9 pages doesn't seem that big compared to other threads...

 

Well someone had to do it.

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by Jack Thorne

It was always difficult being Harry Potter and it isn't much easier now that he is an overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband, and father of three school-age children.
While Harry grapples with a past that refuses to stay where it belongs, his youngest son Albus must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places.

Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Drama- Chapters: 15 - Words: 55,000- Reviews: 483 - Favs: 521 - Follows: 6500 - Updated: 1h ago - Published: June 8

 

Gamer Soul and Life by Nemo Ate Your Sandwich reviews
When Harry died in the forest raped by his uncle, Death intervenes and takes him away to help. After being healed and given a special gift, Harry will show the Wizarding World a different Harry then they were expecting. Powerful!EventualGod-like!Grey!Intelligent!Harry, AU, Video Game Plot, Undecided things, M rated to be safe
Rated: M - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 16 - Words: 42,169 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 277 - Follows: 374 - Updated: Jun 9 - Published: May 7 - Harry P.

 

Video game plot? I don't think I remember Harry being raped by Vernon in any of the HP games.

 

The Deathly Hallows Minus Ron Plus Viktor Krum by Ghostunderasheet
At Fleur and Bill's Wedding, Hermione and Krum are reunited and she breaks up with Ron who flips out and Krum steps in to defend her honor. Ron and Harry have a huge fight and Ron refuses to go on the hocrux hunt, when Harry and Hermione go to leave for the hunt Victor stops them…
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 25,373 - Reviews: 203 - Favs: 305 - Follows: 511 - Updated: Jun 2 - Published: Jan 24 - [Harry P., Susan B.] [Hermione G., Viktor K.]

There are so many fails just in the title and summary, I don't even.

 

Ehh, the fourth game is worth at least a little rape. Kinda. It was horrible.

 

Ok, so this isn't the usual, utterly trash story found in this thread, but I thought it was worth a mention:

Why? Because it tells me almost zero about the story whatsoever. Things change? Well it wouldn't be much of a story if everything stayed the same.

I suppose it could make a decent tagline, or the first sentence of a summary, but on its own it is woefully inadequate.

 

A Potion to Turn Back Time by RommiCat reviews
In an attempt to turn Umbridge into a child to save the school, the Golden Trio picks a test subject of equal distaste. Severus Snape. Set in OotP, and hints od abuse/childhood trauma.
Rated: T - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,010 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3h ago

Because turning Umbridge into a child - fuck. I won't bother. The premise speaks for itself.

 

Literally everything by this guy: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/6674759/vervada23

Including gems such as:

Du Gata abr Shur'tugal
Bella first becomes a dragon rider, gets abducted, gets experimented on, all while learning to be a dragon rider. Then gets free, and starts up the dragon riders. Edward is a dragon rider as well. this is a four way crossover with, the sweep series, and maximum ride
Crossover - Inheritance Cycle & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,567 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: Sep 8, 2015 - Published: Sep 3, 2015

and:

the power the dark lord knows not
harry finds out that the weasley's have been stealing from him. finds out that he is the heir of merlin. and becomes king of all united kingdom. I know bad sumery.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,170 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 25 - Published: Oct 2, 2015


Not sure if a really dedicated troll, or someone with less than half a brain.

 

Well at least he knows he's bad at sumerys.

 

This: Reviews: 5 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 25

I'll never understand these people who follow and fave this stuff. Are they first time fiction readers or are they just so hard up for something to read that they will read anything?

 

Well, I'm just reading a fic with 1,6k favs which has an accidental baby animagus and smirking Dumbledore.

And reviews include: "I hate Dumbles too" and "well, for animagus transformation you need stabilised magical core…"

So, there. "These people".

 

:facepalm I like to think I'm a connoisseur of fine fanfiction then.

 

Sumerys Targaryen, first of his name. King of bad Authors and the first posters. Protecter of FFN, and Khaleesi by way of mpreg...


The author knows how to use capitals in one summary, but not in the other. And the one with capitals came first. How is that even possible? Did all their shift keys break?

 

I dunno, it would make a good crack fic.

 

Yeah, pity it wasn't the author's intention. There was this crack fic that Snape became a ghost and ended up haunting Harry and Ginny that was actually pretty good. Who knows, maybe someone can actually make Snape turned into a child work.

 

I really don't like the implications here.

 

You know, every time I read this line about how "it was always difficult being Harry Potter" and (line from the Cursed Child spoilers)

Spoiler

"it is exceptionally lonely being Draco Malfoy"

all I can think of is this. It makes it about a thousand times more cringeworthy.

 

I thought this was crack. It's not.