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WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

Discussion in 'Games' started by MonkeyEpoxy, Feb 24, 2015.

  1. Himuradono

    Himuradono Professor

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    LOL

    My review from 15 min ago:
    I forgot to add in my review that 5 Coloured Walker made a good observation about being careful not to make Jack into a 'Weaker Shepard Clone'. She has to be her own character standing on her own legs, with noticeable similarities between her and Shep but also fundamentally different.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2015
  2. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

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    Anime diseased minds think alike, it seems =P
     
  3. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

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    At times, the characters listing the way they see and perceive other characters and what they want to do with them in terms of helping them develop, I wish there was more showing instead of telling. To see it play out with some subtlety and not have Shepard outright say, 3 times or so at that, how similar they are and how much she wants to help her.

    Other than that, enjoyable chapter, next one seems to be one big assault where nothing will go wrong.
     
  4. KaelMyec

    KaelMyec Second Year

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    Happy that the update rate has picked up again and the new side stories are great supplemental reading as always. Were getting into the scenes that I have been eagerly anticipating since reading 'Mother's Tears'. Grunt is awesome and I cant wait to see the dynamic build between Shepard and her 7 foot tall lizard child.

    Also Zaeed will be making an appearance and I hope for a joke or three between him and Shpeard whenever they encounter a higher ranking Blue Sun member 'Zaeed! Aren't you supposed to be dead?' "Get that to huh Massani?"
     
  5. Himuradono

    Himuradono Professor

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    Good news!:D
    I don't know how he did it but LogicalPremise churned out another chapter. 25+ pages of absolute, blood pumping action and techno horror as we delve deeper into Okeer's HQ.

    The chapter is being beta'd right now. Rejoice. :)
     
  6. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

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    Ah, we haven't discussed the last chapter though.

    I love it when the age of really old characters is put into context. Like, it's one thing when you say one character is a few thousand years old, the oldest sentient being of the active races, it's another when you say Okeer has been kicking ass and taking names since before the pyramids were build.

    On the other, I'm still not much of a fan when character development and character assessment is done so blatantly with three characters create a psychological profile for the main character. It works, at times, but we get those rather frequently here and I get why, but that's stuff I want to see with a bit more subtlety.

    Zaeed is still fun, and we see a lot of factions on earth doing their (insane) thing. Still odd seeing that degree sexism in that point of time, that the High Lords are excluding women, but I guess, when you have an elite, conservative, rich powerful class, some things just won't die.

    Virgil is just a delight. I love it when he insults everyone.
     
  7. OneirosTheWriter

    OneirosTheWriter Second Year

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    Virgil would have to be one of my favourite synthetic characters since HK-47. Always love getting his take on characters.

    LogicalPremise, the pace of updates you've been pushing lately is staggering. Try as I might, I cannot get anywhere near that level of output. Well done!

    Definitely enjoyed the battle sequences for the most recent chapter. The Blue Suns getting minced nicely drove home how dangerous Okeer's loony little nest of Krogan was, and Okeer himself did not disappoint.

    Good to see everything else in the galaxy is as dystopian as ever and I'm really looking forward to the Shephard, Garrus, and Liara reunions.
     
  8. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy The Cursed Child DLP Supporter

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    Pssh, this is small time. You missed when he pushed out like 150K words in like 10 days.
     
  9. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

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    I suspect Salarian bioengineering.


    You know, by now, I kinda don't want Liara to return. Shepard has kinda begun to heal and while she may never be well-adjusted or anything, I do think she can arrive in a better place. Getting together again with Liara and sliding back in their dysfunctional relationship that is pretty much a cycle of mutually assured destruction and abuse is going to be ...worrying.

    Let it go, Shep, go with Miranda. That's not to say I dislike Liara or anything, their meet-up is certainly going to be interesting.

    Although, meeting back up with Garrus? That's going to be glorious.

    You know, Shepard's main team might pick up the reputation of being relatively immortal after this, seeing the core team survived and is coming back.
     
  10. LogicalPremise

    LogicalPremise First Year DLP Supporter

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    Heresy! I need no xenos tampering to serve the Emperor.



    Do I really need to repeat my very first words on this forum?

    As for Miri, that relationship will be a number of things, but currently I don't think it's romantic. There are people ... interested in Shepard. I don't want to pigeonhole Miri as a easy bi when making a more complex sisterly-friend relationship on several levels (to me) would be more rewarding. I wanted to do that with Ash but she was too fail and my skills were too weak.

    I may take your Shepard-sempai suggestions to heart, as both Shepard and Garrus will probably ... wander ... before meeting back up with Liara and Tel, and anything I can do to messing up the shipping circles I will.

    (You cannot conceive of the number of PM's I get about shipping recommendations. Dear God, I have giant Cthulhusquid, enough grimdark to choke out a Chaos Champion, and Ahern and von Grath shirtless mud wrestling with asari porn stars, and the most important thing is 'did u thk maybe grunt/samara wld wrk?')
     
  11. Feoffic

    Feoffic Alchemist DLP Supporter

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    When the hell did that happen?
     
  12. Himuradono

    Himuradono Professor

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    Jesus, the feeling of guilt this alone will generate in Shepard will be of truly divine proportions. I foresee there will be lines about feeling unworthy of Liara, etc. because she 'strayed' in her widowhood.

    Dear god, why?

    I feel for you, LP. The image alone... gah! <brain bleach>
     
  13. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

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    LogicalPremise: Fair enough, either way, that relationship is going to be fun.

    @Banta : It was after Ahern caught Mewtwo with a pokeball, pretty intense chapter.
     
  14. LogicalPremise

    LogicalPremise First Year DLP Supporter

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    ACTUAL suggested pairings that are just ridiculous :

    Shep/Chakwas
    Shep/Udina (srsly)
    Garrus/Michel
    Tali/Wrex
    Tali/Adams
    Chakwas/Jiong
    Jiong/Tali
    Jiong/Pressly

    Consort/Pressly
     
  15. KaelMyec

    KaelMyec Second Year

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    Grunt/Jack is obviously the OTP. I can see how your setting that one up LogicalPremise, you cant fool me!

    Also didn't Pressly already pair up with his wife and the Consort, or was that Ahren, cant remember at the moment.


    On a more serious note, I really enjoyed your take on Okeer. This is an Okeer as he should have been in the ME2, war leader, brilliant scientist, and thinking ahead more than just one progeny to ignore the genophage. His mutations on the females making them more resistant to certain areas being activated by the genophage is good and I cant wait to see how Mordin looks at it and laughs because he already modified the genophage to bypass this as it was already naturally happening. Assuming of course that it actually went down like that in the OSABC universe.
     
  16. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy The Cursed Child DLP Supporter

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    I'd find it more satisfying if Mordin was horrified that his work was superseded by someone who had no idea what STG was even doing, made irrelevant -in a small sample, at least, let's not pretend Okeer did his work to benefit Tuchankan Krogan, the group Mordin was after- since the modification, the addition of junk genetic code added to the evolution of Krogan biology, was already thought of. In fact, I'd make it one of Okeer's first modifications given what he learns from Sovereign/Collectors/Stuff. Because then Mordin would have to think about his contingencies. And the contingencies after those contingencies, only to discover that Okeer was another step ahead. Man, as I go on, thinking about the looming specter of Okeer's design... it's a perfect foil to Mordin. It would make any pro-Krogan decision in the future have... an incredible impact.

    Okeer was the oldest non-reaper being in Citadel space. What has happened so far was great, but Mordin isn't God, as it were. It could even pose a threat to the upcoming work he has to do with the seeker swarms - maybe something a bit more substantive than Maelon. Angst for the Angst God, as it is.
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2015
  17. KaelMyec

    KaelMyec Second Year

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    Its possible that given Mordin's rather forcible conscription back into STG service once he sees the work that Okeer has done he will flag it to the STG. Once the STG sees it they will more than likely deploy another modification to the genophage but go to total sterility this time. That strikes me as a the kind of level and measured response the Salarian government of the OSABC universe would make.
     
  18. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

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    Yes, Shepard, what else could possibly go wrong, good question.

    Where did Okeer earn his doctorate, btw. How was his university life? Did he bring his hammer to class? I am oddly curious about that. Sounds hilarious.

    As to the genophage, well, that's bound to cause a shitstorm. Really wonder how Mordin is going to react to this and what his steps will be.
     
  19. LogicalPremise

    LogicalPremise First Year DLP Supporter

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    He actually spent time after the Uplift and Rachni Wars but before the Rebellions, and after the Rebellions, going to universities on Sur'Kesh and Thessia. He was, for a very long time, the only krogan the Citadel didn't put travel restrictions on.

    He did not bring his hammer to class but he did once give a very young Thana T'Armal a piggy back ride.

    I'm actually writing up an STG File on him now. probably done by Monday.

    I'm more surprised no one commented on his other title. :D
     
  20. Himuradono

    Himuradono Professor

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    But was it an official title or self-appointed?