Okay I get your issue with the fiction and to be honest I threw the summary together because I was tired from typing and yes it was 3500 words in one day! I planned to start last night but I never happend for me. What did you think of the plot of the first chapter at least ?

 

That summary is an instant nope from me. To be even slightly worth my, or any reader's time, you have to have near-perfect spelling, punctuation and grammar, at a minimum. As it stands, I won't touch your story with a ten-foot pole, and I doubt many other people will.

Fix that, then fix all the other errors that are likely within, and then maybe you'll have something that's actually reviewable, rather than a mess that I can't even bother trying to decipher.

Edit: I had a quick glance over the actual chapter itself to see if there were any redeeming features. There weren't. My ten year old sister wrote better than this when she was seven.

• Basic capitalisation and sentence flow. You're missing both.
  
• Tense switching. You alternate between past and present tense at a whim, and it makes my head hurt.
  
• Literally every clause either starts with 'Harry' or 'He'. What even.

That's not even saying anything about the clusterfuck of barely coherent ideas that you've regurgitated into a word document.

 

If you have something to add to your post, edit it, don't double and triple post.

 

In future, I suggest that you put a link to the storywhen you mention it in a thread. I had to find the story by searching the username you gave us.

Judging by your voice in the Let's Play video of Black Ops 2 (Which I assumed is you as your username is fairly unique), I'm guesing that you're quite young, maybe in your teens if not younger so some mistakes can be understood.

But the sheer amount of errors you had makes me question why you ever thought this would be met with anything even remotely positive. BTT has already given a good breakdown of what was wrong with the summary but I will add on that, if it was cleaned up, it would still just be the synopsis for Goblet of Fire.

As for the actual story itself: Your spelling is atrocious, your grammar hard to bear and your punctuation non-existent. I honestly just skimmed through it but even that hurt my eyes. Again, I understand that you're fairly young so some of it is understandable.

One of the ways to improve is to give yourself a checklist of sorts. WHen you have finished writing the chapter, you would go down your checklist and mark everything off one by one after you've checked it. For example:

1. Check all names are capitalised.
2. Check that all quotations are in place.
3. Check that I've stuck to one tense.

I've actually got a more complex and full version from my GCSE but it may take me a while to dig up.

Unfortunately, I doubt any worthwhile Beta would be willing to to take you on which is why I urge you to either pay more attention in English Class or do some very heavy reading. WBA may be able to help you, they may not. I haven't been a member long so I wouldn't be able to tell you.

 

As others have said, names need to be capitalized, and you need more commas, periods, etc. You also have a lot of run on sentences.

Your dialogue needs a lot of work, Sometimes you don't even use quotations marks when the characters are speaking. Overall, I would really invest in a beta before planning any more chapters.

 

And another thing. Do not start off with a big epic story. Do something small and character driven. This is called learning to walk before you try to run.

Try to aim for 3000-4000 words. One single focus point. A beginning, a middle and an end.

Here's an example. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8461800/1/The-Twine-Bracelet

 

Hi I am currently going through the chapter and capitalising all names. Quotations will be next and so on. And no I don't play black opps but I am young I'm 17.I already do higher English in class(Ireland) but you don't have to be good at English in Ireland more so a good memory to memorise quotes poems and set questions

 

I'm not quite sure you understood what I meant when I said English Class. I don't mean the actual language. You might better know it as Literacy.

A good memory and memorise questions? Are they trying to find the next Hermioen Granger or something?

Forgive me if I seem very doubtful that the person in this video is not you.

17...Honestly, you're writing seems to be more akin to that of a 13 year olds and that's being generous.

 

Listen all! part of the reason for the poor quality of writing,actually I'll do this ABC

A-I wrote this in one day why? Because I love writing and have written my entire life but never had the confidence to write something to put online

B-I got giddy and just wanted to get it out on the screen and it was rash of my to post it! But I'm almost through making sure every name has a capital quotation next

C -for a group of aspiring writers criticism anyone can take(well most can) but I'm much better then a 13 year old and I can't wait to prove you all wrong

Ps: yeah the English education sucks here but dead easy to get an A if your committed to studying

 

Seventeen? You get no leeway from me for that. I assumed you were twelve, maybe thirteen at best with the way you write, or from a country that doesn't have English as it's primary language.

Seventeen is old enough to have a good, if not perfect grasp of the English language.

No beta is going to want to work with this affront to the written word. I suggest you go away, read some books and pay attention in bloody English class, before you post something else that makes me want to gouge out my eyes.

 

Love the way no one here seems to have done a bad job a chapter...

 

Hows about we stop this shitfest and Kilcavan98 posts for review in the WbA, like you're supposed to when you want feedback.

 

Have done some grammar corrections everysingle one the site(fanfiction.net highlighted for me and all names have capitals and important land marks eg diagon alley

 

That's all great. I'm not an author, and have never posted anything; but I've always been of the opinion that if you're going to seek criticism, than you should really take your time and make sure you submit your best work. We shouldn't be reviewing (anything in this thread, honestly) capitalization, and other lazy mistakes. It's great to get stuff down, but then go back over it, maybe come up with an outline for the story, figure out who your characters are and what they need to do. Make an outline for the chapter you're writing, then write that down and abide by it. Then sit down to write your story, edit it, sleep on it, read it again, make some changes, then post it. By that time you'll have a better understanding of what you want to accomplish, you'll have some conviction, and won't have to crowd source a plot.

 

I have decided to delete the story and I will repost tomorrow where all of you will eat a slice of humble pie maybe not plot wise but that's preference but you will see that I am well above a 13 year old

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I am aware I made a absolute bauls of it gramma wise and oh so many other ways but I also thought I had come up with a good first chapter story wise

 

Kilcavan98

Stop posting here your cluttering the thread. Either post your fic in WBA or stop talking about it.

 

Where is the WBA?

 

WBA is Work by Author. Scroll down the main page.