This felt like way too much. He has gone back in time several times, but doesn't seem to remember. There are all these new powerful families under which Potter is now in charge, or will be soon. He is some God of death or something? Everything is thrown in so quickly or out of nowhere that if I wanted to even attempt to understand everything the author was trying to put it, I had to read the chapter introductions several times, plus reread several of the sections after reading future chapters. And then, even then, I can't tell where it all started. Was the HP canon the first run through of time? Was it the one right before this run-through? It's just too much.

 

Heh, any fic that needs 2000 words worth of author notes explaining what the fuck is going on, after which you still have no clue, has some MAJOR problems with the plot flow.

 

Read what was written a while ago, they'd just gotten to Christmas break I think...

Found the idea interesting -- though the concept was old -- but many things poorly explained or unclear.

The writer needs to proofread their chapters a bit more before posting them and it's quality will improve dramatically.

 

I really like this fic. IMO, the pureblood culture and customs are excellently done. The idea of this arcane society where what you wear is an indication of what your marital status is (betrothed/looking for a wife/etc) is very interesting to me.

Honestly speaking, the culture in this story is what i'm eventually aiming for in Chimera. I really love this fic.

One thing irritated me though: The Borgia thing. I REALLY wanted that in my fic, and when i started writing the fic in January or something, i had the Borgia family as Lily's heritage. Then, i came across this fic, and i felt like shit...i so badly wanted to use that plot device. *weeps* You know how awesome it would be to emphasize the cutthroat politics and stuff in Chimera? DAMMIT! I wrote it out, then...didn't want to rip it off. So i made up the Crowen family, and made them a minor pureblood family. Fuck.

Narcissa1 did it nicely, though, so i guess i can't really be bitter about it, although i am.

*Weeps*

 

well in Count of Monte Cristo, the Borgia kills off Spada, a pureblood roman nobility family, another lost line that could have been used

 

Yes i agree with you Yarrgh i like how he has set up the pureblood culture and what not but somethings are old and been used so many times that i tend to lose what ever viger i had going into reading the fic.

Still it is an all right time travel fic with a good independently powerful Harry, though the consepts of God's or the powerful 4 or whatever is slightly disturbing.

 

This had been updated and it's a great story, I can even get over the wand and fucked up formating.

Great HP/BB

I would reccomend it to everyone 4.5/5

 

I love this fic but She needs to update more often the only Harry/Bella I like that isnt smut or harem.

My only real complaint is grammer and its a bit confusing at Times.

 

It's nice that the author updated and all but did the pranking seem to just pointless filler or is it just me?

 

Is it just me or has the plot in this story not really gone anywhere with the past few updates?

I was starting to like the development of H/B but she hasn't even made an appearance in forever...

On the other hand, the chapters are so short that it's not like I'm investing a lot of time by continuing to follow the story.

 

I completely agree, except for the last line. Come on, mate, that's garbage. These updates might be pointless, but at least they're short. If they were 10,000 words of filler, then I'd agree, but since they're just 3-4000 words long, it's a waste of maybe 15 minutes :/

 

Um, you did notice that I said "it's not like I'm investing a lot of time..."

 

...actually I didn't o_o

Sorry about that >_<

 

Yeah, the English is really, REALLY bad. Maybe I'm anal, but it's actually difficult to read.

 

It's a bit confusing sometimes, and there's a lot going on in the story. I found myself surprised at my acceptance of the pairing (not a big fan of H/B), but I think its becasue it really works for the story. A bad thing about it is it moves slow...

 

This has been updated.

 

6/10 for this story. Interesting premise. But, unfortunately, I am a perfectionist when it comes to fanfics. There are too many grammatical errors in it for me to continue reading.

 

Too many spelling, grammar, and punctiuation errors. Diction and syntax need some serious review as well. -1

Too little conflict. I'm sorry, but I simply CANNOT read conflict into "Oh noez, j00 now have t3h beautiful wiminz fawning for you!" If I keep reading, will I get to see Harry lament that he only has fifty-million galleons, instead of the fifty-one million he throught he had? Also, any conflcit thrown in Harry's direction is solved too quickly and easily. -1

CLICHES! Harry is a pheonix animagus who uses an uber-wand, and makes Albus Dumbledore virtually piss himself with his little power-displays.
Of course, Lily isn't actually a muggle-born, but the daughter of the right-hand-man of Grindelwald. -1

Innocent-Angel Bellatrix Black. What a crock of shit. -1

1/5

 

Badly written with a ridiculous number of cliches. I give it a 1/5, at best.

 

There are several things I can't stand about this fic.
1. The Borgia. Why in the name of Merlin would you give Harry Potter foreknowledge, leave him his full power, AND make him heir to the Wizard Mafia? The only thing worse than a Sue-per Family is an author-created Sue-per Family.
2. Thanatos. Frankly, I thought Harry was tripping balls when that plot element was introduced.
3. The alleged previous time-travel attempts. Shouldn't that have been explained in, y'know, the STORY instead of a [stream of obscenities goes here] author's note!?
4. Everything Rin said.

1/5, but only because 0 is reserved for slash.