RThomas However, 2/5 equals Trash Bin. I don't think a fic which you "liked for the most part" deserves to be rated as if it belongs in the Trash Bin.

 

I really really wanted to like this fic, but I just couldn't get past chapter 20ish or so. The premise could have been interesting, but the abrupt personality change was jarring and not properly developed. This story had potential, but it's just not for me. 2/5

User was warned for this post.
Post is incredibly generic and could refer to a lot of fics. Nothing in it makes me think you actually read this. Do better.
~Ched

 

In my opinion, this fic is somewhat 'good' , atleast compared to other fics based on this pairing. The plot is 'believable' but at times it feels like the author has 'jumped' some part and is now just trying to end the story (particularly in the last few chapters).

And as for rating, i would say 3/5 , but still good for light reading ( atleast i found it so).

User was warned for this post.
Post is incredibly generic and could refer to a lot of fics. Nothing in it makes me think you actually read this. Do better.
~Ched

 

The thing that keeps me reading at this point is the incredible update rate and my tendency to think I have far more time to waste than I actually do. I don't believe I have to talk about how low this story sinks every once in a while and quote some of the more horrendous dialogue pieces at this point in this thread's lifespan. However, I think how the author kills of his high points regularly does merit discussion.

Harry's interactions with Snape were interesting and quite refreshing after that horrible slog of a summer, cliché or not. This is not, after all, supposed to be exemplary of high enthusiast-literature but something to keep me occupied while on the toilet. Harry's whole "but I'm going to kill him... tomorrow" shtick was annoying but I had come to accept it, assuming the author would mine the potential that came with their mediocre verbal dance to develop Snape and/or their relationship and then kill him if he had to towards June. Instead Harry kills him 3 chapters in for an adequate but poorly conveyed reason as the author forced us into accepting he would... And then he did not. This does not a good plot twist make. The author took the expected enjoyable (if clichéd as all hell) part out and exchanged one mediocre plot point for a more mediocre one. How do you even manage to get more mediocre than Dark!Harry-kills-Snape?!

Katie's quirks and functioning alcoholism did entertain me. However, we had to have Harry date the veela because Harry are now winner. You know, I can sort of understand both what the author tried to pull with Harry-Fleur and an unsuccessful first relationship (even though Harry is a 3-year younger teenage boy and therefore probable to be around 5 years less mature than both of his romantic interests. Oh wait, incapability to forgive and a painfully eidetic memory apparently make you mature enough to learn everything you can from Salazar Slytherin and his private library in 2 years while going to school and attending a life-threatening tournament, committing murder on the side.) But first of all, reading Katie's tentative interaction with Harry actually makes me feel like I'm the one who's trying to get back with an ex who's in a happy relationship with someone else. And no, any fresh new authors reading this for whatever reason; you don't want your readers to feel like that.

Secondly, Fleur is a horribly underdeveloped character. Riddle me this, DarknessEnthroned; how do you reconcile how Fleur is described as extremely ambitious and proud due to her troubled teenage years (which in and of itself is cliché but we'll go with it because it makes an iota of sense) and wants to be great to the point where she's suddenly completely ok with cold-blooded murder (Skeeter, not the death eaters) by her partner... and how she has been sitting inside a fidelius'ed house doing practically NOTHING except picking up furniture for what half a year now? I'm not coming at this from a gender-equality standpoint either, I just don't get how you write someone as ambitious&proud and then have them do nothing except not be morally offended but rather aroused by Harry dabbling in arcane plot devices and asking her to quit her career that she could never get back to because he is worried about her. She's obviously written as talented, can we have her do something other than tweak the wards beneath something practically impenetrable (I fail to see how Voldemort won't think of Gabrielle when Harry is known to be dating Fleur, but the author seems pretty convinced that it's fucking foolproof)? Have equally morally ambiguous goals, fight alongside Harry, have someone important to her die or sacrifice themselves, be successful at something other than magical nursery... Any reason for us to believe Fleur is actually like Harry and that they therefore get along? Have Harry encourage Fleur when Fleur feels unsure about some morally ambiguous deed she committed? Or can we just admit that Fleur is attracted to power and a talented witch with very little actual drive and move on from there?

Salazar was one of the main things I liked about this fic early on that I can actually remember. He was sarcastic, arrogant, and kind of a dick; he also genuinely cared, was quite lonely, and showed some actual depth instead of being a historical precursor to magical bigotry with no inkling of humanity. Being sarcastic, arrogant, and kind of a dick; though with far less talent and accomplishments under my belt; I can relate to this character. Now, I do believe killing the mentor was justifiable, seeing as he was (apparently) losing hope on finding portraits of his friends and had (apparently) finished Harry's training in 2 measly years and (apparently) needed to be sacrificed to protect the chamber and the author is (unsuccessfully... and apparently) trying to set up a cadmean victory. Having us feel any of the aforementioned happening, previously mentioning how Salazar was losing hope on point 1 or how Harry was progressing rapidly on point 2 or how the chamber needs sealing during this war unlike the last or having them look for a suitable sacrifice and despair at not finding anything before Salazar sacrifices himself?

The last part where Voldemort attacked Azkaban actually showed a modicum of strategy. Sure, Dementors switch sides (though they don't appear to have done so in the 1st war so it was perhaps a legitimate surprise in-universe). Instead of the typical quoting of exact army sizes and having either stalemates or guaranteed overwhelming victory for either side because apparently everyone tips their entire hand; we had Voldemort commit to actual risk sending his entire army out to assault a highly fortified castle. We had some description of vital points to capture. The worst part is that that was probably entirely unintentional and the author wanted a complete victory for one side to paint Dumbledore as indifferent and incompetent and remind us that the Ministry actually are both of those things. Maybe glorify the author's complete misunderstanding of Machiavellan thinking. Show Voldemort as a glorious dick because he let what appears to be hundreds of his followers die before he bothered taking action even though the way he wrote it makes it far more likely Voldemort had to change his plans, perhaps stall negotiations with the Dementors while he had to preserve his army for long enough. Doesn't matter; I read a fanfiction with a battle where the flow of the battle changed multiple times, where things did not go according to either side's plan... if one with a hefty and anticlimactic conclusion.

And we will never get anything like this ever again, because god dammit the Order has (counts the number of war-qualified Weasleys of the top of his head) 10 members including Dumbledore now. Ten. And apparently the Ministry has like, zero. Zero. Aside from the obvious question of "then why the fuck is Voldemort not immediately moving for the ministry, injured men assumed capable of beating none?" (and no, Dumbledore is not an answer. No master warrior could beat an army down.) ... Why exactly is this the case aside from the obvious Harry-beats-down-an-army sequence (ditto previous parentheses). Ugh.

Good concepts, terrible execution, terrible understanding of human psychology or ethical philosophy or the theory of "cool people", terrible waste of potential, randomly stumbles on good plot points.

3/5, I need something to read while on the shitter/eating/smoking and want to keep my brain somewhat stimulated and it updates like stupid fast.

TL;DR: The Salazar paragraph is kind of funny in comparison to the average tripe I write to pass off as sarcastic comedy. At least when read in a funny voice.

 

I enjoy it for its length and the Fleur pairing. There's also some interesting and reasonably close to canon magic being used by Harry, so that's a plus.

Character development (at least past the first few chapters) would have been a pro if the author showed us the differences over time instead of repeatedly telling the reader what was going on and ruining the immersion. It made the Golden Trio split seem shoehorned in for the sake of writing about different characters.

The whole "Harry is eerily similar to Tom Riddle" thing is annoying too because it makes Harry seem like a Tom Riddle 2.0 when he really isn't, at all. But overall, I enjoy it and read every new chapter to see if it lives up to the title. Wish there was a more interesting conflict though.

3.5/5

 

Love the A/N for the new chapter...

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Harry's uncaring attitude is starting to wear on even me unfortunately.

 

Just a thing I thought about recently: When Harry knows that Salazar still exists somewhere (which is a requirement for the Hallow to work), then why does he fear death so much? I mean, it can't be "being nothing" as it was written in the story if I remember correctly.

However, to me, this only seems to be another way for the author to show similarities between Harry and Voldemort. I can't see any other point to it.

 

When put this way I guess it's just a plot hole.

 

With each chapter I like this Harry and therefore this fic less. Harry is determinded in his opinions and does not even think about his ideas and desicons. I think he is intended to appear willing to do everything but in my opinion he simply is stupid and naive. Not all what he thinks is necessary bad but he simply has zero self reflection which makes him annoying and pretty one dimisional.

Additionally does the author miss good moments to negate this flaw. When Harry heard what Snapes "death" caused he could have had regrets or he could think about his opinions on dead after his talk with Dumbledor but the author simply decides its sadly not needed.

 

I don't mean shallow as in 'Wow, isn't she pretty' I mean the characterization of Fleur isn't very well fleshed out. As of right now, most of her personality traits don't just revolve around being a girlfriend, but being The Ideal!girlfriend. She is not just foreign and exotic, she is The most beautiful, the most talented (which, according to this story, she is equal to Harry who is equal to Voldemort who is generally accepted to being on par with Dumbledoor), perfectly devoted, compassionately accepting, understanding, supportive, forgiving, etc. girlfriend. Her flaws amount to what, a taste for sweets, a possessiveness for boyfriend that does not interfere with boyfriend's friendships and...a desire for nice furniture? Is it something an Ideal girlfriend would do? Fleur does it. Moves away, quits her job, is sexy, quietly throws away priceless gifts so Harry won't be jealous, becomes a homebody, cooks food, does his laundry, and Obsessively cherishes a memory of a child obsessing over how pretty she is her Despite having to constantly deal with people obsessing over her, (I mean seriously, it's something she hated for years, that isolated her, that cut her off from anything resembling friendship and....suddenly....That's the thing she gets off on? Does that seem reasonable?)

Fleur no longer has any true faults or quirks. Other characters can't really interact with her because there is nothing really there to interact with. There is nothing left about her character to sympathize with or connect to, she's just.... flat.

Now, if she had died or left way back when the relationship was fresh and new, that lack of character would have been okay. Harry is a teenager just trying to figure himself out, it gives him an excuse to create an idea of Fleur that is based more in exposition than in reality. Fleur would have been like this because Fleur is perfect and this is what a perfect girlfriend is, (i.e. not because of who Fleur actually is, but a fractured, emotional-charged memory getting unfortunately entangled with an impossible ideal)

 

Ah, I see. On that I can agree with you, he wasn't really good at characterizing her at the beggining and it got even worse as chapters went by, hell, I said in this same thread that he should've killed her about twenty or thirty chapters ago. It wouldn't be a wise choice anymore, but I get your point of trophy!wife.

 

Unless death temporarily ceases to be nothingness or the person called upon is some sort of imprint. They can be nonexistent or unconscious when it is not used as well. I dont expect such philosophy from this author but that can tie that up. Nonexistence from Harry's perspective might also be unability to think and act, as opposed to complete annihilation it is a permanent cease of all faculties that is either temporarily halted by the Hallow or the Hallow imitates such a halting. From Harry's perpesctive it would still be nothingness but universally he would exist.

 

Well I guess you could interpret nothingness as no impact on this plain of existence. That to Harry would be pretty awful.

 

Well, the author is doing something right, if we're still talking about this story now.

I take it that nothing's changed with this fic? I remember reading up to chapter 20-something.

 

Well for me it's the only story that fits this niche I've found that I haven't read yet. I believe that's the reason most of us still talk about it. The update rate makes it's lesser quality bearable though, a lot more. It's a shame too because 20 or 30 chapters ago I was feeling closer to 5 stars than I do now which is like a 3 at best. Ever since summer started the story has been going down hill, it had a few up beats when school came back but it's still on a slow decline.

EDIT: New chapter (93) was pretty good actually - for me. Didn't do much but what it did do I felt it did pretty well. Better than some of the recent chapters any way.

EDIT: Wow, I did NOT see that coming, at least not that way, in the new chapter (94). I like how it was done though, I actually feel that was done well.

 

Chapter 94 was a huge turn. It seems like the fic is ending soon.

I have to agree on what ledballoon said, Fleur feels like an idealized trophy!wife. I felt that after she and Harry got together, she becomes increasingly flat.

 

Yeah it's a real shame her character hasn't been expanded on at all. I mean since she's his 'equal' I'm not even against her having a bunch of screen time away from Harry just to help have her DO something.

 

I get the title, but I really hope that

Spoiler

Katie lives

 

yeah, now that worked out well.

But Harrys reaction regarding Dumbeldor... There are a few flaws in his logic... a few very big flaws.

 

I thought so too, Harry jumped to quite a few far-fetched conclusions and the entire thing felt really shoehorned. I'll follow his train of thought as far as

Spoiler

Katie being Malfoy's intended target, but assuming that Dumbledore knew and condoned this assassination

is such a huge leap of logic...