The 5th Wave

Also known as Divergent Hunger Maze. It has Chloe Grace Moretz and Liev Schreiber and all I can think of is the same thing I thought when I saw Jeff Daniels in the third Divergent film trailer: why?

Do we really need another film adaptation of a post Hunger Games YA series? My wish is that it flops at the box office, which it won't, because it's a YA adaptation of a book that sold well enough to have a film made and Chloe Grace Moretz is in it.

 

Does she really have that much cachet? I mean, I loved her in Kick Ass, but still...

 

That looks like a pile of shit and then some.

 

For fuck’s sake Liev, you’re a decent actor and married to Naomi Watts, if you’re bored just go fuck her, you don’t need this kind of shit.

And I’m 99% sure Chloe Moretz will be the new Emma Watson/Stone/Jennifer Lawrence internet queen. As soon as she stop making people feeling like pedos. Any moment now.

After the generic shit that was Kick Ass 2 (a shame, since Hit Girl was one of the only comics by Millar I enjoyed) and that pretentious shitty artsy movie (Clouds of something), I don’t have much hope for Moretz’s career.

 

Especially since he stars in Ray Donovan, right? Anyway, maybe it has something to do with his wife being in the Divergent movies. Or he's doing it for his kids or something. I could see that.

"Daddy, this book is so cool! Are you gonna be in the movie?"

"Honey, daddy is in a TV show and-"

"Oh please! Please please please!" *puppy dog eyes*

"...okay."

edit: some quick wikipedia-fu unearthed some bizarre facts: book was released in May 2013, but Columbia Pictures got the film rights to the entire trilogy in March 20-fucking-12. Jesus. Lionsgate had them fucking green with envy for a piece of the YA pie. And Spiderman of all people is one of the producers.

 

Hey now, Millar did Kingsman!

 

The first teaser for the Warcraft movie just hit. Nothing to really talk about beyond a couple of visuals. Some of the shots look pretty good but I fear the CGI-Heavy Orcs will look awful. I understand why they didn't go the LotR route but it worries me. Still, trailer comes out on Friday. We can have an actual conversation then.

EDIT:
Found a new poster as well. How the fuck do you pierce a tooth?

 

Magical Dentistry (AKA what Hermione masturbates to)

 

When there is magic, there is a way I guess

 

I don't see how that's very different to piercing a fingernail.

 

Why the fuck would you pierce a fingernail?

Is the movie based on WoW, specifically? I'm not very familiar with Blizzard games.

 

It's based on the Warcraft lore, not just WoW specifically.

 

Ah, alright. In any case, besides being based on Warcraft, it has little going for it that I can see. Nothing in the teaser impressed me. I kind of hated Fast 7 as a whole, but the practical stunts were amazing. CGI just can't beat those. Not yet, anyway. Trailer was too computer-generated.

The story (oh jesus) and actors' performances will make or break this film.

Is it too presumptuous of me to not give it the benefit of doubt?

 

Well, yes?

I think Blizzard in general deserves the benefit of the doubt when it comes to plot and cinematic videos. Yes, a 2 minute hype video isn't the same as a movie, but the Warcraft lore has such vast depth that a good choice is not hard to make, and Blizzard at least knows how to handle a good video.

If I trusted one gaming company to make a movie, it'd be Blizzard. My only concern is that Blizzard's boner for Orcs will burst through the screen and poke me in the eye.

 

No, because the WoW story and characters are shit anyway, so if the movie is good, it's basically an AU.

Though I get really tired of CGI hate.

As for why pierce a fingernail? That's a very good fucking question.

 

I trust Blizzard with the animation. I also trust them to make a polished as hell game.

I do not trust them to make genuinely interesting characters or a story that's even remotely rememberable.

As for OrcWank, well, AFAIK, they're going with the canon premise. So 90% of the Orcs should be tainted by demon blood while the ones still on Draenor should be 'good'.

I have noticed that you get real butthurt when IP holders try to move away from trashy black vs white dynamic between their factions and make things more realistic though, lol.

 

Well, a decent plot is part of a polished game, so I do give them the benefit of the doubt when it comes to that.

I'm not sure if you're trolling or not. Either way, this is stupid and if you think about it you'll understand why.

 

Rep, everything in the teaser looked like... Michael Bay's Fucking Awesome Orcs And Other Stuff. The hype for this is the visuals, right?

I'm not expecting this to be LotR, but there's also a right way to make a funny fantasy film. The whole WAR IS COMING GRRRRR and the teaser oozing LOOK, EPIC looks like movie will try to get serious instead of embracing how ridiculous Warcraft is. We're talking about orcs with tooth piercings.

 

The teaser looked good to me. Most sequences were with humans (which isn't necessarily the good part by itself, but at least it didn't focus on the orcs) and the scenes overall looked polished and epic.

I don't see why you feel this need to think it'll be bad. All we've seen so far points in the opposite direction. Sure, they can fuck it up, but we haven't seen any signs of it yet.

 

Disagree that plot has anything to do with polish. This is also the wrong thread for that discussion.

There was also nothing stupid about my point, we obviously just differ in opinion on what makes interesting stories.