/5 but since it's 18k I'll give it a 1/5. To each his own though.

 

It goes without saying, brah. I'll show you:

In my version of events, Harry would fall for Daphne, thus rendering Astoria's ridiculous attempts to get them together unnecessary. Things would go well for a while, but Astoria would find herself more and more alone, as her sister/mother sneaks off to fuck her father/friend. Eventually, she stumbles across one of their attempts to make love and watches them with an envious expression, all the time imagining herself in her sister's position. Hating herself for the thought, she resolves to stay away from Harry, who has been seeking her out more and more. After all, something is up with Astoria; the mystery behind her origins plague him, and Daphne gets in a snit about it.

"Go ask her yourself if you must," she said, "but leave me out of it."

As it turns out, Daphne doesn't remember much about her sister and is actually quite afraid of what Astoria may reveal to Harry. Having had quite a good relationship with her father in the past, Astoria opens up about the difficulties of 'leading a new life' and 'makes new friends'. Harry feels a kinship with her, as she tries so hard to please everyone (especially her sister) and no one else seems to notice.

He asks her to join him for breakfast, and she decides to join him; Daphne takes notice, and it does indeed make her jealous. When confronted on the matter, Astoria laughs off Daphne's anger and tells her that feelings for Harry are 'impossible'; Daphne refuses to believe her.

Hermione thinks she's doing the right thing by persuading Astoria to declare her feelings for Harry, and she says something along the lines of, "Everyone you know is far away. What will telling the truth change?"

As she ponders this, Harry begins to seek her out and Daphne and Harry's relationship crumbles completely. Astoria, who had been avoiding Harry, finally allows him to have a conversation with her; she's angry that he gave up on her sister, and he explains that he gave it his all, but it was Daphne who made the decision, and he stands by it, knowing that they weren't meant for each other.

Astoria's heart-broken, realizing that she made her parents break up by bringing them together early. Weeks past, and she completely gives up on matching them up. Harry is smitten with her, though too afraid to tell her so close to rejecting her sister. Daphne moves on easily enough, however, keeping a friendly but cool relationship with her oddly-eyed mystery sister.

Astoria and Harry become good friends, spending time in the Room of Requirement alone, and sporadic rumors drive Daphne to cutting off all ties with her sister and with Harry. Yet Astoria begins to panic; she assumes that, without her mother and father coming together, she won't be born. Matters are made worse by the fact that Daphne was pregnant with her by the time she finished Hogwarts, which means time is running thin. Growing desperate, she eventually decides that she'll have to handle things herself. She plans to force Daphne by Imperius to at least have sex with Harry so that she can be conceived, but when she does, Harry sees through her lie and correctly assumes that Astoria is behind it. However, infatuated as he is with the youngest Greengrass, he can't turn her in and he doesn't tell his friends about the situation.

Astoria's plan fails; Daphne won't even look at her and she hasn't seen Harry. Her birthday is coming up, and she's too ashamed of herself to make another attempt at subterfuge. She's destined to die long before she can make a difference. Without her mother's magic, there is no way that she can influence the war and stop it before the wizarding world gets in over its head. She decides to spend her last night on Earth alone, crying, but Harry finds her with the Marauder's Map. He explains that Astoria has changed his life, coercing her into a brief, passionate kiss, and she gives in to every wonton urge because, Hell, she's going down anyway.

As it turns out, the cycle is unbroken; she doesn't understand how it could have happened, buit she's still alive. Unfortunately, Daphne is found tragically dead with no explanation as to how. Only Astoria knows the truth; that she had taken the place of her mother and Daphne, presumably, has taken up residence in her womb.

It's Harry's idea to name the child after Astoria's sister, and with tears in her eyes (mistaken for joyful), she nods. End of story.

 

...zzzzzzz

 

This was recommended in version VI of this thread, but just wanted to point out that the author is writing again and posted 2 chapters in the past week.

Blood Crest

I like the authors take on necromancy so far and that the author isn't having his dark wizard OC brush Voldemort off. I hate when authors treat Voldemort like he's someone to be ignored or belittled.

 

This fic caught my interest the other day. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10874333/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Refiner-of-Reality It seems to have it's own rather original plot and tries to emulate the style used in the books a little, though for that reason the first chapter seems to rehash what we already know from canon, like it does at the start of the books. Still after that it goes it's own way. It's currently still the summer with 25k words but it's eventful so I wouldn't say it's really dragging just yet.

 

Thanks for the rec. it seemed like the thread was being de-railed again so it's nice to get back on track. But from now on would you mind including a title/summary and maybe a few reasons for us to read? I know it's easy for us to do this on our own, but right now there is no reason for us to read.

 

Oh, Sorry.
It's called Harry Potter and the Refiner of Reality

By: wlfstar
Summary: Harry Potter is set for his fourth year at Hogwarts, but before he can even do that, the Quidditch World Cup Final is cancelled due to wizarding attacks in Britain, Harry is having strange nightmares, Hogwarts is getting ready for its decadal Inspection from the Ministry, Harry is visited by creatures of the night, and he is transported into the hands of the Dark Lord himself...
No pairings so far.
It's hard to really describe what it's about but it's apparently planned to have an AU year 4 without the triwizarding tournament. It's still on the summer so far but I've found it quite engaging.

 

The Hogwarts Strike Team by Myricle
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10807718/1/The-Hogwarts-Strike-Team
Summary: An older and more experienced Harry and Hermione return to their first year at Hogwarts. Their goals? Assassinate Death Eaters, destroy Horcruxes, and deal with Voldemort's hidden contingency plan... by any means necessary. And maybe they'll fix a few other things along the way.
Rated: Fiction T - English - Adventure - Harry P., Hermione G. - Chapters: 10 - Words: 103,871 - Reviews: 281 - Favs: 589 - Follows: 953 - Updated: Jan 5 - Published: Nov 6, 2014 - id: 10807718

Pros: It's a lengthy, currently updating time travel story that contains no bashing or excessive cliches (Harry and Hermione are not trying to avoid major changes to the timeline to "preserve their foreknowledge"). It contains a unique reason for traveling back in time- the problem they are facing legitimately requires them to go back in time to attempt to fix it; I personally love the fact that there's a reason beyond "save the people who died in the war".

Cons: The only problems Harry and Hermione are really facing thus far are a result of their own impatience, which is not really given a solid justification in-story, although it's implied that it's a side-effect of them being in their 11/12 year old bodies. Harry is likewise more stubborn that I'd expect, although it could be argued that this isn't necessarily out of character for him.

Other information: Appears to slowly be developing into a Harry/Hermione romance and both are considered magical "prodigies" due to the fact that they retained their skills from before the time travel. They were mistaken for a couple in their first year and went along with it as it gave them an excuse to spend as much time together by themselves as they did.

Additionally, the ultimately reason behind Voldemort's "contingency" plan is still a mystery, hopefully one that will be solved as the story develops.

Overall, certainly recommended if you're a fan of time travel stories like I am; the characters are all intelligently written and the story so far has pacing similar to the Harry Potter series itself.

 

I am following this story as well, and it indeed is a reasonably well written timetravel plot, which actually avoids the usual canon rehash. Even though Harry and Hermione are quite ruthless it's balanced and doesn't turn into the cliché-ridden indy!Harry either.

The interaction at school reminds me of S'Tarkan's 'Nightmare of Future's Past', but this one isn't as long winded and rolls up the events quite nicely.

So, yeah, I think it's worth the library.

 

Been reading it. The writing is amateurish and there's absolutely no tension whatsoever.


Also Hermione is portrayed as being significantly more competent than Harry and while I have a much larger tolerance to that than most folks here it's just grating and annoying here. Also the "child prodigy" plotline is completely overdone and badly done at that.


A 2.5/5 for me at most, but others may like it well enough.

 

It seems to have just gone full AU, actually.

Spoiler

In the latest chapter, Harry revealed to Hermione/Ron that he was a Parselmouth - not in second year. I'm going to wait a bit before setting a number on it, because it looks like we might go full indie Harry, with Hermione and Ron leaving him because of the Dark Wizard talent.

 

I tenatively second that rec, but Dumbledore standing around talking instead of killing death eaters at the end of the hospital attack was stupid.

 

A Quiet Song of Magic is a very interesting time-travel fic. The characterizations are really, really good, the pace is quick (maybe even a little too fast), and magic is explored in interesting ways that occasionally seems to flirt with cliche-land but manages to avoid too many pitfalls.

I'd probably put this in For Review, but there's implied slash in the future (though none at present).

 

Did you read the sequels? I liked the first part, but I think the chapters in the sequels are a bit too confusing and short. I mean 60 word chapters... just doesn't seem worth calling a chapter, really.
But the first part is definitely worth reading and I still have hopes that the rest will turn out ok.

 

Yeah, the sequels probably should have been lumped together or been turned into exposition backstory in the main sequel - but they're worth reading.

 

What is Ginny's role in the story? The latest story is marked Harry/Tom/Ginny.

 

Hogwart's Strike Team (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10807718/1/The-Hogwarts-Strike-Team) updated, for anyone that's also following that.

Loved the title drop in this chapter, and the ending definitely hinted at new conflicts and challenges outside of their control for Harry & Hermione to deal with.

 

This is actually something fanfiction indoctrinates in people. Chapter lengths can be anything. Anything. If it fits the narrative or adds some aestheticism to the book, it's fine. I guess that's because of the episodic manner of fanfiction updates.