Had you read past the first chapter, you'd have found out all of Tim's (Jeconais) reasons for portraying Gabrielle as he does. The reason she acts so mature towards other people is exactly what you said: she Mated herself to someone at the age of eight. The way that Tim has developed the concept of Mating for Veela would change anyone into a more mature person, especially when they make that decision at the age of eight. I can understand why you have reservations about characters suddenly acting much more mature than their own age, but to be honest, Gabrielle could be one of those teenagers who have that sort of attitude. I know a 14 year-old who acts more mature than a 22 year-old (me) a majority of the time. It's all about the person's personality, maturity, and outlook on life.

Look at Sirius in OotP, if you want a good example. You could equate his apparent age with Harry's in that book. He makes rash decisions, and ultimately gets himself killed because he can't grow up and realize that he's better off inside Grimmauld Place instead of out on the front lines. Or that he's better off finishing someone in a duel rather than taunting them; that's juvenile, right there.

I'd assume that you missed the part where Gabrielle gets a lecture from her grandmother about Mating; possibly the sobering realization of what she's done hit her at that moment, or when she got violently ill when Harry was with another woman sexually? The realization that she really could go mad/die from her decision at the age of eight could--and would--make anyone grow up and mature faster than their years.

Then you could also take into account that Tim is the creator of this Mating that he has Veela able to do in his story, and you could draw the conclusion that since the Mating has stunted Gabrielle's growth, it could have altered her personality as well, as Tim even goes into in the chapter where Bill has issues about Fleur not Mating with him.

But hey, you're the one choosing to be picky about something that the author a) made up for this individual story and b) not suspending your disbelief about one or two things that may be possible in the context of the story--nevermind that the story is about magic--and criticizing the author for them.

Here are the facts:

1) We don't know anything about Gabrielle's character going into Hope.

2) We don't know much at all about Veela genetics, nor about their abilities.

3) Magic exists, ergo making the normally impossible, possible.

Just some thoughts to keep in mind when you criticize a story based on magic.

 

What the...

I did say I had read only the first chapter. It so happens that this first chapter wasn't enticing enough to make me read any further. Ergo, I made a criticism about it, since I do believe a not-very-catching first chapter is a flaw in a story. And I gave my reasons for it.

My interest wasn't aroused. It's as simple as that. I considered clicking on the 'next' button and thought it wasn't worth the effort. The story is still in my bookmarks and I may read it one day when I have absolutely nothing else to do.

On to the review: it seems to me that you missed the point in my review. I said Gabrielle was an interesting character, but she wasn't likeable in the least. I don't like her. I have known young teenagers behaving like grown-ups, and it always struck me (in fanfiction and in real life) as artificial and forced. A pose, if you like that word better; especially when coupled with that apparent immaturity I've also pointed out in my post. So, a pose. A slap-worthy pose, if I must express my feelings about this Gabrielle in a blunt way. If a character's speech and attitude make me want to hurt someone, it usually means I'm not completely okay with the way the author wrote them; and good characterisation is exceedingly important for me (you'll notice I really appreciated Harry's characterisation). Jeconais may elaborate about Gabrielle's character further in the story, fine, but as far as I'm concerned the way he wrote her in the first chapter was a turn off. Period.

I agree about Sirius. He was immature. But a grown-up who was put in jail at 22 will not get out of there matured and reasonable. That's good characterisation, even if he's utterly infuriating. Gabrielle, on the other hand, seems artificially matured; if I had seen her regretting her rash decision, or even insisting to do the job by herself and not ask her family for help, that would have been awesome characterisation. Make her stop clinging to her family, and if she wants to mature, let her go all the way and take care of herself.

I think missed is an ill-chosen word. I didn't miss it. I didn't bother reading it, for reasons abundantly explained in both my original post and this one. Besides, from what I've read, she seems already pretty convinced she knows and knew at the time of her mating all the consequences. And again, it's that would-be mature attitude that annoyed me. If it later appears that she didn't fully realise it and merely assumed she did, it only reinforce my conviction; she's a brat. I don't like bratty Gabrielle; we have Ginny for that.

What does this have to do with anything? I salute Jeconais' originality, but I still think it doesn't make sense to proclaim that Fleur and Gabrielle aren't human. It's going against canon; they are quarter Veelas. They shouldn't have so much Veela power, or an ability to mate completely intact. About this mating thing having an effect on Gabrielle's maturing: I would agree if she had appeared as mature to me, and not as a brat acting mature.

*blinks*

So... if a story has some flaws, it's not the author's fault? Whose fault is it? The keyboard? The computer? The Internet? JKR?

I'm picky. I'll admit it. I admitted it in my post. I am able to write reviews over 2K words, and even my (rare) flames manage to be constructive. People joke about it. But usually, even when I'm annoying in my reviews (raving about grammar or spelling or phrasing) I've never heard the author of the story telling me to stfu, which they could do since English isn't even my first language.

What did I criticise that Jeconais made up? This amazingly original 'mating' concept? I never criticised it in itself. It's actually a good idea, for Veelas. But applying it to quarter Veelas is exaggerated.

What else? Learning French in a week? It seems to me that the possibilities offered to men, even with magic, should not be endless. It would mean destroying a balance already fragile. When you give a wizard the possibility to learn any language (especially when it's as difficult as French) in a week, you basically give him the possibility to learn the theory of absolutely any subject in the same amount of time. Jeez, why didn't Dumbledore and Voldemort think of that? They could have avoided spending their whole lives accumulating knowledge.

It was useless. It would have been much simpler and much more realistic to have Harry speak English. It struck me as off key. Therefore, as far as I'm concerned, it's a flaw in the chapter. And yes, I am blaming Jeconais for it because he was the one typing.

So, let's sum up my conclusions, for those who haven't drunk the five coffees necessary to survive my overly long reply:

1) Yes we do, she sounds like a teenager posing as a mature girl, yet seeking everyone's help so that she can get out of a trap she set up for herself years ago; and it annoys me.

2) No, but we know such abilities would be altered due to the Delacour sisters being quarter Veelas. And once again, I never criticised the Veela powers/abilities he invented.

3) Magic exists but should be restrained in the area defined by canon, at least in a story like this one. And according to JKR, learning and memorising a language in a week is absurd. They have ancient Runes as a subject at Hogwarts, and I do not think they come up to OWL level within a week.

A thought to keep in mind when you criticise any story, based on magic or not: even if you worship the author of said story, that doesn't mean their work have to be put on a pedestal and can't be criticised at all. Even if you love Jeconais (which I think you do, given your post), that doesn't mean his fic can't be touched by the slimy hands of filthy Tinn Tam, who has the guts to even venture a criticism about this wonderfully original and thought out and perfect story.

I, unlike you, don't let my love for an author blind me when I write a review. I absolutely love Thalarian's story, for instance, yet I manage to bother him with small stuff hardly anybody cares about. That's called constructive criticism. I said the story looked like a good one (last paragraph of my review) and I'll say it again.

I'll also say I don't give a damn about this story, even though some obviously consider it as a masterpiece. And I also could care less about your advice. I'll continue writing pages-long constructive reviews, whether you like it or not.

That said, welcome to Dark Lord Potter. Read the rules, stickies and FAQ. Don't act like an idiot. Have fun.

 

Nice one!
Poor Theophany, getting owned on his first post.

I love you, Tinn Tam!

I guess there's but little fun in reading a story when one of the main characters strokes you the wrong way.

 

I read your post and just for the heck of it I re-read the fic.

Jeconias may have created may have created everything in the fic. But what peeves me is exactly what you said

1> We don't know anything about Gabrielle in Hope. But isnt that what is called character development? The Author sends us mixed signals about the main characters personality.

2> We don't know the details Veela genetics. The author went through a lot of trouble to explain the evolution, their history with the merpeople and the fault that they die if they do not get together with the ones they mated themselves to. So I dont see the use of you stating this fact.

3> Magic exists ergo making the impossible possible........A truck load of BULLSHIT. If that was so why hasnt Harry been healed instantly. Why isnt there a way to get rid of the bond that Gabrielle created? Why is the Earth round and hasnt been flattened yet?
When making statements like Magic make everything possible remember that there are restrictions to everything. The Author uses these restrictions to create a plot. If the impossible had been possible Harry would have just broken the bond that he easily saw between then and 'poof' end of story.



I give this fic 3/5 for good execution.
Theophany dont register to forums just so that you can defend an Author who doesnt bother himself. If Jeconias came here and defended his fic properly it would be a completly different ball-game.

If you are going to stay I suggest you introduce yourself in the Intro threads.

Oh and Tinn for The Win.

 

1) My point was we didn't know anything about Gabrielle going into Hope, thus you can't just automatically make assumptions about her character; people mature quite a bit in 7-8 years. Yes, obviously Jeconais would have to develop her character, and yes he's nowhere near perfect; he does do a pretty good job of developing his characters to a point where they're at least more than two-dimensional.

2) Again, we don't know shit going into the story. JKR has given us next to nothing regarding the Veela, other than they seem to have an enthralling effect on men and they can turn into bird-like creatures that hurl fireballs. Jeconais has obviously had to build on what was given to us by JKR, but for Tinn's point, he has the right as the author to decide on what quarter-Veela powers are and what they are not, just as authors decide on what vampire powers and weaknesses are. Veela, even quarter-Veela, are not human; or at least not totally. In traditional fantasy stories, even half-elves were gifted with an elf's long life. To say that an author can't do the same in their work when there's not even any information on the species is pretty asinine.

3) As far as magic goes, yes, there are limitations. But can you honestly say that you can destroy all of the bones in your arm and have them re-grown in a matter of days, if not hours? I didn't think so. My intention with that point was to illustrate that anything is possible within the realm of magic; learning a language in a week certainly stretches the boundaries of that and strains on credibility, but it's not a vital part of the story.

It's fine to be picky about what you read; I understand because I'm that way about grammar, punctuation, and spelling. When an author uses, "your," instead of, "you're," I'm put off a story because it makes me think that the author is an idiot that can't use contractions, but I at least read a bit into the story (i.e. a few chapters) to see if the author gets any better.

 

...

...What?

When Jeconais describe the Veela powers (note: the full Veela power), it seems to me that he doesn't make any difference between those powers and the two Delacours'. I would assume that anyone with basic knowledge in genetics, or rather, anyone with a little common sense, would be able to tell that transmissible characters tend to grow weaker after two generations. Genetically speaking, Gabrielle's mother is half-Veela; she could have transmitted her entire Veela-half to her daughter. It's possible. The chances aren't high, but it's possible. So, at best, Gabrielle is a half-Veela; at worst, she's got hardly any Veela genes left.

That said...

He's describing Veelas, isn't he? Not quarter-Veelas, half Veelas or children of Veelas. And he's describing Gabrielle as one of them, it seems. So he simply got rid of the difficulty by deciding Fleur and Gabrielle were fully grown Veelas.

We know for a fact Fleur is not a Veela. Veelas hardly seem like intelligent creatures, if I am to judge from their behaviour at the World Cup. They are instinct-driven magical creatures, that are merely the Quidditch team's mascottes. Fleur, on the other hand, is human for a great part, capable of attending a prestigious Wizarding School. Therefore, she can't be considered as a full Veela. And neither can Gabrielle. That was a mistake from Jeconais, period. A repeated mistake that annoyed me, because it's going again canon and common sense.

No. It isn't. And I admitted it was a detail; but the lack of solid logic in magical theory, even if it's visible in details, tends to irk me. It was a detail but it was useless and artificial. Therefore, a mistake.

Magic enables men to do a lot of things, but there is still a kind of natural balance. Wizards can cure 'common' physical injuries way faster than Muggles can, but they also have to deal with magically induced injuries/illnesses. This 'learn-a-language-within-a-week' thing goes against the logic of the magical world. Again, why the hell would you bother going to school if you could learn new subjects within a week?

The sad part is that I don't have any energy to spare for a story that fails to immediately grasp my interest. This first chapter is clumsy on a few aspects and I didn't like the characters. These Are Flaws. So I, as a reviewer, Pointed Out Those Flaws.
________________

I'd also like to sum up my thoughts about this whole argument.

WHY are you whining about me pointing out mistakes in the first chapter? Did I say the story sucked? No. I said it looked like a more than decent fanfiction. Was the story bashed at all? On the contrary, while I won't rate it because I can't be assed to read past the first chapter for reasons I explained at least three times, a majority of members obviously think it's outstanding.

I made a honest review, and I think my points are valid. I explained why I wouldn't read any further, which I wish more of my readers would do so that I can see exactly what needs to be changed in my early chapters. I really couldn't care less about this story. However, I do care when someone hints I'm being an idiot. That's the only reason why I followed you in that pointless, pointless argument.

Why do you have to defend the story as if it was your first-born? Does it need to be defended? No. It's rated five stars, for God's sake. If you still have problems with my way of reviewing and want to continue a conversation that's pretty much going in circles, we'd better do it via PMs.

 

Dude, let this go. You've been regurgitating the same argument for the past few days, and it's getting fucking irritating.

I'm not saying your not intitled to defend your oppinion, but at least come up with new arguments at some point.

Well, its, uh.... MAGIC! Yeah, its magic, thats why we can wtf pwn genetics. Yep. - Is not a good argument.

He's JECONAIS!! - Not a good argument, he can fail at things too.

And for the record, I am a Jeconais fan. I like this fic, even if some of its unbelievable, because this pairing is hard to find and write I give hims some slack in that department. Yes, he has little resources to base his character off of. No, that is not an excuse to get basic human reactions wrong.

~Stal

 

I can't believe I just read all of those posts.

Okay that's a lie. I didn't read them all, I just skimmed them. But still.

Tinn, you argue good points. But do me a favor, next time you're making generalizations and critiques on a fic's characters attitudes and habits, try reading a bit more of it. As much as it pains me to say it, but you're making several assumptions on less than one-ninth of what's been posted.

To be honest your admission that you only read the first chapter and decided it wasn't for you was when I realized your thoughts on the fic wouldn't be terribly helpful to others looking for opinions on the fic, or perhaps opinions on simply the latest chapter.

Theophany, arguing with Tinn when you know she's not even read beyond the first chapter is a honking fat waste of time. There's over 125,000 words that have been posted since the first chapter that have not been factored into her generalizations about the characters, Veela powers and heritage, the languages, etc...

Someone could read half of Goblet of Fire and start arguing about how Mad-Eye Moody is the best DADA professor ever. Anyone who'd finished the book would know Moody never taught a day. Doesn't make the first person's opinion on Moody "bad," just uninformed and not terribly relevant or helpful to the discussion.

That said, and attempting to get back on topic, I'm a self-proclaimed Jeconais fanboy and biased to begin with. This is an excellent fic in my book and I'm very much looking forward to the final chapter, Chapter 10. But I know it's still a long ways off before we get an update. Jeconais has finished up This Means War! Chapter 10 finally and we'll be seeing that one before he gets to the next Hope update and sends it down to his team of betas.

 

Ok so i haven't posted in an age but i need to it for this one. like Non mentioned him being a jeconias fanboy, im not that far off myself. I read al the way through to chapter 9 and it's honestly a fantastic story! I admit the way he writes Harry it seems to me that Harry is either extreamly forgiving and sappy or hardcore raging? for someone who has just come out of a war and having witnessed so much death and destruction i fail to see how he still be so forgiving after only like 2 days? Hermonster for all her apprent brilliant should not beable to simply find breakthroughs in fields that have been worked on for an age; though when she was put in place it was done well neither over the top nor inadequite.

4.5/5 from Lord Osiris, a highly recomended fic not just in lengh but in actual quality.

 

Yeah, I realized that after posting. To be honest, the night I made my first post I had just come home from a day of dealing with some of the most stressful customers (retail isn't that fun during holiday... ) that I was going to flame the first person that even slightly irritated me. Just so happened to be my first post on DLP; go figure.

 

uhu, first of your grasp of genetics isn't that hot if we are honest.
The specific amount of genes doesn't really matter a lot, what matters is the DOMINANCE of the genes. Meaning if the female Veela genes are dominant (or let's say almost always dominant) then a quater veela might as well have all the full traits and powers like a full Veela.

Second of all the glimpse we got of the Veelas during Canon was a specific scene where they acted as cheerleaders for a sporting event.
Now not to sound condescing or anything, but do you judge the american female highschool population according to their behaviour during cheerleading matches also?
We don't know for a fact that Fleur isn't a Veela, simply because we don't know what a Veela behaves like when she has a normal day.

The only part of your critique where i agree (at least to some extent) is that the language lessons were a pretty bad idea.... It is most likely possible to learn a rough version of french within 1 week with the aid of magic, but complete understanding of a language including a parisian accent is simply too much.

 

Oh please... I leave a review for the first chapter of this story, since I like to review every chapter in a story I'm reading. Theophany contests my points, fine; I answer him, just as fine. We start having a rather pointless conversation, since he's talking about the whole story whereas I am only reviewing the first chapter. Nonjon reminds us that we are going in circles, and we bury the hatchet.

And now that? This is starting to look like highjacking...

Okay, last reply: as a med student, I know quite a lot about dominant genes. But dominant or not, a gene still have a defined probability of being transmitted to the next generation. The problem isn't really there, actually; the problem is that Jeconais didn't make any difference between real Veelas and quarter Veelas. I'm sorry, but saying the Delacour girls are not human isn't accurate. If Fleur had been a Veela in the books, Harry would have been just as affected by her as he was at the Quidditch World Cup. Besides, magical schools are for witches and wizards, ie, at least partly human people... Werewolves don't count, since they are human.

I happen not to be an expert in American highschool girls, and the concept of cheerleaders is quite unknown in France. But if it's a custom for cheerleaders to start howling with rage and trying to hurt the cheerleaders of the opposite team, I'm quite relieved there aren't such things in my country .

Again, I wasn't convinced by the first chapter, for many reasons I have given in my first post. Anyone who takes the time to reread that first post will realise I am far from shooting down the story in itself. This looks like a very good story, but the first chapter didn't succeed in catching my interest.

I'll put it simply, so that there is no more ambiguity:

Good story. Original plot. Good author. Nice writing style. Excellent characterisation of the trio. The characterisation of Gabrielle didn't start well. And a few very small incoherencies that were enough to turn me away from the story. Call me lazy, if you want... Call me picky, I will probably agree.

End of story. If anyone wishes to waste more time arguing, please PM me.

 

Not usually, but they have been known to spawn a cat-fight or three...

 

While what Tinn said wasn't completely true. You should pick up a Biology book yourself. If you go into genetic details you would either classify Veela genes as Recessive or Dominant. This is true for each and every gene and not a package of genes. So if the person inherited Blonde hair they might be from the father or mother. If it's from the mother then there is a 1/many chance that it is Veela blonde because the mother in itself isnt a pure Veela. She might have certain genes which are recessive that might become active in the next generation.

This is the same for all traits including eye colour, skin pigmentation, and even the thickness of your nails. So saying that Fleur or Gabrielle inherited none or all the Veela genes on that basis of modern genetics is futile.

Now that said. Apart from a few inconsistencies faced during beginning of the story, this is a great story. I give it a 4/5.

If it werent good I hardly think that it would be in the DLP library. Lets not bicker on the minute points that were pointed out. So unless you have the next poster has something useful to post regarding the story itself lets not to waste the Moderators time, shall we?

 

i really like this story. Hopefully he update soon.

 

wow thats quiet the argument lulz. But really i did love this story and i cant wait for the last chapter. I think he dose a good job both with making a Harry thats quiet powerful but not over doing it into the godlike Harry. The Gabby in this book is, in my opinion, a well written character that we start out not knowing to much about but we quickly gain feeling for and her predicament. The romance is heavy but its done offer a long enough time so that its not overbearing and is written well. The fact that Harry/Gabby is now one of my favorite pairing after reading just this story about it makes me smile a little.
5/5
Thanks for the great read

 

3 chapters more and we can expect them soon

 

Awseome I can't wait for him to finish them, I really like this story

 

I like this fic, and I like this pairing. Good stuff.

4.7/5

 

Does anyone have any other Harry/Gabrielle fics to recommend?

I've really enjoyed this story and the pairing. I was hoping there were a few more fics out there witht the same pairing that were worth reading.