I got about three chapters into a non-DLP worthy "writing for my own humor" crack-ish story along those lines. Not much to read, but might kill some time for you.

 

Basement by TheAlmightySun reviews
"There is no such thing as magic," Uncle Vernon had said. But there is. There's gotta be... AU/Child Abuse/Mental Abuse/Torture/Starvation/Phycological Torture/Strong Violence/Descriptive. Summer before fifth, Vernon manages to convince Harry that Hogwarts has been a fantasy invented by him, as an abused child seeking mental refuge from his tormentors. How? Why? What happens next?
Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,433 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 27 - Updated: Jan 14 - Published: Dec 14, 2015 - Harry P., Vernon D.

Wow, just...wow.

 

Stranger than the Wild
What's worse than having one boy whose oblivious to your feelings? I'll give you a hint: It involves addition and angst. Saku/Naru/Sasu F/M/M 3Plus

The worst things you can possibly have in a relationship mathematics and angst.

 

Pretty good summary.

 

I feel like there should be a tags section that's noticeably separate from the summary so they stop looking like a complete mess.

 

It's a freaking mess...

 

And end up like AO3, where if a character is mentioned they'll appear in the tags? I dunno, man.

 

Max custom tags = 4. Solved.

 

Hint - Buttsex. Tolkien was wrong about the buttsex.

The Black Mambo - The cultural dance of the Orcs.

Given that the actual 'story' isn't much longer than the summary I dunno if this really counts as a spoiler.

Let this be a lesson, LotR + fanfiction = cancer.

 

You know, I just realised this.

And done. 95% of fanfiction (and of this thred) is covered.

 

How?
Shit story, perhaps, but good summary.

 

Personally I dislike this: AU/Child Abuse/Mental Abuse/Torture/Starvation/Phycological Torture/Strong Violence/Descriptive.

All this could've been summed up by the M rating and a warning of mature themes. Eh, I don't think it's worth debating so let's agree to disagree in the case you weren't convinced.

 

Well it does help people that like those kinds of stories to find them. I find that most stories that tag like that though are garbage. All the greats I've read have had proper summaries.

 

Yeah, I have no issues with obviously bad stories, they are easy to ignore. Much worse are stories that are superficially okay (good grammar, interesting sounding premise in the summary, etc), but then, ten thousand words to the story, a misunderstood Snape jumps out of nowhere to mother Harry who only then reveals the terrible scars he has been hiding with accidental magic...

The worst summaries are the best summaries. They are upfront with the actual content of the story.

 

Hufflepuffs Can't Mix With Slytherins Can They? by GermanPikachu reviews Francheska, or Ches, is a really shy hufflepuff who happens to stutter whenever a new person talks to her. Draco the ultimate bad ass, starts to fall for her, unknowingly. Can Ches help Draco go to the good side? I don't own HP. HP belongs to J.K. RowlingRated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 68 - Words: 104,430 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 6h ago - Published: Aug 6, 2011 - Draco M.

Hmm I can sense some wish fulfillment...

 

Words that should never appear in the same sentence.

 

Ever had pets?

Ever see one cat/dog vomit, and then one of the others decides, "That looks delicious. I think I'll eat it!"

That's how all of fan fiction's worst and most tenacious clichés happen. One person vomits up an idea, and a whole slew of readers eat it up and decide that morsel is worth building their own story around.

Then they vomit it up again, so that it can be gobbled up by someone else with no self respect.

I'd call the way ideas get passed back and forth in the fan fic writing community 'incestuous,' but at least with incest, you're probably getting something that hasn't been eaten by everyone else already... and wasn't necessarily vomit to begin with.

Either way, do it enough and sooner or later you're guaranteed to end up with something stupid.

And sick.

Ugly, too.

 

Criminal by The Gambler's Apprentice reviews
This is a strong powerful Harry, I'm willing to make Harry have a Harem if their is someone who you particularly want him to be with I will make a poll. As the title says Harry is a criminal a wise guy like Capone only more successful and he will remember to pay his taxes, so I'll make you an offer you can't refuse read my story and review it,or you will be sleeping with the fishes
Rated: M - English - Angst/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,718 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8h ago

We were warned.

...to be fair, being fish food doesn't sound so bad if the alternative is that.

 

This is the best part.

 

He/She is not even trying here.