Where everyone and their dogs know who Narutos parents are, and they are just "humoring" the boy by not telling him, expecting him to figure it out. I mean why...

 

It is canon that those who were in the top brass so to speak knew who Naruto's parents were. It is also canon that in order to protect the village they were not supposed to speak of it.

My biggest peeve is when Naruto or 'somebody' looks at the 4th's face and goes oh yeah I know who Naruto's father is.

 

That's given that the top brass knows. My problem is when EVERYBODY and their dogs know it. Like Teuchi casually mentioning it to Kakashi or something like that,

 

I know that in canon they don't know but that's just due to the collective stupidity of the villagers. It's not really a huge leap in logic to connect Naruto to the guy he looks exactly like and the woman he acts exactly like and shares a surname with and who was 9 months pregnant when she died.

Spoiler

I don't think Kishimoto planned on making Naruto the son of the yondaime and kushina when he started writing Naruto. The guy admitted to making Sakura and Sasuke up on the fly right just before he started writing, so it wouldn't be out of character for him. By making them his parents he made the entire village of Konoha hold an idiot ball and he made Kakashi and Jiraiya look like neglectful bastards.

-------------------------------------
-.~-.~.-.~-.~.-.~-.~.-.~-.~.-
------------------------------------

- Fics that have Naruto as Hokage but still have him as an overly hyper idiot. This was my biggest problem with the manga acutally. Naruto, throughout the majority of the manga, was not fit to become hokage. He was way too immature. 99% of the job is doing paperwork and attending meetings, pre-epilogue!Naruto would rather slit his wrists than go through that.

- When people pair up Kakashi and Iruka. Do they even talk in the manga? Where did this even come from? Even though I hate Sirius/Lupin at the very least I understand where it comes from. When do they interact in canon? For the life of me I can't remember one time when they talked in the manga. You have no idea how surprised I was when I started reading fanfiction and discovered this pairing's popularity. It would be like if in the epilogue Harry was revealed to be married to Blaise Zabini.

 

Kakashi and Iruka talked at least once, when Kakashi was nominating his team for the chunin exam.

 

Oh they've talked. I recall at least one instance maybe two. One of those times was when they argued regarding the rookies' eligibility to participate in the exams. You could totally tell the hostility was just to cover all the UST.

 

• Stories where the "hook" in the summary is answered by basic story formatting. Even if it's a dreadfully obvious rhetorical question, when you ask if Snape's love for Lily will ever be requited, for heavens' sake don't make the story an Angst/Romance fic featuring Snape and Lily with brackets around their names.
• Anything and everything that purports to write the story of Harry's Parents while not straying even a tad from canon.
• Manipulative Dumbledore. I can take senility: it had better be part of a humorous story, but it's a theoretically reasonable explanation. I can take a misguided sense of good: even if I disagree, it's certainly up to interpretation whether his motives were correct or not. What I can't take is Dumbledore the Dark, cackling evilly as his plan to mold Harry into a perfect weapon comes to fruition.
• Diminutive nicknames. Full stop.

 

Why?

-----------------------------
~.-.~.-.~.-.~.-.~.-.~.-.~.-~.-~
-----------------------------

- In Naruto fics, when Naruto and Sasuke refer to each other as baka and teme. Isn't teme just a rude way of saying 'you'? Fanfic writers seem to think it means 'bastard' or 'jackass'.

- When everyone gets their panties in a twist over Dumbledore/Hermione/Ron/etc being characterized badly even though in 99% of HP fics Harry is completely ooc. I'm a bit hypocritical in this area but it still annoys me.

- When fics star Fred, George or Luna. With Fred & George I just can't stand pranksters. Luna annoys me because she embodies a trait I hate: never questioning your beliefs and believing everything you hear with no proof. I give her props for not being afraid to hold a controversial opinion though.

 

Cause then it is literally pointless. A complete waste of time, with no purpose to reading it, where you know everything that will happen.

 

Eh, I'd be ok with reading a fic when I know what's going to happen if there was masterful writing and depth was given to the characters.

 

Same exact story except with sections that go, "oh, look how much Harry is loved by his parents. THIS IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF CANON LOL".

 

"Mouth agape" when someone points out something "so obvious" to a character.

Stop stop stop.

 

- when someone new comes to Hogwarts and they immediately have a fanclub made up of female teenage admirers.

 

Which ties into a pet peeve of mine, someone new coming to Hogwarts. Never seen it done well.

 

How about that Foreign Exchange Student, who is always Hawt and everyone either in luwv or super jelly as the FES does whatever they want awesomely with their Uber-Magic and being related to pretty much every character.

 

- When a character's bad actions are excused by the other characters because s/he didn't harm anyone they care about.

I recently read a 'severitus' fic where Harry was conceived by Snape raping Lily. But apparently it's okay because Snape thought he was raping a prostitute given polyjuice to look like Lily. WTF?! And no, I'm not misinterpreting what I read. In the fic 'the prostitute' is barely coherent and nearly unresponsive. Harry's not so desperate for family that he would knowingly accept a rapist as his father.

 

But that was twu wuv!

 

Or male.

Twu wape...

If it did turn out that Snape was Harry's father due to a completely consensual encounter, Harry should still hate his guts: Even more than in canon, in fact.

In that scenario...

1. Snape could have kept him from the Dursleys. Didn't.
2. Snape could have treated him like a human being in school. Didn't.
3. Snape could have been a father to him. Wasn't.

I don't care how vital an author makes Snape to the fight against Voldemort, his douche-bag status is unavoidable. Usually making him a bigger hero or more closely related to Harry just makes him an even bigger asshole, by circumstance.

 

1. Anything that sets off my Mary-sue alarms:

• Any character other than Fleur (or pre-Azkaban Sirius) being 'stunningly beautiful'
• Clinger Sues - When an oc is connected to a canon character's back-story in a major way and neither canon nor the character change in any way. The author's want it both ways; they want the canon character to be in the same position they were in canon but they also want their oc to be loved by the canon character.
  
  
  Spoiler

  I read a fic (called children of the revolution or something similar) where Snape and Lily had another close friend at Hogwarts. The author was fucking incapable of keeping the oc's personality straight. In one scene she hates Sirius and in the next one she's coming on to him. She supposedly cares for Snape and yet says nothing when he's about to ruin his life by joining the death eaters. She has a crush on him and tries to befriend him for the first few chapters even though he can't fucking stand her and he doesn't want to be her friend and he makes it crystal clear that he only cares about Lily. She is apparently his best friend and yet disappears from his life until Harry's 5th year, when she shows up just in time to join the order.
  Spoiler

  just skip this, I have no idea how to fix this formatting
  Spoiler

  And it's not even clear why she joins the order, she's not against them in any way and she has no way of knowing that Snape's involved with them. Though I will give the author credit for keeping the oc's main trait, her being a raging cunt, consistent throughout the story and sequel. Her only functions in the story are: a) Serving as a mouthpiece for the author to spout pseudo-feminist nonsense and to screech at characters who the author is angry at (Lily, for dumping Snape, Sirius for hating Snape, and Molly for being a bitch to Sirius) and b) serving as a hot girlfriend for Snape to fuck and later on impregnate once the war is over. (and of course the Suethor's not going to kill him off. Why would she go through the trouble of creating a hot trophy wife for Snape to steal from Sirius only to kill him off?)

• When 2 canon characters fight over a 3rd character.
• An oc who is related to a canon character (I’m really hypocritical in this regard)
• When an oc or minor character (whose hair color is unspecified in the books) is made into a redhead. Especially when s/he is an attractive woman.
• When a character is a jackass to all the other characters and yet everyone likes them and tries to befriend them.
• When a character is described as being ugly, yet everyone treats them like they're beautiful. No teenage boy is going to ask the goblin-looking girl to the Yule Ball when they can ask a pretty girl.

2. In AU fics, when there is only one change to canon yet all the other characters are different. The perfect example of this is MoR, where Petunia married a Dawkins knock-off and that somehow changed literally everything about the HP canon. (Well I suppose it didn’t change everything about canon, the characters still exist after all. It’s just that they share only a name with their canon counterparts and that the magic system is essentially the alchemy system from FMA.)

3. When the author anally rapes all the characters’ personalities and either simplifies or flanderizes the hell out of them (see above).

4. Bastardizing the magic system. A lot of authors make the magic system like chakra from Naruto, or the spirit energy from Bleach: 1. People are born with a set amount, 2. It’s possible to “exhaust” your magic or suffer from magic overexertion, 3. There are magic reserves, or a magical core. I don’t like this because it takes the work out of becoming powerful. Instead people are born either powerful or weak.

5. Fics where none of the characters are ever shown training and yet suddenly become all-powerful. Especially when the main character of these fics is Harry. This leads to my next one…

6. Fics where Harry can pwn Dumbledore while blindfolded after studying for one summer. Both Dumbledore and Voldemort studied and trained all their lives. Voldemort, even with all his arrogance and delusions is still trying to improve after regaining his body. Harry can and will not reach their level of power after training for a few months.

 

• 
  
  ...wut
  
  /10char