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Complete Bungle in the Jungle: A Harry Potter Adventure by jbern - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by jbern, Apr 13, 2006.

  1. slasheh

    slasheh Seventh Year

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    sweet chapter.
    In some ways it almost feels like the turning point in the story. The fight between Luna and Harry is good, it makes it more realistic, since both of them have their problems, so a "romance" without any hitches is simply too good to be true.

    The Katrina arc is finally coming to a head too, though i must admit i dislike the stupidity of their plot, there are easier ways to set up a takeover than trying to trick an unknown quantity.
     
  2. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    Very nice chapter, I might even say best one yet. The internal dialogue at the end is superb, that he himself does not even know who he truely is. Be interesting to see what happens with the gob-ghost I have a feeling we will see her again.

    Ok so if all this goes down ok (I wont say what incase someone reads this before the chappy) will Harry be in shit loads of trouble he just well... you know did a lot of damage I imagin the authorites wont be to happy with him.
     
  3. mjc

    mjc Seventh Year

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    Jim, you are a right bastard...but you probably know that?

    Great work...
     
  4. PsyckoSama

    PsyckoSama Groundskeeper

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    This really shows that Harry is no longer a nieve, clueless school boy who's entire world is based around a fanciful ideas about the absolute nature of Light and Dark. He's now willing to do what it takes to survive and to win.
     
  5. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

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    I lived in my mind but I lost my key.
    The whole subplot was about this i take it. Well it was worth it. Harry is right he did learn what he is maybe not who he is but what is is a survivor. He always has been in a way mostly through luck or lots of help but he survivors what probably no other wizard could ever survive. He has fought Basilisk and surived at 12 years old. He has fought dementors at 14. Dragons, merpeople, werewolves, Tom himself, death eaters. He has even survived loosing himself in his dreams with the mirror. He is a survivor. His animagus form is good for him in the it is a surivivor as well.

    The gringotts idea was different dont think I have seen one of those before but if i did I forgot it.

    Over all 5/5 Best one yet.

    Now update your other story I still like it better but this one is in the top 5 at the moment.
     
  6. The Duke

    The Duke Seventh Year

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    Another excelent chapter man. You cliffies are masterful and make me want to hate you lol.
     
  7. mbond98

    mbond98 Seventh Year

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    So thats how Ifiri came to be in Gringots. Musta followed him from the City and to Five Minutes to Live. So, then, do they gove him a Goblin escort?
     
  8. TheJackOFDiamonds

    TheJackOFDiamonds Third Year

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    Excellent chapter. I think the unique point of view really added something to the internal dialogue at the end, and really connects the reader to Harry's developing character. Stories don't get much better than this.

    -the Jack
     
  9. Duke

    Duke DA Member

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    ....errrr....spoiler? read the chapter first?
    S
    P
    O
    I
    L
    E
    R
    ....errrr....spoiler? read the chapter first?
    Woah. Great chapter, but...but...DAMNIT I WANT MORE! YOU CAN'T END IT THERE YOU BASTARD! ARGH!
    Ooops, sorry. I've just been waiting for this for a while and, damn it all to hell I want more! Oh well.

    Nice - baddass Harry about to do some serious damage. I wonder who walks out of that guest house alive. Certainly won't be Paulo. And somehow I think that if I looked at Mr. Director's palm his life line would be disturbingly short. Seeing how Amanda comes out of it should be interesting. I wonder if Harry is going to cut a deal with the Don - after all murder of a police officer, even in self defense, has got to be frowned upon. Unless of course there are no witnesses....=P. What will happen to dear ol' Nina I wonder? But poor Karina and Chico. No wonder Harry is pissed.

    Poor Luna too, it's gotta suck waiting for a reply. Especially when you keep wondering if you just lost your only friend because of some silly argument. Second guessing yourself is such a bitch.

    Hmmm. So everyone is off for the weekend? Does that mean that no one will be looking for Harry for a while? Well with the element of surprise and shock he shouldn't have to rely completely on luck to pull out a win. Who cast the imperius curse? Does it disappear when he (or she) dies? For that matter what happens when the caster is rather rudely distracted - I imagine that curse is all about will power.

    The Ghost of the Goblin Revolutionary.... (wry grin) But what will she do? Improve female goblin rights? I don't think many goblins need that much stirring up against wizards - just the opportunity.

    Anyway - great chapter! Good ending! Too short. Can't wait until the next one =[.
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2006
  10. Naga's Shadow

    Naga's Shadow Seventh Year

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    Now that is a cliff hanger! You shouldn't have said who exactly he pointed at though, just to be eviler, thats not a word is it? Anyway great job indeed.
     
  11. Shezza

    Shezza Renegade 4 Life DLP Supporter

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    You know, by reading your stories and getting an aproxomation of your style, I wouldn't be suprised that after Harry whirls around, yells Avada Kedavra....it doesn't work. Because that scenario just screams Jbern!

    Love the new chapter, and love the story. Definately something unique, which is rare these days.

    Sincerely,
    Shezza88
     
  12. aw our little harry's grown up and become a killing machine, it seems like just yesterday he was being chased by a dragon, (starts playing Sunrise, Sunset )great chapter can't wait for the next one :)
     
  13. huntedorange

    huntedorange Seventh Year

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    Another great chapter, it was great actually i went on holiday and come back to two chapters, both of them were awesome. Keep up the good work and great idea about the goblin thing, it really is all coming together nicely. 5/5
     
  14. jbern

    jbern Alba Mater

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    Well chapter 15 has had an overwhelming response. Thank you all very much!

    A good bit of opinion had been given on why Harry chose to use a spell he hasn't used before and aim at the person who is supposed to be controlling him. Some pointed out that if he were to Kill the Mafia prince, then Daddy is free. (The flaw there is Daddy doesn't have a wand. No need. He's just there to jump head first into Harry's reductor.) If Harry Kills Amanda then Nina is free. This doesn't necessarily mean that she'll jump right in and back Harry up.

    The reason I had Harry use the AK is he believes he can. In PoA, he pointed his wand across a lake and summoned a corporeal patronus, because he believed he could. Thundercloud's lesson was about overcoming the self imposed limitations of your magic. He knows a feeble wizard like Peter can cast one. He has just accepted that he is a predator and a killer, which is important in his search for clarity with his animal.

    As to why he cast at Paulo, from playing Dodgespell he knows how good Paulo is. He doesn't expect Nina or the Mafia Prince to be more of a threat than Paulo, who is superior to Amanda in Harry's judgement. Plus if Harry can only kill one of them, he wants it to be the guy who set him up who happens to be the biggest perceived threat in the room.

    It has taken 14 chapters to turn Harry from the clueless kid being controlled by potions to someone capable of killing a room full of people with the only regret being that he should have killed them sooner. He still has just over 3 weeks of maturing before we reach the wizard seen in chapter 1, but he is really close.

    After the battle and the fallout, Harry's relationship with Luna takes center stage as Bill and the rest negotiate with the Goblins for access to the Bulk Transfer system. She's been hiding behind Looney so long, she may not know how to not be Looney when interacting with someone else. Her big prank might be a shield to hide behind masking her pain. A scar protects the wound underneath and allows it to heal, but sometimes the wounds are too deep and removing the scar can reopen the wounds... I'm hoping to deliver more than just your usual teenybopper angst. Both Harry and Luna have real problems. Harry's involve people trying to kill him though.

    Jim
     
  15. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    That is a cool quote. If anyone ever gets to use that in relation to themselves at any time in their life they know thay have had an interesting life.
     
  16. the-caitiff

    the-caitiff Death Eater

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    Understatement of the year! They definitely both have problems, but unfortunately killing all of Harry's problems will just give him the type that can't be killed.

    Love that bit of insight into the future of the story.
     
  17. The Sinner

    The Sinner Looked into the void

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    I like the internal conflict and resolve Harry is coming to in this chapter, but I was confused by the whole power resevoir idea presented in this chapter.

    Wonderful as always Mr. Bern.
     
  18. the-caitiff

    the-caitiff Death Eater

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    Think of it as an anti-sapper. The wards are powered with siphon runes that constantly drain the ambient magic and people. When the ward aren't actively fighting an intruder, the extra power has to go somewhere so why not store it to prevent the wards from being overpowered? When the sappers soak up all the ambient magic, the resevoir kicks in to fend off the attack.
     
  19. DarthBill

    DarthBill The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    Excellent chapter. Harry's not pussyfooting around anymore. Unless he transforms, first. Anyway, I look forward to the next chapter. Hopefully the Don will feel indebted to Harry and offer to look after Karina and Chico for him.
     
  20. slasheh

    slasheh Seventh Year

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    interesting insights into the future of the story, and your characters. I must admit i truly admire the way you describe them, they are indeed alive in your fics, which is a very important step in the process of becoming an outstanding author.

    in all honesty i would prefer it, if you stopped your second fic and focused solely on this, but then i am sure there are others which prefer darkness ;)
     
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