I'd join in on this but too many cooks in the kitchen spoils the taste(and I only recently finished a regular run I started back in January, not too eager to grind through Kalos for diversity).

 

A Wingull? Not sure if I should be insulted now... At least the Ralts has a damaging move. Too bad it's fairly meh anyway, given, y'know, Ralts can't evolve to Gallade until either Super Training Dawn Stones (have fun...) or literally the end of Victory Road.

I'm half tempted to join in on the madness with a BW (or BW2) randomised run. Shit gets crazy fast there, if quite fun.

 

Don't be insulted, Oment is currently my lead Pokemon, getting me out of jams with Supersonic and water gun.

 

Wingulls are pretty great in early game since they get decent attacks off the bat. I don't think I used Supersonic once though. Nothing is worse than bad accuracy.

---------- Post automerged at 06:31 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:39 PM ----------

So, I rage through the rest of the trainers on the route between Stateport and Mauville before brooding at Mauville’s Pokemon Center. I need more Pokemon and I’ll only have one chance. No point in using the routes north or east because it's best to save them for later, so the west route it is. Let’s see, what should I aim for? Nidoran bugs, tiny roses, raccoons, or blue Pikachus?

My intent at waiting for the shaking grass is shot when I trip into a bush. A Zigzagoon licks my face, and I’m annoyed. I suppose it’s okay, but the Zigzagoon is a girl. I have like twenty male names queued, but you’re just trying to make things difficult, aren’t you? I name her Shezza and begin a training montage with only a single incident of note:

After circling Mauville twice looking for the bike shop only to walk out with an Acro Bike (not fast enough NEVER FAST ENOUGH), I head to the bike path with dreams of glory. The first biker I fight has but two small Pokemon: Plusle and Minum. I lead with Lutris the Lombre because while Shezza is adorable and fluffy, I must protect my sacrifice- uh, I mean new friend. I start with a Fake Out. It does little since these Pikachu clones are surprisingly bulky, and the clone uses Thunder Wave. Whatevs.

I use Teeter Dance only to be paralyzed. Annoying. I’m hit with a Spark or Thunder Shock or whatever, I don’t know French. It didn’t do much, so I wasn’t worried.

I use Teeter Dance again only to be paralyzed. Don’t you do this to me game.

I try again-

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

I breathe through clenched teeth. I resist the urge to throw my DS across the room.

I have no Paralyze Heals and while I could switch out, I had to do this. I heal Lutris out of yellow and next turn, I get off the Teeter Dance. Fucking finally.

The clone uses Encore.

YYYOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU-

I switch into Evan the Voltorb. No more paralysis. No more bullshit. No more clones. Evan’s Rollout was recently replaced with Swift. I’m going to star this motherfucker to a wall, and this clone has the audacity to not hit itself in confusion once. It dies though. It dies good. Its twin joins it minutes later and after the battle, I punch the biker in the face and throw him off the bike path.

You may say overkill, but I say justice.

After training a bit more, I look at my team and sigh. I exchange my bike for a Mach and circle Mauville’s courtyard endlessly as the same thoughts run through my head.

Wattson’s going to destroy me. What can I do? I have no other Pokemon, I have no other options. Lutris’ best move is Bubble, Evan can’t do shit to Magnamite / Magneton, and Shezza is derp. Argh, I’m doomed.

Once I get tired of that I challenge Mauville’s gym. My Pokemon are fairly high level so I sweep the trainers before getting to Wattson. Wattson is a creepy fuck. Please stop smiling and laughing. He sends out a Magnemite and I lead with Lutris. I spam Bubble as Wattson Volt Switches endlessly from Magnemite to his Voltorb, but Lutris is surprisingly sturdy and after a last minute switch to Evan, both go down. Last is the Magneton, and while I wasn’t sure Wattson had a Magneton, there was no need to switch to a new strategy.

I send in Shezza as I heal Lutris and take the paralysis off. Shezza lives with 1HP from a Volt Switch only to die moments later. Lutris gets revenge with his Teeter Dancing and Bubbling ways, and when the Volt Switches get too much, I switch back to Evan to finish off the Magneton with a Swift.

That went better than expected.

After getting my badge, I drag Shezza’s corpse behind me to break some rocks in the north route. Gotta get new Pokemon, gotta dodge all these trainers, gotta- HOLD ON A MINUTE.

This route. This little grass patch below the base of Mt. Chimney. It has only one Pokemon. ONE. Were the developers really that lazy? Are you serious? Where’s my Numel? Why am I defaulting to a Machop? It pisses me off.

(Later I realize there are other Pokemon, but the Pokemon tracker doesn’t show Pokemon you haven’t seen yet. Bastard).

I name my Machop Zenzao, and sneak into Lava Path for another Pokemon. Slugma, Slugma, Slugma- GRIMER. Sup, dude. I don’t think I’ve trained a Muk before. I shall name you Aekiel, and all will be good.

I heal up back in Mauville, bury Shezza now that I have Zenzao, and start tackling the trainers. The first victim is the trainer family house just north of Mauville. The second victim is Aekiel the Grimer, who gets offed in his very first battle because I was using each of his moves mindlessly as I tried to figure out which did what. Luckily, Zenzao earns his keep and starts cleaning house, and my team of five continue doing this all up the route.

But only one question remains on my mind:

Cheddar, when the fuck are you going to evolve? You’re a tiny bird and I need a bigger bird. You’re the last of my originals to still be in their basic form and you’re a fragile creature.

Putting that worry to the side, I continue on through Lava Path, heading for the healing house run by a kindly old woman who doesn’t let you leave. But on my way I was kidnapped by some weird dude who looks like a child molester. I hate tutorials, go away. I know how to use Secret Power already, let go, don’t make me sic Evan on your ass. Evan, VOLT SWITCH ME AWAY!

I escape and heal my Pokemon, and head towards the ash route. Brendan stops me and heals my Pokemon even though the healing house is right there. Jesus, Brendan, do you explore at all? Now, this ash route. In the third generation, the ash route had claim to my favorite Pokemon song in all the games. This route also has the honor in generation six to be one of the only routes to have their music changed.

Fuck you.

Luckily, I know what I want and wait for the telltale cry before venturing into the grass. Good morning, Skarmory, aren’t you a beauty. She’s low-leveled, so after some thought, I send in Froggie*, my frog ninja, who Chant’s (some French attack I haven’t been able to identify) and Quick Attacks her into the yellow. Two great balls later and she is mine. I name her Font and if Cheddar notices my infatuation with this steel bird, I hope it’s motivation for her to evolve quicker.

I head back to the healing house on my Mach bike and groan aloud when I run straight into a trainer. The first two Pokemon are defeated easily, but this trainer sends out a Roselia. I send out Cheddar to Air Cutter it away but the Roselia is fast and uses an attack that to this hour I cannot recall. It sent Cheddar near the yellow and Roselia survives the Air Cutter. I did not think. I acted, but Roselia was faster and used Magical Leaf.

You have to believe me, but I didn’t mean for Cheddar to die, just when I got a replacement. I’ll admit I was going to box Cheddar because of typing, but I didn’t intentionally cause her death! I swear! Officer, you have to believe me! I didn’t do it! I’m innocent! No, not the handcuffs!

Administrator’s note: All further questions will be directed through Vira’s lawyers.


Current Team.
Froggie the Frogadier. L24, M. Canon Chant (?), Water Pulse, Toxic Spikes, Quick Attack.
Lutris the Lombre. L24, M. Teeter Dance, Fake Out, Absorb, Bubblebeam.
Evan the Voltorb. L24, M. Charge Beam, Electro Ball, Swift, Charge Beam.
Zenzao the Machop. L22, M. Bulk Up, Rock Smash, Some Fighting Move, Sabotage (?).
Font the Skarmory. L16, F. Steel Wing, Peck, Sand Attack, Air Cutter.

Rest in Peace.
Kang the Silcoon. L8, M. I suppose some butterflies aren't meant to be.
Seratin the Zubat. L12, M. You tried your best and that's all that matters.
Tinn the Whismur. L18, F. Yeah, my bad.
Shezza the Zigzagoon. L18, M. You did your duty.
Aekiel the Grimer. L17, M. Couldn't you have lasted more than five minutes?
Cheddar the Wingull. L23, F. I'll miss you. Goodbye.

*My starter needed a nickname.

 

First off: yes, Plusle and Minun are surprisingly tanky. It always trips me up a bit. For the record, Minun is nearly as special-tanky (same SpD, just less hp) as Sceptile, and Plusle has the same thing going on with Drapion. Either one, and especially Drapion, I would not hesitate to put on any team. The clones fold to a good physical breeze though.

Skarmory are legit as hell and can probably last you until E4. It does a good job at walling Norman and parts of Winona, though it's worse vs Phoebe than it was in Gen III for a variety of reasons.

And frankly, be glad you didn't get a Spinda because you tripped. Fuck Spinda.

Went and looked it up what that unknown move was. Answer under spoiler.

Spoiler

Round.

Typo in Zenzao's name in the Current Team bit, btw.

 

Pikachu clones don't deserve to be that good.

Thanks for the spelling correction and the move identification. I would have never guessed Round since the animation of it is a song.

Serebii: "This move increases in power when used by different Pokémon on your side in a single turn. When Round is used by multiple Pokémon, the Pokémon will immediately use it, regardless of Speed or Priority. Each consecutive use of this move has the power doubled up until it hits the maximum of 240."

That's weird as shit.

 

Seriously. You killed me off in 5 minutes? Give me some love here, god damn it.

 

I didn't intend for you to die. It just kinda happened.

Now that I think about it, you died to a Roselia too. Those Roselia and their Magical Leafs. Pretty, but deadly.

 

We pick up after a little team balancing and enter Petalburg woods stepping over the broken, mangled body of an annoying rich kid. Good luck affording more Full Restores after we jacked you, swot.

We wander around in a little hum-drum circle for a moment, waiting for something to rustle in the grass because fuck Wurmple. About five seconds in I lose patience and dive into the grass, headfirst into a....Wurmple!

Whatever, it gets the ball to face treatment and Poytin joins the team.

Now, I have to admit that at this point in the game battles are far harder than they have any right to be. A combination of weak pokemon and terrible movesets are making things suck.

We barely scrape by the fucking Team Aqua Grunt battle and escape the woods where we receive echoed voice in tm form.


Now, this is where Seratin derps hard.

Tarsal, my wonderful little Ralts has learned confusion a few levels ago and has steadily been saving my ass. However, I decide to play this Nuzlocke while having Deadpool playing in the background.

I don't notice Ralts finishing some punk pokemon as I mash and fill my face with popcorn. I didn't notice him trying to learn teleport. I definitely didn't notice myself overwriting confusion for teleport until the next fucking battle.







I rage for a moment before heading into the grass above the little plant Nursery crib and hope for a new 'mon.

Another Wurmple. Crit and dead. I had intended to catch it but again, was not paying attention.

Deadpool got paused.

Afterwards we struggle on towards Rustoboro, nearly getting stopped on Rustboro bridge by a pair of twin girls.

The hair raising team of Lt2000 and Ollie King, the ZigzaGOONS pull the battle out of the bag with strategic uses of tackle and tail whip against that nasty bide carrying Seedot.






We limp into Rustboro and May appears out of nowhere. No. Not now. Surely she'll take out one of my battered little guys. Nope. She just saw me from across the city and dashed over, blushing madly to get my attention.

Nope, fuck off. I'm going to the Pokemon Center.

Afterwards I head up towards that Route with the Whismur tunnel place... thing. I run into a Taillow, enter slowmomomo mode and ball the critter. Life is good and Lord Raven joins the team.

I stick it to the front of the party and fight a trainer with a Machop.

WHO FUCKING KILLS LORD RAVEN IN ONE HIT. WITH A TYPE DISADVANTAGE.


So after a few minutes I calm down and pull my DS from the drywall. Fuck this shit.

Everyone gets a few more levels, including Tarsal. I notice that Tarsal has become really fucking creepy.

Seriously.

Its a little psychic fairy dude I received from the ether as a baby. It teleports around the place randomly. It uses shadow sneak to travel through the distortion world and attack people from their own fucking shadows.

You stumble across tarsal at night? It uses disarming voice on you before ripping the area apart with a hideously creepy echoed voice.




Creepy yo.


Oh, and a Whismur named Drome joins the team before I realise I have to go talk to Mr. Stone before coming to this cave.



FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.





Current team.


Oment the Wingull -lvl 12, M
- Water gun, Mist, Supersonic, Wing attack

LT2000 the Zigzagoon -lvl 11, M
- Tackle, Headbutt, Tail whip, Sand attack

Poytin the Beautifly -lvl 11, F
-Tackle, Gust, Poison Sting, Harden

Tarsal the Ralts -lvl 12 M
-Shadow Sneak, Disarming Voice, Echoed Voice, Teleport

Ollie King the Zigzagoon -lvl 11 M
- Charm, Echoed voice, Headbutt, Sand attack

Drome the Whismur - lvl 8 F
- Pound, Echoed voice, Astonish



Deadedededed. In Hades.
Lord Raven The Taillow.

 

I lied a little when I said I was done for the day last time. I put my Geodude in the box and decided to train up Scabbers the Rattata outside Violet City. After leveling him to 11, I called it a day. After sunset, I dropped into Sprout Tower to hunt ghosts. First encounter was exactly what I wanted: a female Gastly. She took a couple Poke Balls to catch because I had to do it from full HP, since she was only Level 3 and just about any attack from either Tototile or Rattata would oneshot her.

But things worked out, and Arete the Gastly gets my Queen piece. She'll be stashed in the box for a long while, but she will eventually shine once I get a couple TM's to teach her better moves to train up with. Pawn promoting her would be pretty much impossible, and leveling her at all a pain. I might have been able to pull it off on Proton in Slowpoke Well, but too much work and risk to try it. Gengar is a worthy Queen anyway.

Garon and Scabbers put the business on Sprout Tower, and then the rat goes back into the box. Olympia the Geodude back out to roll Falkner. That happens without any difficulty, though Pidgeotto proves an annoyance if not an outright danger due to Rock Throw liking to miss at the most inopportune times.

Anyway, one gym down. Olympia promotes from Pawn to Rook by virtue of her solo performance against Falkner. I then get an egg and meet a Kimono Girl. Not bothering with Togepi. I'd just end up with a Hustle one again I'm sure. I go and grab Scabbers back out of the box, heal up and continue on towards the next town.

I'd thought there was a second route south of Violet before getting to Union Cave (I burned the one getting my Rattata) and was hoping to have another shot at a Mareep. But there apparently isn't and I know Mareep is no longer available on the other side of Union Cave.

Currently about to enter Union Cave, where Zubats await. This time I actually want one. Going to be slow progress until I get through the work week.

Active Squad

King: Garon the Totodile, Level 16 (Scratch, Bite, Water Gun, Scary Face)
Pawn Promoted Rook: Olympia the Geodude, Level 14 (Tackle, Defense Curl, Rock Polish, Rock Throw)
Pawn: Scabbers the Rattata, Level 14 (Tackle, Bite, Quick Attack, Rock Smash)

Reserves

Queen: Arete the Gastly, Level 3 (Hypnosis, Lick)
Pawn: Rhiannon the Pidgey, Level 3 (Tackle)

 

Fallador is as boring as I remember it. Before I can do anything, Brendan pulls me into a house, introduces me to some girl that has a problem, and leaves. Um, excuse me? I didn’t even agree to do anything. I don’t even speak your language!

I stomp to the southern route, muttering under my breath. Now would be a good opportunity to get a new team member, but I don’t have a use for any of these Pokemon. I run around a bit until a shaking bush cries a sound I vaguely recognize. It’s a Serviper, which I call Mage and instantly box. After beating some of the trainers on the way, I make it to Meteor Falls. I want a psychic-type, but Lunatone only have a 25% chance of spawning.

But what do you know, a Lunatone appears! I’ve never trained a Lunatone before, and I name this one Oment. Further in is Brendan and two Aqua nerds. You’re a bombshell, Aqua woman, but do you really want to introduce yourself and your team through a double battle with some grunt? That’s better for a second encounter.

Battle begins and I lead with Font the Skarmory. Intimidate lowers her attack and I’m uneasy about double battles, so I switch into Lutris the Lombre, who promptly gets Swaggered and hit hard by the grunt’s Grimer. Jesus, slow down. I heal every other turn as I wait for Brendan’s Slugma to do more damage, and that’s when I realize to my dismay that I’ve become the useless doubles partner that I accuse all NPCs of being.

I switch back into Font because she is perfect for this and then slap myself silly. I should have never switched out, I needed to trust Font, and Font comes through, beating both Pokemon with Steel Wing. As the Aqua nerds tremble before me, Team Magma arrives. Maxie looks so tired of this shit. I feel you, bro. After both teams leave, we all walk back to the girl’s house and Brendan asks me something. I don’t understand, but nod, and he teleports us to Mauville.

But- but I haven’t finished beating all the Fallador trainers! D8

Ugh, Oment is under-leveled and remains so as the next battle I can face is on Mt. Chimney with a nerd and the bombshell Aqua member. Font and Evan throw both off the mountainside before I’m faced with Archie.

He begins with his Mightyena and I send in Zenzao the Machop. Hope you like Karate Chops, motherfucker. But Archie doesn’t care because he Swaggers Zenzao and ouch, that confusion struggle. I heal and Mightyena uses Roar, pulling in Font instead. Fuck yeah, Steel Wing, but then Font is Roared out. Roar, Swagger, Roar, Swagger. STOP IT.

It takes five minutes to kill this Mightyena and by then some of my Pokemon aren’t doing so great. Next up is Golbat and Evan the Voltorb is too hurt, so I’m stuck with Froggie. Golbat uses Confuse Ray. Ughhhh. I eventually get it down with three Water Pulses, but now Froggie is too hurt to fight. Lastly is Archie’s Sharpedo, but I don’t fear since I have Lutris to Absorb the shit out of it. But first, Teeter Dance, and Sharpedo helpfully ignores it’s effect as it uses Assurance.

Holy shit, it does more than half. What.

I heal up, waiting for the confusion to pitch in, but it never does. After four Assurances, I fear a crit and I switch to Zenzao, and as I did so, a stab of fear went through my heart. To be honest, I’d rather sacrifice Lutris than Zenzao, but my fears proved unfounded. Zenzao lives through an Assurance, and the Sharpedo finally hit itself in confusion while Zenzao finishes it in one hit.

How did I get through that battle with no deaths?

I run down the mountain trying to protect my injured Pokemon and you know something’s gone wrong when you have your starter out front. Since I have a Mach Bike, I take a detour into the grass, and hear a cry I don’t recognize. Oh, could this be something good-

It’s a Machop.

I stare at it blankly, and put it down to exhaustion before moving on. Lavaridge is a beam of hope and my nerves only relax when I reach the Pokemon Center. It’s nice having a full Pokemon team. I wonder how long it’ll last?

I giggle as I skip into the male hot springs but look around in confusion? Where is everyone? I find a group of people standing outside the hot springs and instantly, a word went through my mind:

EGG??????

I talk to the old woman and see the word oeuf.

EGG!!!!!!

But she doesn’t give me anything. I try again, but no egg is given. But egg. Egg! I want egg… Oh, lol, my party’s full. I deposit my starter because he doesn’t need to be trained right now, and make grabby hands at the old woman. She gives me an egg.

Egg, egg, egg~

First, I try biking through Lava Ridge and stop just before the divider, but that’s an accident waiting to happen. I move into the little forest, but it’s too small, so I hop the divider and go down near the desert where there’s a nice straight line. Twenty minutes of stupidly boring biking later and the egg begins to hatch! I watch excitedly, thinking: please don’t make me Wonder Trade a Magby, please don’t make me Wonder Trade a Magby, please don’t make me Wonder Trade a Magby-

Wynaut.

Oh good, something I feel no guilt about trading.

Now this is the best thing about gift eggs. Since I can only accept a Pokemon that’s the same level or lower, I’m getting another egg hatched Pokemon. No risk of common Pokemon here! I want a fire type. I hope it’s a fire type.

Our first contestant is a guy from Germany. He sends a Wurmple, but it’s level two so back to Wonder Trade you go! The second contestant is from Japan and he sends me a Ralts. Uh, not sure if I want a Ralts- It’s level three! Third time’s the charm, let’s go, go, go! Morning, Ohio kid, what are you sending? Driftloon? That’s interesting.

And Driftloon’s level one! It’s over. He is male and while I can’t officially nickname him, I will call him Kalas. In the box you go, little guy.

And that’s all the time we have tonight! Thanks for watching and don’t forget to tune in tomorrow where we’ll discuss PKMN Trainer Vira’s inevitable sweep of Flannery and her adventures in a desert! Stay tuned!

Current Team.
Froggie the Frogadier. L27, M. Canon Chant (?), Water Pulse, Toxic Spikes, Quick Attack.
Lutris the Lombre. L26, M. Teeter Dance, Fake Out, Absorb, Bubblebeam.
Evan the Voltorb. L25, M. Charge Beam, Electro Ball, Swift, Charge Beam.
Zenzao the Machop. L25, M. Bulk Up, Rock Smash, Some Fighting Move, Sabotage (?).
Font the Skarmory. L23, F. Steel Wing, Peck, Swift, Air Cutter.
Oment the Lunatone. L19, M. Hypnosis, Rock Tomb, Rock Polish, Telekinesis?

Boxed.
Mage the Serviper. L10, M.
Kalas the Drifloon. L1, M.

Rest in Peace.
Kang the Silcoon. L8, M. I suppose some butterflies aren't meant to be.
Seratin the Zubat. L12, M. You tried your best and that's all that matters.
Tinn the Whismur. L18, F. Yeah, my bad.
Shezza the Zigzagoon. L18, M. You did your duty.
Aekiel the Grimer. L17, M. Couldn't you have lasted more than five minutes?
Cheddar the Wingull. L23, F. I'll miss you. Goodbye.

 

I'm still quite confused at the basics of your run, LT2000. Gonna have to sit down with a clear head and read the rules again as soon as I have time.

Fucking Vira. Driflim is a fantastic little Pokemon to add to your team. I am officially well jelly. D:

I'll update on my run in the morning. All I'll say is that there have been casualties.

 

By tomorrow I meant tonight. It's tomorrow in some parts of the world, right?

Flannery’s gym is how I remember it: a place of torture where gym trainers sink under boiling water just to pop out at me. I wonder how many bodies are in these waters? Do their families know? Or do they believe their loved one vanished while coming home from work, and have never stopped looking for them?

Do they believe that of the girl I just murdered?

I know what you’re thinking. “Vira, aren’t you already under suspicion for intentionally causing the death of your Wingull? What the fuck happened now?”

Well, it’s a long story. <_<

It started off okay. I rode blocks of wood from room to room in the gym, looking for the leader. I remember that I used to be confused by the layout of this gym, but I have no trouble since the right path is conveniently guarded by trainers. It is one of these trainers I eventually approach. Oment the Lunatone is out in front, having recently learned Rock Slide while also helping me discover that his attack that I believed was Telekinesis was actually Psywave, proving he did have psychic attacks. When I approached this trainer, I was pleased and confident in my ability to win.

The trainer sent out her only Pokemon, a Meditite, and after considering my options, I replaced Oment with Lutris the Lombre. The Meditite spent their turn using Meditate, and I quickly countered with a Fake Out. The Meditite continued with Meditate while I used Bubblebeam, and this is the same for the next two turns. It stands as a testament of my arrogance that I thought nothing of this. I was too busy cooing over my fluffy black cat, who, after not getting the attention he wanted, had retreated to the top of my dresser and laid on all my papers.

When Meditite was in the red, I switched to Absorb, which I knew would kill it, but this Meditite proved faster and released a Fire Punch. It was here that I realized and I sat up in horror as this +3 Fire Punch tore through Lutris and sent him to the bottom of the pool. The Meditite glared at me from the other side of the room and behind it, I saw its trainer idly turning a broom over in her hands. This situation has many ways to go wrong, but speed has never been an issue for me. I release Evan the Voltorb, who finishes off the Meditite with Electro Ball. The trainer unfortunately gets electrocuted because she was standing in the water, but that wasn’t my fault. It’s okay, this gym knows how to cover up dead bodies, I can still continue my Nuzlocke.

But while it was easy getting in the gym, it proved hard to get out.

As I was running for the door, a ninja kid burst out of the water, sending out his Koffing before I could protest. Oment was out front, and I wanted to switch to Font the Skarmory, but Font was at half-health. I know Font can survive a Self-Destruct from a Koffing, but that was at full health. At the time, I wasn’t sure about Oment’s fighting ability, but looking at my team, Self-Destruct would kill anyone if I didn’t time this right. So, I stay in and began using Psywave. Because Psywave is weird, it’s not counted as a psychic attack, so I didn’t have a type advantage. Meanwhile, Koffing uses Sludge and poisons Oment and just when I healed him up, the Koffing uses Assurance, sending Oment down to yellow.

I needed to switch, but something held me back. Switching in Font was the smart thing to do, but would I prefer risking Font over Oment? Who was more valuable? I thought for a full minute and decided Oment would stay in, so I chose to heal him instead.

That very turn, Koffing uses Flamethrower.

I clutch my heart as Oment's Psywave finishes off the Koffing. I nearly lost Font to a gym trainer as well as Lutris. Oh my god. No wonder Flannery doesn’t mind covering up their deaths, they’re all murderers.

I go back to the Pokemon Center and place Lutris where he belonged, then switched Kalas the Drifloon for Froggie. I had forgotten to take Froggie back out and it felt sad to do so. I had a mono-water team for a while and now Froggie was the last one. My team was diverse, but at what cost?

Back at the gym, I challenge Flannery, sending Oment out first. Oment destroys the Slugma and Forggie handles the Numel, but the Torkoal was more challenging. I stay in with Froggie and use Water Pulse, but that is the only one I'm able to pull off before Torkoal uses Sunny Day. Yeah, fuck that. It was a good thing Froggie wasn’t the only one I took from the box, so I switch in Mage the Serviper as my free sub. Torkoal uses Curse, but I respond with Glare, paralyzing it. Overheat hits Mage with the force of one thousand suns, but Mage dies with honor.

Next up is Oment, but my Rock Slide does maybe 1/12 of health, which was stupid, but I have Psywave so it isn't terrible. Torkoal continues to hit me, setting Sunny Day back up, and not even my rock-typing could hold up for long. Once again, my back was against the wall. I couldn’t switch out without the risk of death, and in the end, Oment was the weakest link… but I trusted Oment and just when Oment is sent to red, he finishes off Torkoal with a Psywave.

Thus bringing my battle by fire to a close.

Brendan accosts me as I’m coming out and gives me goggles. He also offers to take me somewhere, but this time I’m wary and say no. I need a new Pokemon and I know just where to find one. I go straight to the desert and survey my options. I’d go for a Baltoy, but Oment has proved himself, so the desert doesn’t have anything I need. Oh well. I ran around for a bit, but nothing pops up. Geez, what’s with the encounter rate in this place? I run to the other side of the desert and that’s when things change.

In the north-eastern corner of the desert, I spy two rocks side-by-side in quicksand. I never considered them and I walk up, reading their names. It’s in French, I don’t know which is which, but I take the left one. I’m going to get a fossil! But just when I’m leaving, a Cacnea pops out and I consider my options.

Does taking this fossil count as my Pokemon for this area or would it count in the place where it’s resurrected? I got my egg from Lava Ridge and hatched it right by the desert area, so that egg was counted as Lava Ridge’s Pokemon. Precedent says that this fossil counts for the desert. However, I need a new grass-type. Would it be okay if I ditch the fossil before making it a Pokemon and take the Cacnea instead?

But isn’t this fossil a gift Pokemon? From the game to me, this Pokemon is to be Wonder Traded.

That line of thinking clinches my decision and I leave the Cacnea behind as I search for a way to resurrect the fossil. I want to Wonder Trade. I want a fire-type. That’s more important. But first I must get the Pokemon from this fossil.

I bike to Fallador, but the fossil guy won’t do anything. Aw, c’mon. I google it. Rustboro. Okay, I guess I was going in that direction. I race through Meteor Falls and ambush the relevant scientist in record time. I hand in my fossil, get a Lileep in return, and throw it into Wonder Trade. Lileep is under twenty, so I’m really at the mercy of-

…

Okay, fess up. Who sold their soul to get me this Pokemon?

Dratini. Male. Level 1. Marvel Scale. Iron Tail / Dragon Rush / Dragon Dance / Extreme Speed.

Jesus Christ.

Okay. Um. I will name him… Where’s my list of names… Thaumologist. Thaum for short.

Let’s see how this goes.

Current Team.
Froggie the Frogadier. L28, M. Canon Chant (?), Water Pulse, Toxic Spikes, Quick Attack.
Evan the Voltorb. L25, M. Charge Beam, Electro Ball, Swift, Charge Beam.
Zenzao the Machop. L25, M. Bulk Up, Rock Smash, Some Fighting Move, Sabotage (?).
Font the Skarmory. L24, F. Steel Wing, Peck, Swift, Air Cutter.
Oment the Lunatone. L23, M. Hypnosis, Rock Slide, Rock Polish, Psywave.
Thaumologist the Dratini. L1, M. Iron Tail, Dragon Rush, Dragon Dance, Extreme Speed.

Boxed.
Kalas the Drifloon. L1, M.

Rest in Peace.
Kang the Silcoon. L8, M. I suppose some butterflies aren't meant to be.
Seratin the Zubat. L12, M. You tried your best and that's all that matters.
Tinn the Whismur. L18, F. Yeah, my bad.
Shezza the Zigzagoon. L18, M. You did your duty.
Aekiel the Grimer. L17, M. Couldn't you have lasted more than five minutes?
Cheddar the Wingull. L23, F. I'll miss you. Goodbye.
Lutris the Lombre. L26, M. Godpeed, you dancing fool.
Mage the Serviper. L16, M. Ty, bro.

 

Well at least I'm the better one.

 

I've never actually used a Lunatone. Glad to be of service, apparently. (And you really need to get some levels in you for Norman, holy shit.) And it wasn't me who sold his soul - as several people will gladly tell you, I don't have one to sell.

Sabotage sounds Dark-type-y. Foul Play, Sucker Punch or something?

 

About that...

Before Oment's post was written, I went straight to Petalburg and challenged the gym. This gym is designed for Font the Skarmory and Zenzao the Machop. For those doors boasting of attack prowess, Font is there to prove why she was once part of the dreaded Skarmory / Blissey duo. For those with defense and armored walls, Zenzao’s ready to knock them down. Only one time were they challenged and that was the second last door. I had a choice between it and another, and seeing the other was labelled ‘Critical,’ surmised it liked hax. No thanks.

So, this other trainer sends out a Zangoose and I pause as Thaum the Dratini tries to look intimidating from lead position. I thought I chose the non-critical hit door? A shiver goes down my spine and as I switch in Font the Skarmory, the trainers uses an X-Attack. Oh god. I use Steel Wing, but it doesn’t do much, while the opposing Revenge does well over half. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I heal, and when the next Revenge comes, it does nearly half.

Okay. So, as long as I don’t attack, I won’t die in two hits. But I have to attack. I run my cursor down my Pokemon team menu, searching for an answer, but tear my hair in frustration. No one resists fighting! Zenzao could if he Bulked Up, but he won’t have time. The only thing I can do is keep Font in and hope that the Zangoose changes attacks, but in the next two turns, it doesn’t. It’s going to crit eventually. What do I do?

I toggle my items and it comes to me. All these losers are reliant on their X-Items. Well, two can play at that game! I use X-Defense on Font and next turn, X-Attack. With that, Revenge doesn’t do nearly as much, and Steel Wing eventually gets an attack boost. Zangoose is cleaved in two, and I run to the Pokemon Center, light-headed at the miracle.

When I turn to the gym again, I have a plan. I vaguely remember Norman’s team. Two Slakings, one lesser Slaking evolution. All normal-types, and with those abilities, I could sweep. I would sweep. I put Thaum in the back and lead with Zenzao. As soon as the battle starts, Slaking uses Yawn and I use Bulk Up, but the trick was on him, I gave Zenzao a sleep-curing berry. I know your moves, the way you fight. You can’t beat me.

I continue to Bulk Up and Slaking uses Encore. I can think of worse moves to be locked into and when Zenzao is Yawned again, I wake him up with an item. Finally, it comes time, and with one Vital Throw, the Slaking is defeated. Victory! The Virgroth poses no challenge as Zenzao tanks their only move to Vital Throw it out the window. Fuck yeah! The last Slaking is sent out. Now, here’s the thing. My game is in French. At the time of the battle, I didn’t know what move Vital Throw was. I only knew it was a 70 PP move with perfect accuracy. I didn’t understand or notice the move always went last.

So, I chose Vital Throw and the Slaking was faster. With one move I couldn’t identify, it flicked its finger and Zenzao died.

“NO,” I cried. How? I had five Bulk Ups! There was no critical hit! How?*

I look at my team and realize the mistake I’ve made. Why did I bring Thaum? Why didn’t I replace him with Kalas the Drifloon, who I could sacrifice? Did that matter? I have a free turn and I still don’t know who to send out. This Slaking is at level 30 with full HP. Font doesn’t have the attack power. I can’t use Thaum and Omnet needs his rock-type ass protected. I need damage. I need speed.

I chose Evan the Voltorb. While Slaking was loafing off, I use Charge Beam to get a special attack boost, and chose Volt Switch. But the Slaking, and I’m still not sure how, moves faster and uses Retaliate. Evan joins Zenzao on the floor and then I knew.

This is going to be a full party kill.

But that’s good right? Something like that could be played off as a dream. Maybe that’s better than to go on without Zenzao and Evan.

But I have to try.

I send out Font. She is the only one who could survive. I use Steel Wing over and over with a Super Potion every other turn. If nothing else, Slaking’s ability makes a victory possible. Eventually, I get an attack boost and despite everything, despite this Slaking, Font takes the flag of victory from Zenzao’s frozen grip and carries it across the finish line, finishing the Slaking off with a critical hit.

I don’t remember much after that. I end up in Mauville with HM Surf in my pocket and two spaces in my once six-Pokemon team. Zenzao and Evan were so close to evolving. It could have been great.

This is what I get for not levelling, so I take my three remaining Pokemon and clear all the trainers from the desert. Thaum the Dratini gets his first real taste of battle and after which, I stock up on items and venture east of Mauville. There is a Latias coming up and that meant a Wonder Trade. I activate a repel so I don’t get stuck with a random water Pokemon and meet Steven on the other side of the river.

A Latios requests our aid and we ride that Latios like a toy horse. Are you sure we’re not too heavy, buddy? On the island, we stand between Latias and two Aqua members, one who’s really big. Matt, I remember. Him and his fragile-ass Sharpedo. The battle begins and I lead with Froggie, Steven with Metang, and the Aquas with Sharpedo and Grimer. I start strong with a Surf, hitting everyone and getting Grimer to half health. Metang finishes off the Grimer while the Sharpedo uses Swagger on Froggie. I hit myself in confusion next turn, doing a lot, but the Sharpedo is already on the run, in yellow. I select Round to finish it off, but as soon as I do I realize Froggie will go last.

Everything slows down. Metang uses Metal Slash or something, putting Sharpedo into red. Sharpedo uses Slash or something, sending Froggie to red. Froggie is still confused. I know my mistake now. No, no. Froggie, please.

“Froggie is confused!”

Froggie turns to me and I know that face. It is the face of the doomed. It is the face that says, ‘You shouldn’t have done that.’

“Froggie hurts himself in confusion!”

NO.

“Froggie faints!”

NOOOOOOOOO.

I send in Font as Steven finishes off the Metang with a Bullet Punch. Latias joins my dwindling party, and I rush back to the Pokemon Center, but it is too late. Froggie is gone. My starter is gone. Everyone is gone.

There is only one thing left to do.

I put my Latias into Wonder Trade. She is at level thirty. Who comes out? A Clampearl comes out. Level 25. I can’t use him without evolution items, but I name him Halt.

I stare at my team.

I need more Pokemon. I need to train. This can’t end here. Not yet.

Current Team.
Font the Skarmory. L28, F. Steel Wing, Peck, Swift, Air Cutter.
Oment the Lunatone. L23, M. Hypnosis, Rock Slide, Rock Polish, Psywave.
Thaumologist the Dratini. L23, M. Thunder Wave, Dragon Rush, Dragon Dance, Extreme Speed.
Halt the Clampearl. L25, M. Surf, Clamp, Bubble, Who Knows.

Boxed.
Kalas the Drifloon. L1, M.

Rest in Peace.
Kang the Silcoon. L8, M. I suppose some butterflies aren't meant to be.
Seratin the Zubat. L12, M. You tried your best and that's all that matters.
Tinn the Whismur. L18, F. Yeah, my bad.
Shezza the Zigzagoon. L18, M. You did your duty.
Aekiel the Grimer. L17, M. Couldn't you have lasted more than five minutes?
Cheddar the Wingull. L23, F. I'll miss you. Goodbye.
Lutris the Lombre. L26, M. Godpeed, you dancing fool.
Mage the Serviper. L16, M. Ty, bro.
Zenzao the Machop. L27, M. Without you, everything would have ended. Your sacrifice won’t be in vain.
Evan the Voltorb. L25, M. I didn’t understand and that’s my fault. I should have prepared better.
Froggie the Froginder. L29, M. Ughhhhh.

*The move was Chip Away. It ignores the target’s stat boosts. Fuck this move.

 

Seratin You said your run was going to end in tears long before Vira's, but at this rate, that's going to be a challenge...

 

I've yet to sit down and type the latest update but it was pretty brutal for me. Granted, nowhere near as brutal as Vira's.

Commiserations, pokebro.

 

A quick update to prove to you guys I’m not on a suicide mission.

I went to the route north of the one I met Latias in to catch a Pokemon. I had hoped for an electric-type, but stumbled on a Gloom instead. I named him Monkey. I then went back to Mauville and cut through Venderurf to get to Rustboro. The route north of Rustboro interested me, but I found nothing there except for the sea. Eh, maybe there’s an item further in the water. I rode Halt the Clampearl and surfed and surfed and found undiscovered land. Seriously, has this been here the whole time? My Pokemon tracker assured me there was grass here, so I travelled until I found it. I found a Wingull. Font the Skarmory tried to help, but killed it. Oh well.

After grabbing all the items there, I went back to Rustboro and then to Petalburg. I could catch a Marill in these waters and that’s what I wanted, but as I ran across the shore, a cry caught my attention. It was familiar. Not quite a Marill, I thought. A Surskit? But then I saw those rabbit ears in the water and turned right around to buy a Repel. Two minutes later, TMD the Azumarill joined the party.

I boxed Halt and made my way to the sea, wherein my team of five proceeded to drown every trainer I came across. Luckily, my typing was diverse enough to find a counter for everything. Tentacools bugging my new fairy? Have a Monkey. Pellipers being stupidly bulky? Hi, here’s a TMD for the road. Anyone posing problems? DRAGON RUSH GOGOGOGOGO THAUM-

When I landed at Stateport, my team had gleaming new muscles. Also, Thaum evolved. And that is my training montage report. Enjoy your day.

Current Team.
Font the Skarmory. L32, F. Steel Wing, Peck, Secret Power, Air Cutter.
Oment the Lunatone. L30, M. Hypnosis, Rock Slide, Rock Polish, Psychic.
Thaumologist the Dragonair. L32, M. Thunder Wave, Dragon Rush, Dragon Dance, Extreme Speed.
Monkey the Gloom. L31, M. Poison Powder, Stun Spore, Moonlight, Mega Drain.
TMD the Azumarill. L31, M. Surf, Aqua Tail, Play Rough, Who Knows.

Boxed.
Kalas the Drifloon. L1, M.
Halt the Clampearl. L25, M.

Rest in Peace.
Kang the Silcoon. L8, M. I suppose some butterflies aren't meant to be.
Seratin the Zubat. L12, M. You tried your best and that's all that matters.
Tinn the Whismur. L18, F. Yeah, my bad.
Shezza the Zigzagoon. L18, M. You did your duty.
Aekiel the Grimer. L17, M. Couldn't you have lasted more than five minutes?
Cheddar the Wingull. L23, F. I'll miss you. Goodbye.
Lutris the Lombre. L26, M. Godpeed, you dancing fool.
Mage the Serviper. L16, M. Ty, bro.
Zenzao the Machop. L27, M. Without you, everything would have ended. Your sacrifice won’t be in vain.
Evan the Voltorb. L25, M. I didn’t understand and that’s my fault. I should have prepared better.
Froggie the Froginder. L29, M. Ughhhhh.
Poytin the Gyarados. L26, M. Eh.*

*Yeah, I caught a Magikarp in the sea. He evolved one level later and proceeded to die to a stupid ass Pelipper. I had an Azumarill though, so I didn't care.