SnowBlack

1. The author states in chapter 1 that she's gotten another author's permission to continue their fic.
2. This is repeated again later to emphasise to people who skimmed over the authors note that she is aware of the fact that her idea is not original.
3. This is then repeated multiple times by multiple people in this very thread, even with comparisons being drawn and speculations made then clarified.

Your statement shows that not only have you formed your opinions without all of the pertinent facts provided by the author, but that you've just blatantly ignored all the posts previous to this one, and spouted a patronising simplistic review with no regards to things like 'constructive criticism' or an 'interesting opinion'.

Not really sorry for the rant, things like that just bug the crap out of me.

On a more related note, I wonder if the author actually has the story plotted out in its entirety? This is her first long fic and the hows and whys to what was happening to magic really took a step to the wayside to accomodate Harry juggling his various romantic pursuits in WerewolfWarriors version. Should be interesting to see what direction it takes once it reaches the end of the template he provided.

 

This one gives me hype. Just the fact that harry got to put forth his name on his own volition makes me hope.

 

Spoiler most recent chapter:

Spoiler

I really like that he lost the first task. He didn't place second, he didn't nearly get there, he just fucking lost. He did show off some his new skills, but this is certainly a new experience for him.

I'm looking forward to how his new-found interest in magic and this setback are going to influence him.

 

I thought the recent update was good. Harry never really had any reason to get better except for meeting Narcissa's expectations. Now that he's failed the first task I imagine he'll have more of a drive to learn magic and get better.

Overall, the story is pretty good. The characterization is mostly consistent, the writing is competent and the plot is moving in an interesting direction. The issues I have are mostly small things: the overuse of italics to emphasize words and the occasional characterization blunder, like Harry suddenly noticing that he's attracted to Hermione.

Still, a solid piece of fanfiction. 3/5 for now, with the potential for 4/5 if the minor things get improved.

 

That was really disappointing for me. I agree that we don't want to make Harry too powerful, but you know what Harry's main trait in the book was? Not giving up. He never gives up. Hell, even when he was dying and in extreme pain, he had enough willpower to stab the diary.

If he had lost the first task by performing the worst, it would have been okay. But this just seemed too out of canon characterization.

I knew there was something bugging me regarding Harry's characterization since the beginning of the story, but I didn't realize it until now. If you remember the first class room scene, Harry tries it once and after failing that just stops trying. That's a very glaring contradiction with canon Harry's characterization.

You could say this is AU so it's okay. Well, I don't like reading about Harry when they remove his most positive trait from the characterization.

I really had high hopes for this story. 2/5

 

Did the author actually explain why Harry was disqualified? He lost by not finishing, I get that, but disqualified implies that the judges think he broke the rules somehow, and that isn't explained as far as I can tell.

 

Im fine with the way the first task went, mostly hoping for lots of growth between this and the second task.

 

Story Review

The author provided a new look at magic while allowing harry to have a believable reason to begin to push himself. I recommend for those that want to see Harry advance in his magical prowess. 4 out of 5.

 

Not bad of a story. I like the way the first task was done.We'll see how it continues.

3/5

 

The story has a few interesting concepts, but the execution is lacking, to say the least of it.

The magic-is-dying thing sounds like it might a decent idea, but between the poorly written news article, the boring way it was formulated and the subsequent lack of emphasis, I don't care about that part of the story at all. Which is a shame, because the author the author was relying heavily on that (well, that and Narcissa) to differentiate it from the million other Fourth year H/F stories, but it just doesn't work out.

I also intensely dislike Narcissa in this fic. I dislike the tough mentor routine, and the way every other character goes out of their way to wank her irritates me. Her papers on magical theory boggle even Dumbledore's mind apparently. One would think with such vast knowledge she would have done something in canon besides bawling her eyes out to Snape.

The magic is bland. Harry's new increase in skill is arbitrary. It goes through the usual "Oh I love magic again" stuff and the usual morning jogging routine, and within a months' time Harry can cast non-verbal spells in fights, something neither Harry nor Hermione could do even by the end of DH. Not that is enough to beat Narcissa Malfoy, duelist extraordinaire. Of course not.

And Hermione apparently saunters now and laughs huskily, showing her perfect, pearly-white teeth. Yay?

On the plus side, it seems to be something other than rehashing year four. I might not like what it does, but it's something new at least. The pacing is also pretty nice. It takes 40k+ words to reach the first task, but the author has crammed enough stuff into it that it feels quite fast paced. Fast paced is good.

Too bad about the lost potential. May be it will improve. I'm not holding out much hope though.

2/5.

 

The news article made me implode out of control. Surely there was a better way to do that.

Like, a reveal like that is a huge, huge opportunity for character development and stuff.

It wasn't a dealbreaker, as it's written fairly decently.

I think Stan has the right of it, in any case. The characters are, for the most part, a touch... off, I guess. There's a lot of room for forgiveness in terms of Narcissa's character because in a way, I understand the author's need for a character like that, but it just seems that Dumbledore is a little too incompetent from an intellectual standpoint where he should excel. Hermione's a little too sexy, Firenze is a little too helpful, Luna's a little too sure of herself, etc.

That's not to say that it's bad per se (though I'm definitely more put off by Dumbledore than anything else probably), but at the moment...

3/5.

Points given for what seems to be an honest love of magic by a bunch of the characters. Points given for dialogue being well-written.

edit: I would like to say that the amount of get-me-into-the-WbA-shitposts in this thread is inordinately high. That being said, better here than new threads :^)