1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Complete A Cadmean Victory by DarknessEnthroned - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Skeletaure, Aug 20, 2015.

  1. MonkeyBiznez

    MonkeyBiznez First Year

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2015
    Messages:
    31
    High Score:
    0
    I gave up early into year 5, but i liked how the yule ball ended and the butterfly swarms as an idea. He does seem to force plot developments in the most unnatural ways.

    Edit, oh yeah the reincarnated wand, that was good...idk if its novel but I was okay with it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2015
  2. Starwars

    Starwars Squib

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2015
    Messages:
    6
    I agree with most of what has been said, and I was pretty put out with so little romance in the fic, but overall I think its a solid fic with an impressive update rate. That alone, along with the lack of Harry/Fleur stories, places it in my top 20.
     
  3. Rubribreza

    Rubribreza Squib

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2015
    Messages:
    8
    High Score:
    0
    Cadmean Victory is one of the better Harry/Fleur fics that i have read, however, that isn't all that hard to achive for any story given the abysmal number of pure HPFD fiction.
    Is it the best? No, not really. Is it the worst? Not even close. :)
    The story has some great points, the remaking of Harry's wand, the secret plot Harry comes up with in order to get rid of Dumbledore and Umbridge, the (un)expected murder of Rita, all of them are rather original. Originality is always a plus in my book. The title of the story is great, foreshadowing the path this story is taking with the whole "Victory at the cost of one's own ruin" message.
    The bad things are here, too. Magical cores, magical exhaustion, Harry being Salazar Slytherin's heir, flat-as-Holland Fleur and many more.
    The update rate is nothing short of fantastic, though. I feel that the author is mayhaps harming the quality of the story with the crazy update rate, as sometimes parts of dialogue and even some of the narration scream lazy writting and I think that if he were to give himself some more time to make the sentences flow smoother, replace some dialogue lines and add a bit more spirit to some of the characters like Neville and Fleur especially, he would fare much better.
    All in all, I find Cadmean Victory to be a solid read overall and if you are a hopeless HPFD fan like myself, well you don't have much of a choice anyway, do you?:)
     
  4. The Dork Lord

    The Dork Lord Squib

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2015
    Messages:
    8
    Location:
    Australia
    High Score:
    0
    I'd have to say the story was quite fascinating and the author rolls out updates pretty mast making it even better, but there are a lot of cliche's and harry transition is quite unexpected. So far 3/5
     
  5. Trig

    Trig Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2010
    Messages:
    708
    Location:
    Germany
    Updated.

    Started out boring and pointless, ended in a quite interesting fashion though. It's something I haven't seen before, and it's something that hopefully is going to bring this story back on course. I really hope Harry is finally going to let loose, it's time to get back to the plot.

    This dreary cycle of school/missing fleur/going to the chamber/visiting fleur/plotting was really pissing me off. He wasn't even training or exploring his interesting magical development, there was no real character development, the last few chapters were basically pointless.

    That should change now.

    By the way, it really looks as if the author is going to make Harry/Bird!Fleur a thing.
     
  6. justsomepeople2

    justsomepeople2 Squib DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2015
    Messages:
    18
    Location:
    Netherlands
    Is it me or does the dialogue in this story get worse and worse every chapter? Maybe I only just noticed it, but the conversation between Harry and Fleur in this chapter just made me want to give up on the story altogether.
     
  7. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    6,036
    Shit just got real. Nigga killed Dobby. Spoiler.

    Everyone is still so salty about this fic, I'm still waiting for the next update to see what happens.
     
  8. SeekingSerenity

    SeekingSerenity Third Year

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2015
    Messages:
    90
    High Score:
    0
    'Legilimens,' he whispered.
    The squib never had a chance, with no magic, and no idea of what to expect Harry
    tore through his mind with absurd ease, following the trail of hatred and resentment
    back to its birth, witnessing every connected moment in half a century .
    The path began with the beaming visage of a young, dark-haired, pale-eyed girl,
    wielding a wand in Ollivander's, and surrounded by yellow sparks. She bathed in the
    pride of her parents while Filch watched on, forgotten, forlorn and furious.
    'Obliviate,' Harry murmured. He knew from Lockhart's implication that it was possible
    to modify memories, but even the gilded fraud would have baulked at what Harry
    was about to attempt. There were fifty years of feelings to alter, half a lifetime to
    change or erase, ending with their meeting on their stairs.
    He purged every moment of the bitterness, every memory of watching magic and
    feeling the resentment well up inside him was changed. The discontent that had
    defined Argus Filch warped into calm acceptance, and every instant along that string
    of emotions was transformed into something else.
    Argus Filch's eyes rolled up in his head and he slumped to the floor.
    Harry flicked his wand back into his sleeve, turned on his heel, and strode back in
    the direction of the chamber.
    Without the root of the resentment, without those bitter recollections the hatred they
    had fed would wither and fade. He imagined that both the students and Filch would
    be much happier for it.
    Ermmm,what?Did that really just happened?:facepalm
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2015
  9. Red

    Red High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2008
    Messages:
    502
    Truth. This fic is entertaining.
     
  10. Rubribreza

    Rubribreza Squib

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2015
    Messages:
    8
    High Score:
    0
    Ughhh... If it weren't for the random awesome moment like Rita's murder, Harry's plot and the much wanted Harry/Fleur fluff, I'd likely drop this story.
    I know my previous review said otherwise, but that was before the whole "Mindrape Filch into being a nice human being" thing. It seems that the author went all "Fuck, maybe killing Rita was a bit harsh? How about I show them that Harry is truly a marvelous wizard by fixing Filch?" on us. I don't mind Harry turning dark, but becoming dark with pink and white dots is a bit nauseating.
    The rather boring tone of the chapters is becoming an issue, too. Harry wakes up, talks with Neville and Katie, goes to the Chamber, goes to France, talks to Fleur, gets back, sleep, does it over again. Yes, he has a class now and then, but every day seems to follow the mentioned schedule. Hope when Fleur gets to England and they buy the apartement together this will change. Also, a bit more characters wouldn't hurt. It seems we're stuck with some five or six of them and that's all we're getting.

    With all this said, still a decent read. I have a feeling the author has some great thing planned out.

    P.S. Somebody better notice that damned Horcrux in the valley of Umbridge's tities. The hints and random mentions are getting on my nerves. :)
     
  11. Hachi

    Hachi Death Eater

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2010
    Messages:
    927
    Location:
    In the Zone
    FTFY.

    /10char
     
  12. wolf550e

    wolf550e High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2006
    Messages:
    585
    Gender:
    Male
    she did not get possessed by the horcrux
     
  13. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    6,036
    She deemed to show some competency when touching tiara. The viciousness that Harry shows is going to have some major fallout in the end. For what it's worth that was a decent Umbridge kill off. I wonder how Harry is going to keep the ministry away from the forest once they find out it was spiders that killed her.
     
  14. Suty

    Suty First Year

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    39
    Maybe my perception filter is off, but it seems to me that a lot of reviews/summaries get prefaced with "It's a little cliched, BUT..." Just an observation.

    Anyway, the story is a solid 3/5 for being readable.
    Some good points:
    * A competent and active HP is always good and the plot is different enough from canon to keep your interest. I read the first 40 chapters in one sitting.
    * The author's depiction of rituals/blood magic was fairly refreshing. The idea of sacrificing something in order to gain more power added some complexity to the magic system. It reminded me of Retsu's Folly where HP struggled to control his overwhelmingly powerful sword.
    * The battle scenes/magic were very cool and imaginative.

    Some major quibbles:
    * It seems to me that HP has read the HP books, because otherwise some of his actions/thoughts/insights don't make any sense. Don't have an example off the top of my head, but it's a general feeling. In addition HP seems to have a large amount of plot armor; all of HP's machinations/plots just work: no wrinkles, no hitches. For a story called "Cadmean Victory" I expected something a little more... pyrrhic.
    * Fleur seems to inexplicably accept HP's actions even when they break wizarding taboo.
    * Gabrielle Delacour, who is supposedly the same age as HP, acts/is treated like she's 10 years old
    * There's a lot of filler material, especially lately with the daily update rate
    * dat ice
     
  15. Hachi

    Hachi Death Eater

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2010
    Messages:
    927
    Location:
    In the Zone
    Gabrielle is 6 years younger than Harry in canon. Does the age change serve a purpose in the story?
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2015
  16. Trig

    Trig Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2010
    Messages:
    708
    Location:
    Germany
    No, not yet.

    ;)
     
  17. Jjf88

    Jjf88 Auror

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2007
    Messages:
    671
    In regards to the title, I think the author is going for Harry slowly losing his morals. He doesn't care about killing and even goes out of his way to do it (latest chapter) in a slow and deliberate manner. I believe we will see him fall before the end of the story.
     
  18. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2005
    Messages:
    5,128
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Yes, it does, the author is using the fanon cliche that Veela stay childlike and innocent until they turn a certain age, at which time they fully blossom into an adult woman. So while Gabrielle still has the same 8 year old body she had in canon, she is in fact Harry's age. He had to do this, because he did the same thing to Fleur too. He did this to give more angst to Fleur, as it served to make her the butt of every joke her female friends threw at her as they hit puberty, got tits, and she didn't -- only for them to get insanely jealous once she hit that age where she matured, so now they hate her and want nothing to do with her. So the author is trying to make the loneliness and isolation both feel a parallel between Harry and Fleur in order for them to have something to ground their relationship on.
     
  19. Warhawk

    Warhawk Squib

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2014
    Messages:
    15
    I will never understand authors that think this is a good idea. This is one of the few red flags that make me drop stories instantly.
    Why should Fleur reach out to Harry of all people if there is a whole race of Veela facing the exact problem according to this description? Moreover for it to "work" Harry needs to be completely isolated too, which leads most of the time to some bullshit reason to break him, Ron and Hermoine apart.
    This is already bad enough and doesn't even include topics like the allure or that not a single girl, maybe even other outsiders, is interested in befriending Fleur.

    In my opinion the story has far too few good parts to justify anything more than 2/5 with all these cliches and random decisions out of nowhere.
     
  20. SeekingSerenity

    SeekingSerenity Third Year

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2015
    Messages:
    90
    High Score:
    0
    Sigh,rituals in this fic are really small risk ,high and permanent gain.Seriously why isn't Voldemort jacked up throughout 100 rituals?Or any other power lusty magician for that fact?
     
Loading...