Skimmed through it on a whim, and it's awesomely bad . . . it's Plan Nine From Outer Space if Plan 9 were a crossover between Harry Potter and an F-grade mafia flick. New York's undisputed head of organized crime at age 15, Harry uses his vast influence to cancel screenings of Twilight and turn the mayor out of his office during a hostage crisis. He shakes down Diagon Alley vendors for protection money, holds a knife to Dumbledore's throat in the middle of the Great Hall, and threatens to stab Snape in the eye with a fork. Cho Chang gets described as "oriental," there's a mid-scene author's note to explain why rape is bad, and Harry takes rival gangsters and feeds them alive to his army of dinosaurs. Highly recommended.

 

This is even worse:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10808106/1/Vahan
no words can describe how much cancer is compressed in this fic. Mafia Harry ....well sort of

 

Fuck you man, fuck you.

 

Characters who lament their abilities. Just once I want to see a Fleur who is super smug about the fact that she is every wizard's wet dream and Tonks to revel in the fact she can have big tits on command. The crying Tonks "yur the first man to love me as I really am" is especially grating because Canon makes it plain Tonks loves being a metamorphmagus.

Doesn't require smut. Just have the two of them completely comfortable in their own skins.

 

Add Harry reveling in the fact that he is, actually, the centre of the universe for the wizarding britain and has many awesome, if underutilised abilities?

 

Why not. Before Hogwarts Harry thought his scar was awesome and he was pretty thrilled at the idea he could talk to snakes. There's no reason everyone had to know Harry's scar was magical or in any way related to voldemort killing Harry's parents: it could have been viewed by the wizarding world as a cool looking but otherwise mundane identifying mark. Instead it became a burden from day one.

So imagine Harry who thinks the scar is at most an evil wizard detector (cool!) until a few years into hogwarts, who gets in the papers for reasons other than malicious libel, and the Malfoy has been raised to understand his family is trying to get out of deep shit and so is all "OMG yur HARRY POTTER. You saved my father from a horrible curse and he would love to meet you, he's looking at brooms right now..."

Now combine that with how this might affect a young boy whose interaction with muggles has been absolute shit.

I'm Pretty Awesome!Harry is feasible, and done well would be quite fresh.

 

Generally, I dislike how pride in one's abilities seems to equate with arrogance, being a douchebag, and imminent beatdown.

Being proud of yourself is not a bad thing, nor is it a sign of negative character traits.

 

When an author feels the need to put "NOT SLASH" in the summary. Even if neither the summary nor the character listings even implies it. Also putting a pairing tag in the summary such as "Harry/Hermione" when the character listing is "[Harry P., Hermione G.]" and the genre is romance.

Actually, you know what? I hate any and all types of tags. This means no "Powerful!Harry" or "Weasley Bashing". If the story is slash then it should be reflected the character listing.

And, now for whole genres that annoy me: Angst/HurtComfort/Tragedy. These make for an extremely depressing read but can work well as a oneshot.

 

Not slash is a necessary tag on ffnet if only to cut out 99% of reviews demanding you pair Harry draco.

 

Well, one of the reasons I say that is when I'm scrolling through summaries, the only word that stands out to me is "slash" and I'm pretty sure I failed to notice the "not" part.

 

This reminds of a time when I was new to FFnet. There was a fic with Harry and Drago listed as characters, but the summary explicitly said "NO HP/DM" and the story itself seemed half interesting.

The first chapter had Harry nearly ass-raping Malfoy while he (Harry) was sleeping and dreaming about Ron (whom he was dating).

So yeah, the "NO-SLASH" is necessary and not always sufficient.

 

Truly a necessary evil, and one I'm very thankful for.

 

Well he was speaking the truth wasn't he? Ivan Drago wasn't getting with Harry.

 

Oh god, not Corvo. I only ever read one Harry Potter referred to by that name: a WBWL fic where Harry ends up adopted by Bellatrix Lestrange of all people.

I feel ashamed I ever read that, thing, during my WBWL Phase. I could fill this entire thread using nothing but that one story.

 

Modern AU, never seen a good one. Perhaps it's my fault for not looking too hard. But I think not.

For example, I decided to see what I'd find by going on AO3 and searching the HP fandom for stories without m/m sorted by kudos(likes). The first story to pop up was posted 15 days ago and already has ~5k kudos. It's a Text(Script) Fic, only without names, just formatted text and time stamps.

123,093 words of this.

 

AO3 is a bit of a peeve of mine simply because it's not user friendly. Most of the decent fics are either here at DLP of ff.net. if you can't find what your looking for here or there it probably doesn't exist.
Also many times the decent fics that are on AO3 are also posted on ff.net.

 

Holy shit. If there was ever a sign that a writer can't convey what's going on very well this was it.

 

/r9k/Elsa is Suffering is the only good modern AU fic I've ever read.

 

"Dumbles", "Voldy", or any name along those lines.

 

Right/Rite

I'm so tired of seeing writers writing "right" when the right word is "rite."

If the thing is a ritual it isn't perpetual, so writing rite would keep your shit tight, while whether by heritage, privilege, or some kind of leverage, one's right is a right most every day and every night.

--

"Shock and awe"

Please, stop. :facepalm

These words can be used separately. They should be used separately. Apparently the U.S. of A. has raised a generation of kids who think these three words are one compound word, because of our little grudge match with Saddam.

I'm so tired of seeing this phrase in HP fan fic for so many reasons, not the least of which being that unironic use of it denotes a distinct lack of independent thought that using idioms with a more... mature vintage does not.

(And, yes, I realize the phrase/doctrine itself is old, but I sincerely doubt many fan fic writers are getting it anywhere but from our little scuffle in 2003.)

"Don't make me agnry; you wouldn't like me when I'm agnry."

Seriously, the grammar alone made me hurt. The dialogue was awful ("You damn well I'm angry." Who talks like that? No one? Then why did you write it!?). The typo was just the icing on the cake.

Well... they are Harry's gonads we're talking about.