Something I find amusing and terrible all at once is when writers labour under the mistaken impression that people can voluntarily blush.

Strangely, I've seen this happen quite a lot. When Harry - or whoever - is hiding his true self or agenda and wants to appear embarrassed, we're told "Harry pretended to blush".

Today I saw a strange variation of this where the protagonist made themselves sweat in order to make it seem like the task they were doing took a lot of effort. Just... spontaneous sweating.

What's next, forcing your stomach to growl?

 

Impressive. I've not come across that yet, the only thing I have come across blush related is Tonks being able to control it through her metamorph skills. Which is kinda cool I guess, if ultimately unimportant.

 

This is already a thing. All the character has to do in order for this to happen on cue is mention or think about food and *poof* a loudly growling stomach that everybody can hear no matter where they are in the room.

 

Harry is obviously a Metamorphmagus.

 

I actually tend to like this though. I usually want at least a romantic subplot in the fics I read and I usually like fics that are canon up until the story starts then diverge. Therefore I like the couple to get together almost right away so I don't have to suffer through the stupid teenage angst for 100k+ words. I really hate the whole will they won't they thing. Harry being the moody person he sometimes is and falling for some girl but not doing anything because he doesn't think he is good enough or he is scared because it's his best mates sister (H/G) or scared because he doesn't want to ruin things with his best friend (H/Hr) or for any other stupid reason. Just stop the stupid angst, make the characters start dating and move on with the rest of the plot of the story!

Why do so many people love making Harry a Metamorphmagus? It was an ok idea the first time I read it but it seems to appear everywhere. Harry usually ends up being really OOC in these stories as well.

 

OH HI I KNOW YOU

*ahem* I blame Rowling for this really. She treats most* girls who are interested in boys and whatnot as trash in her books, so it's not surprising that she attracts that kind of fan.

*i.e. if they're not Ginny, and even Ginny has Ron huffing and puffing about her having one (one!) boyfriend each year.

 

I always felt that was just another manifestation of Ron's jealous tendencies because by Half Blood Prince Ginny had already gone on a date with Neville and had dated Micheal and was dating Dean. Ron at that point had only had the failed date with Padma. Harry's relationship with Cho was a disaster but I think in Ron's mind it was still more than he had and like Ginny threw at him "even Hermione had snogged Viktor Krum" I do think Ron was genuinely protective of his sister but a lot of it was just a cover for him lashing out. If I remember correctly he wasn't as focused on Ginny's love life after he got distracted by his relationship with Lavender.

I do have to agree that the puritarianism is a problem in fanfiction and it isn't realistic but I don't think it is usually Ginny who is like that. I thought it was usually her older brothers who try to "protect her virtue." Also Molly in fanfiction is usually either evil and trying to give Harry love and lust potions so that he can get Ginny pregnant then when he dies like evil!Dumbledore says he will, they get all his inheritance OR we get super protective Molly who goes out of her way to make sure H/G spend no alone time together or try and split them up because they are getting too serious about each other when they are too young.

 

I once read a Fic where Harry was a Metamorphmagus, Tonks was aged down to be Harry's age, they both could usually control their own blushing, and either of them blushing accidentally was described as the equivalent of peeing in their pants.

And that didn't even crack the top ten reasons why I hated that Fic.

 

The choice of the word "pretended" is poor, because one could conceivably "force" themselves to blush by recalling something that embarrassed them, especially if they embarrass easily. One could do the same with arousal by thinking of something arousing, under normal circumstances (under duress, not so easy).

But "pretending" to blush? No. Unless they're slapping their cheeks red when no one is looking.

The sweating is pretty inexplicable, though.

Yeah; one step away from charging money for it, that one was.

 

Sadly I've somehow come across stories where apparently it's easier.

 

That's actually not what I meant, I meant shipping as in 'I like Harry, I like Hermione. They'll be together'. 'Draco is awesome. Drarry' — creating relationships based on your preferences regardless of whether it's in character (in the story, not relative to canon) and where the existence of the relationship is main driving force behind the story.

 

I absolutely hate this: "Harry was stood by the window".
Unless Harry was hit with a Petrificus Totalus and someone propped him by the window he was STANDING there.
Is this some new tense in English? I've been seeing it a lot recenty along with "was sat" and I can't stand it.

 

That's the passive tense, and you're not alone in being annoyed by it: catching and eliminating usage of the passive tense is quite important in creative writing, for the sake of everyone's sanity.

 

Yes, but wouldn't such usage imply that Harry was placed there by someone else? Then it would make sense. But the way I see it being used in fics is in place of "was standing".

 

Good ol' DLP. Teaching me something exists then teaching me to hate it immediately.

EDIT: Eh, I can't truly hate all of those examples. Like this one,

Take the 'the' before bad out of the sentence and I don't think it's all that horrible.

'He felt like complaining', also isn't too bad. To me anyway. Maybe my brain has just been rot by too much fanfiction over the years though.

 

Without a doubt, one of my least favourite things is probably when a writer treats Fred and George as two halves of the exact same person, never bothering to distinguish them from each other - especially given that in the books, Harry can tell Fred and George about from the beginning, and while they might fool people in a hurry now and then, they're obviously distinguishable.

The other pet peeve is to do with any treatment of Peter Pettigrew, honestly. The reason I've never been able to get into and enjoy a Marauders' Era fic is partly because he's so terribly characterized or because he's shoved into a corner. Like, I'm aware that his character at school isn't clearly laid out in canon, but he was obviously somehow likeable to James, Sirius and Remus, or they wouldn't have been friends with him in the first place.

 

So that's what that is.

I've killed entire chapters I've written because the writing felt dead. Now I know why.

 

Thisss. Anyone who has spent time around twins will eventually find quirks that can be used to tell them apart. Even identical twins.

 

My mother's an identical twin, and she and my aunt couldn't be more different. Twenty years living on opposite sides of the world has made them look different, as well.

However, they do have that spooky twin thing. My aunt would call Australia from 10,000 miles away, landline, round about the time the internet was taking off and 15-20 years before smart phones, to ask after me or my sister when we were unwell. Without fail - she'd just know.

 

Almost always present tense is better.

"Bad teenagers in the neighborhood frequented the playground to sell drugs."

The key is "spent time around." It's one of the issues I'm having with my story in the WbA right now. How long does it take Fleur to learn to tell them apart when she spends very little time around them.

Of course, at least in the movies, they are supposed to look similar enough that they can fool their own mother for a few seconds, at least. More than one joke's based on their similarity. I don't remember if it was in the books, however.