Search the forums for muggle vs wizard debate threads. Each one eventually comes to the same conclusion: MAGIC>bullets

 

So the stuff that you posted here isn't your story as I meant by the term. You've thought up the background of your character. You've told us a lot of details about the history before the story starts - What do you plan to happen when Victor meets Harry? That's your story.

What will their challenges be in this vastly different world, how will they struggle and fail and overcome?

I think you need to focus on what happens next, as well as what came before.

Blorcs out.

EDIT: oh, also. Victor/Viktor. Writing in the Harry Potter fanfic community that might get confusing, particularly in summaries and idea threads like this. The spelling's different but it might just be easier to change it. If I wrote a female OC I wouldn't call her Fleur Gourbault, I wouldn't want people to transfer onto her.

 

Same old same old:
- A bunch of Dark Wizards want them dead
- A bunch of hypocrite who believes in supremacy of Purebloods
- School works
- Unstable hormones
...

And how they overcome it? Keep punching through, what else? :fire

I choose the name Victor because it links to Victory. I'm terrible at putting names down and this is a (terrible) result.
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[EDIT]

Roger that.

And in addition, I'm not into a full-scale Muggle vs Magic. Victor and his friends only use some Muggle ideas as helps. The most "powerful" Muggle item I planned to have is a magic-resistance Nokia mobile phone (and I doubt it'll be used much)

 

So, you have no solid ideas, then.

I guarantee if you start writing with the above as your "plot", you'll either write a terrible canon rehash, or burn out when by the time of the first Potions class and abandon it.

Do you have an endgame in mind? What's the goal? Deafeating Voldemort? How does it happen? What needs to happen for the gang to achieve the goal? What else do you want to happen? Because what you have right now is literally nothing in HP fanfic terms. Dark wizards, purebloods, school and being a teenager describes most fanfics ever written.

Not to mention you yourself described your ideas "same old". Like there aren't enough of those already. I'm not gonna tell anyone not to write, but reheating the same dinner for the n-th time is a beaten path into likely failure and only the slimmest chance of success. I encourage you to try and come up with something more.

 

If you're going to make an authoritive statement about what HP magic can and can't do, try making it about something that we actually have WoG on.

Also, if I want to cast a spell that turns all bullets fired at me into daffodils, then I bloody well will.

Edit: aaaand missed the extra page.

 

Dunno. The biggest problem with your story is your character sounds like a total Sue. He likes maths, so I'm assuming he's good at it, knows martial arts , works on his stamina(cue training montage) and is protective (OP means overprotective I assume) of his friends. To say that Slytherins don't usually go to the library is very... house-ist of you, has knowledge that rivals those of Ravenclaws and to top it all he is some sort of chosen one.

And why on earth is Snape dismayed at him being sorted into Slytherin? Was he in love with his mother and his very existence rankles Snape about what he could have had?

You say you want to fix the story. To be frank I don't know where to start. If I were you I would ditch the idea. Its a terrible one.

 

All I had to read to make me stay away was: "prank war." Never have I read a story where a prank war was good or relevant to the story. Also, agree with crimson_sun, Victor sounds like a total Sue. Try and work on the negative aspects of your main characters, op.