Or "bajingos", maybe "hoo hoos"?

 

Considering the average sex scene that would probably improve things.

 

My other personal favorite is "Badoodledoo". Considering most of the sex scenes are written my the perspectives of virgins who barely have a concept of how babies are made you can't really be surprised by this.

 

"Harry dove between her thighs and devoured her"

"Ginny sucked him clean"

I mean, what is it with fanfiction writers thinking their target audience are retarded?

I don't need every little detail to be spilled out for me, alright. Just give me the bare essentials and let me come to my own conclusion.

---------- Post automerged at 09:26 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:25 PM ----------

Yeah, I seriously once read this story where the writer thought males had hymens in their asses.

I just... don't get it. How can anyone be that ignorant?

 

There, I just wrote the best ever sex scene in all of fanfiction.

 

True enough, why do so many fanfiction writers even have sex scenes in their story?

I can understand a paragraph that has them kiss and take off their clothes, but why even delve into the details? They're boyfriend and girlfriend, I get it. I'm not retarded. I don't need every little detail about their relationship, nor do I want it.

 

That would explain why Snape is always in such a bad mood.

 

And this extends to everything else.

I hate it when a writer gives too many details. No! I do not want to read a 20,000 word chapter of Harry Potter practicing spells in his trunk

 

Not quite the same thing but all this talk of unnecessary detail reminded me of an old post of Shezza's.

 

Just the other day, I was talking to a friend about how anyone could possibly think 50 Shades of Grey was even remotely either realistic or sexy. And then I had this lovely reminder, which makes far too much sense considering where 50 Shades of Grey was born.

As a follow-up, pretty much all Slash. More often than not, it isn't even Slash so much as [Author's Crush]/Girl-"Harry" that just so happens to have a penis. Personally, I would love to read a Slash that's actually good just for the sheer novelty of it.

 

I think "Good slash" is an oxymoron, to be honest. I've read great stories where one of the Supporting Characters was gay (Dudley, actually), but every time the MC ends up being gay, it seems to devolve either into PWP or a homiletic moralfest. No thank you to either.

 

I suspect a slash fic written by an actual gay guy might be tolerable. Most of it though is written by 13 year girls and middle-aged women.

 

Xerosis is a good slash fic.

 

I remember one old fic, but it's really old and it's been a few years since I even saw it last. Underwater Light by Maya. It was pretty big in its time.

Spoiler

As far as I know Maya has officially quit the fandom, but I think there are PDFs of her combined works floating around. Google is your friend.

Fair warning, the slash is Harry/Draco and story features the cool, suave Draco that rose to prominence in the wake of Cassandra Claire's trilogy (though I can't remember if UL isn't actually older than the Draco Trilogy). I read it when I was much younger and my interests weren't near as defined as now. I have no idea how it's held up. I remember the fic having a decent plot apart from the slash.

 

Its quite probable that in the duration of the 7 books Harry did a lot of things that weren't explicitly stated. He probably went to the toilet; had a wank; spilled food down his front and had to change his robes; and most likely had inane everyday conversations with more than the tiny number of people we see him communicating with in the books. These are things that aren't added because they don't need to be. Of course they happen, you just don't need to see it.

 

I know that it's not actually a real issue but it's something I notice anyway when doors are opened in the first place. It's fine if it's just stated that someone entered the place but when it's explicitly stated that the door is opened I expect it to be closed too, otherwise I just wonder if it's not weird that just anyone walking by could look or walk in.
I studied programming so that could be why that bothers me a little.

 

Yeah, I really hate it too when things are left open. (It's almost like we've been brainwashed somehow...

 

)

You dropped this, m'od.

 

Not related to Harry potter but I can't stand any fic with military characters in it that sound like every line of dialogue was pulled line for line from a well-known action or war film.