I can definitely see this already prepared for in canon - now I read this summary it seems almost ridiculously obvious!
I mean, Lily had red hair. RED! HAIR! That's practically screaming "God Queen of Hell" in your face.

By the way, "God of Hell" has such a nice ring to it, don't you agree?

 

Oh my actual god.

Yes, you read that right.

The Enterprise has a name and it's Harry Potter.

 

LMAO. What the fuck. I'm not even mad I'm just impressed.

 

Unitas Coven by MoreThanJustLabels reviews
Lunar Harmony - Dumbledore's manipulations of Harry (and Hermione) have lead to an impossible situation. The Power's intercede and the trio is sent back to Hermione's 11th birthday without future knowledge where they receive several shocks. fem!Harry femslash metamorph!Harry Time travel [limited knowledge] grey/evil!dumbledore bash!Ron, Ginny, Molly, Wealsley in general


The Rise of Potter-Black by xoxlollipopxox reviews
No one knows what went wrong with Hadrian James Potter-Black. Certainly not Heath Potter, the boy-who-lived. How could his own brother be a Slytherin? Be so Dark? Granted, Heath rarely interacted with Hadrian. But it's bad enough that he's fated to defeat the most powerful Dark Lord in centuries. But is fate really so cruel that he has to also fight against his own brother?

 

Malevolence by ArielKidd
"Do you remember, princess? What it's like to love us?" But she didn't remember. Because they had stolen her memories. And because she did not love them. Ever. And they did not love her. For she was nothing more than a filthy mudblood. And they would destroy her. Dark!DRACO& BLAISE/HERMIONE. Romance/Angst/Violence/Threesome/Harassment/Humil/Smut DRAMIONAISE

 

Black fetish porn + DRAMIONAISE. This story has it all.

 

Dramionaise sounds like expensive kind of mayonnaise.

 

Expensive mayonnaise that gives you wicked diarrhea afterwards.

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When You Touch Me by Steppenwoelfin reviews
Severus Snape is forced to marry a mute Harry Potter, who has lost his voice after his latest clash with Voldemort. It is through touch, in many senses, that Severus and Harry slowly get to know each other...Chapter 46 posted!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 48 - Words: 71,822 - Reviews: 2607 - Favs: 2,462 - Follows: 3,649 - Updated: Feb 1 - Published: Nov 22, 2008 - Harry P., Severus S.

I am at a loss for words at how to describe this travesty.

 

What I really hate are the 2000 reviews.

 

That is, without a doubt, the gayest summary I've ever read. I like how just because Harry can't talk he has to communicate by touching. "I can't understand you Mr. Potter, let me just legilimens your prostate with my one eyed monster. Stop squirming around, full contact is the only way for us to 'talk'. The pain you feel now is a result of your loss, embrace the PAIN MR. POTTER! Crying is perfectly natural, just let it all out(or in heh). AND THEN THEY ALL BECAME SUPER PREGNANT THE END

 

That fits perfectly with the fic right here as well.


Against His Nature
Severus has just turned 38, and if the Ministry have anything to say he won't reach 39 unless he can tame his wild nature and capture his mate. Anal, Angst

 

The Great Emperor by Kuroki94 reviews
After he love got reject he went to Dimension Gap, the place he pick up the fight the mighty dragon everyone feared The Great Red. Later he dissapear without leafy a message and went to earth to live like human and that place also he found news love.

 

I really hope English is this guys fourth or fifth language.

 

According to ffnet the guy is from Malaysia. Go figure.

 

I wonder if some of theses guys write in their native language and then use google translate before posting? It would at the very least explain why they post crap like that.

 

German to english:
"I think google translate significantly provides better results when we get to read here."
Yeah google translate sucks balls. The upside is, that it turns every story into a comedy.

 

It's been some time since I've posted here, so I wanted my return to be glorious.

harry potter and the pink object by lordmortis99
Young harry potter finds the pleasure of a dildo.
Rated: M - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 590 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7h ago - Harry P.

Short and to the point.

 

Chapters: 2 - Words: 590. Damn I wish Prince of the Dark Kingdom had 4150 300 word chapters instead of the ~150.

 

Pleased to Meet You, Miss Washington by Queen of Grammar Athena Potter (Fem!Harry) finds herself in the company of General George Washington during the year 1770 when just five years old, and ends up getting adopted by him. Now, an 11 year old sassmaster, Athena Washington, is hitting Hogwarts, better prepared and with no plans to take anything from anyone while lying down. Dumbles will not know what hit him. Fem!Harry/CedricRated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,681 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 10 - Published: 6h ago - [Harry P., Cedric D.] [Colin C., Susan B.]

I had to reread it three times to make sure I'd read it right.

 

I just had to read this. One compliment to start it off is that it is definitely unique. An immediate flaw- changing Lily's name to Lillian, it's like... Why? Lily is a perfectly good name and changing it totally ruins the flower name thing Petunia and her had going on. Second flaw, ending the journal entries with signing off, somehow George Washington is also a starfleet captain. The third strike was her being an animagus by 9 and starting her magical schooling two years before. I couldn't even get to the opening scene.

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It is with a tad more reading that I also learn she is an animagus with multiple forms, one of which is a Fire-Phoenix...