As guilty pleasures go, I feel there's nothing wrong with a simple, gratuitous, curbstomp every once in a while: Whether reading it or writing it.

If there is any realm in which that notion could be put to the test, it's fan fiction.

 

My first fanfic, a modern day Naruto AU, dealing with genetically engineered assassins to give them chakra abilities. It started with Naruto having escaped the organization that created him and try to camouflage himself by living with normal people while getting involved with shit that kept happening around him, some of which was related to his past and some... not.

A concept wasted on that fandom.

 

It was a joke (not a very good one, it seems)

Edit: There's also an old idea of mine trying to mix Bleach and Naruto in a single universe. Bad ideas were sprouting like mushrooms.

 

I remember I had an idea a while back based off the fact that Orochimaru never got killed off or anything during the climax of Naruto. (Spoilers, by the way, I guess). Anyway, I got the notion that he'd probably go back to his genetic experiments, trying to play god, attempting to perfect immortality - and it looks like canon now agrees with me on at least one of those three counts - and the world would just kind of forget about him as it moved forwards. By the time the technology of the world hit our levels, Orochimaru would once again be leader of his own nation or something, transplanting his soul into each successive democratically elected leader (since a dictatorship would draw too much attention in a modern setting) and trying to genetically engineer the perfect "final body" as a receptacle for his soul. Who would then be the main character.

...As you can probably tell, I'm still kind of enamored with this idea, and I have to convince myself not to write it every month or so because it just turns into an awful mess when I try it. I mean, just the number of cliches would be astounding:
- I'd need an OC unless I have Orochimaru clone a main character, due to the time gap.
- The OC would need to have a ton of world-breaking kekkei genkais, since Orochimaru's kind of obsessed with that sort of thing.
- This would make the OC ridiculously OP compared to just about every other character. Which they'd have to be to take on a 400-year-old Orochimaru, but still.
- Orochimaru'd have to wear the idiot ball on a necklace in order for him to put the MC in a situation where they didn't know about what he'd do to them (like many canon characters did), and also were disloyal or distrusting enough towards him to rebel after finding out.

And so on. Don't know why I'm going into this much detail. Just trying to purge the plot bunnies, I guess.

 

EDIT: I derped

I think my worst idea was that Harry, after the TWT, realises that because of the Basilisk blood in his veins he is immune to poisons because... Reasons. Because of this, he is able to sculpt the parts of other magical beasts onto his body because... I don't actually know why having basilisk blood in him could do that. I'm sure there was a reason in my mind somewhere, but it was years ago, so I've forgotten. Anyway, add a smattering of Manipulative!Dumbledore and incredibly incompetent Order of the Phoenix, and you've got yourself a nice and terrible fic.

Apart from that, all I really remember is that he could:
Eject a stinger from his forearm
Move at super speeds and have amazing reflexes Etc. Etc.
Breath fire.

Obviously it was terrible, but thankfully, I've since sense and deleted it from both the internet and my computer.

 

I had an idea for mixing in vampires into HP. I had an old, super badass vamp teach Harry how to be an aristocrat in the worst indy summer fic fashion. Harry learned incredible magic, swordsmanship, French and dancing. Hermione helped with that last one, because it was my Harmony shipper phase (in my defense, I was 13).

The vampire had been exiled from Transylvania for being too awesome, had a friend living in a giant estste in France who was a rare treasure hoarder. This friend was in possession of an artifact that was capable of revealing Voldemort's immortality secret, which was the forgotten magic of necromancy.

The whole thing was influenced by Queen of the Damned (the movie) and Van Helsing.

And I wrote 80k words of it and published it on a blog. Oh, the shame.

 

Hey guys, what if Harry Potter had a Sharingan?

 

A 30-year-old virgin Muggle becomes a wizard.

 

It's been done. Multiple times.

 

Self-Insert Fics really suck

 

In the early years of their reign, the Pevensies fret about their geopolitical clout after visiting Calormene dignitaries insult Narnia's lack of a visible national culture; consequently, Lucy and Mr. Tumnus go traipsing around the countryside collecting traditional Narnian songs, acting like jackass upper-class Victorian scholars, and forming offensively paternalistic theories about their informants and the providence of the material.

Would be funny only to those with some very narrow academic interests.

 

Whoooooooooosh.

 

Mine was a Harry/Bruce Almighty crossover that took place in Goblet of Fire in which Morgan Freeman played Merlin and (After Harry shouted at the heavens for a bit) talked to Harry and gave him Omnipotency and God's duties. It was mainly a comedy and had events such as Harry receiving people's wishes in the form of howlers and Floo Calls.

I chose to set it in Fourth Year since Voldemort was still pretty much dead and Harry could curbstomp the TWT (A big guilty pleasure of mine).