I want an MPreg story where the butt-baby turns out to be a demonic monster and brutally murders both his fathers.

 

Lemon fics that have the female in question yell:

“AH, YOU'RE BREAKING ME!” she screamed, half out of her mind with pleasure, “NEVER STOP FUCKING ME YOU WONDERFUL BASTARD!”

Or something else to that effect.

 

You poor vanilla boy, you.

 

It has less to do with being "Vanilla" and more to do with the fact that it's a sign of bad lemon writing.

 

I think it's far worse when the author is obviously 'inspired' by Japanese doujinshi.

 

That reminds me of a fic I came across once. Harry kept refering to Tonks as Ne chan.

 

Did they have sex afterwards as well? :facepalm

 

No idea, I binned it before I finished the first chapter.

 

No Chan Ce

 

I think its more to do with the authors never having had sex, and thus not knowing how to write it.

 

Incorrect punctuation when writing speech, specifically the comma separating the speech from the actions. Every time I see something like this:

"Take me now Harry" moaned Draco.

It takes me right out of the story (horrible slash notwithstanding). Without that comma before the second quote mark in my head it sounds like the character speaks the sentence in a monotone voice and just stops abruptly.

 

How, exactly, does a comma at the end of the quotations imbue the voice of the speaker with emotion?

 

As odd as it sounds, I can't help but imagine the same thing when I come across it. It might be a manifestation of the fucks that I assume the writer didn't give, or something like that.

 

Because it's usually not only the comma at the end of the line, but also other missing interpunction. Without it, you have no measure of where are pauses in speech… a hesitation, or a connection between two thoughts. It's just a series of words, with no rhythm and usually coupled with absence of other things that make speech/dialogue interesting/real.

 

House-elves as butlers, maids, and what have you.

The elves are not to be seen and not to be heard. The only exceptions are Dobby who is unique and Kreacher who is deliberately being disobedient as far as he can be. We never see elves cleaning up in the dormitories or setting the table in the Great Hall or appearing at any point in public, and that's the point.

A good elf is an invisible one, who does his work so efficiently and silently that nobody ever sees him. I mean really, you think that when the Minister pays a visit to a pureblood estate he's greeted at the door and offered a brandy by an elf wearing a rag over its groin?

If a wealthy pureblood household has servants who are meant to be seen or regularly interact with the family/guests, then those servants are human. Hey, employment opportunities for Squibs!

 

I think Rowling shares the blame for this one. Remember the house-elf who Voldemort framed for the murder of the woman he stole the Hufflepuff cup from? She was fairly visible as well.

All in all mixed messages from the author. On the on hand she has said that house-elves are supposed to be invisible, on the other we have had three house-elves who were anything but... four if you count Winky.

 

They can't help typing those stories: Their fingers are moving on their own.

I hope you take responsibility. :awesome




@jZab That signature, lol...

 

I would read a slash fic like that.

 

Stories that say there haven't been friendships between Slytherin and Gryffindor for hundreds of years. Up until their fifth year, Snape and Lily were friends, it ended but it still happened....

 

Warlocke, Zel:

Eh, thanks, and I'd read one like that too. Harry practicing his cutting spells on Draco, the same way Rocky trained with pigs…

Oh well.