This isn't a funny worst review - just... literally the worst review.

- An anonymous reviewer on a story where the author killed himself out of depression​

Jesus.

 

First of all: Holy fuck

Secondly: What are they even trying to prove by posting that? I can't help but feel that this is someone pretending to be hard and edgy by being a twat

 

I know. That is terrible. I mean, how many times can you misspell 'you're' in a two sentence review.

 

I post a new update. I dropped a fucking nuke in it. This reader has their priorities straight though:

In a story where Luna hasn't shown up in 200k words, and the "romance" was a third rate background subplot, they want me to pair Harry with some Fluer person who I don't even know who that is.

 

How fucking difficult is it to spell Fleur?

 

Almost as hard as spelling Harry or Tom.

 

Some idiot literally left a bunch of reviews on each chapter of my WIP and each one is some stupid gibberish like 'nvani' or 'bmhfhg'. I PMd asking them to stop and they replied with "why wouldn't you want reviews, or at least the count going up?"

I have no words.

 

Neither did the reviews.

Sadly, there are a few pathetic souls out there that probably would take a bump in their review count, no matter what form it came in (other than flames... and honest critique).

 

I don't know if it's a bot or an actual person, it seems similar to Joe's.

http://imgur.com/uAVmfX0

http://imgur.com/8v4UxTV

 

So I just posted an update to Hallowed, and this is one of the reviews I got.

Anyone care to offer an interpretation?

 

Tc= Tough chapter perhaps. Maybe your writing is to technical for him to understand.

 

Is it this twat? grovepjp

Because I got a similar review from them and when I asked what they meant, they replied "Thanks"

Gee, couldn't you have said that in the fucking review box, asshole? It's only four more letters.

 

That's the one, yeah.

 

I'm not an author, but I beta Circular Reasoning and occasionally peek at reviews to see how things are received. And I need to vent. Swimdraconian, smack me if this is rude. So these just went up on chapter 6 and 7 respectively, same reviewer.

So, okay. This is better reasoned and written than the vast majority of reviews. It's also actually useful in terms of demonstrating how the elements lifted from Dresden can be confusing. The disclaimer mentions using things from Dresden and Abhorsen, but doesn't clarify what will or won't be used. Confusion is understandable, although I'd think not making assumptions is the obvious way to go. This is just someone laboring under some serious misapprehensions about what's actually going on. It happens.

But holy shit, does this bother me. At first I thought it was just because it was so abrasive, but that's not it. Someone who is abrasive and wrong is easy to ignore. Someone who is abrasive and right is useful enough to discard the annoyance. This is honestly somewhere in between, but that isn't it either.

What gets me is the implication that you actually do have to spell things out for people in order to expect a reasonable chance of them catching on. It's the apparent inconceivability of trusting that the author might know what they're doing. Mab is in this? Of course mantles work the same way and Knights are definitely a thing that exists. And if the courts exist, Outsiders must exist too, how's that going to factor in, you're just ignoring it. And hey, that means Lily and Petunia were both changelings, they must have had to make the choice, which means they both know about all this. Petunia really doesn't read right, considering, what a hack job.

It wouldn't bother me so much if the reviewer weren't capable of stringing words together coherently. Or if it was more confusion than certainty "you're doing it wrong." But how are you supposed to write when even the -dare I say- smarter than average readers need you to explicitly explain every goddamned thing you're doing? Possibly even because fanfiction has trained them to expect to know exactly what's going on, on a couple different levels.

Head>Desk

Maybe I should assume the smarter readers just don't review? Or only live on DLP? Is that the less depressing option here?

I suspect people who write may have known about this all along, but I was unprepared. I knew it was bad, just not that bad. Kudos to everyone who persists anyway, I guess. You crazy bastards.

 

Personally I'm just baffled at the implication that because Mab exists, everything Dresden must therefore exist as well.

 

I got one of those today for Mage's Epoch. "Tx." I had no idea what it meant.

 

It means that the person posting the review is a dumb twat that should be blocked and forgotten about.

 

Huh.
13thadaption You know, ff.net never even sent me those reviews. It's like they realized just how irrelevant the content was to the story. It was a little bit irksome, but honestly? I'm not writing for that kind of reader. I'm not going to hold anyone's hand. Keep the fuck up or bow out.

Thing is, most of those misapprehensions would have been assuaged if they'd read the story instead of looking for what they wanted to see. Some of that may be due to reading incomprehension too. Besides I'd much rather a reader wait til the end to tell me how it is. It's like reviewing a roller coaster after only strapping yourself in - what's the point if you haven't even experienced the ride?

Of course at 235k and counting, Circular Reasoning can be a bit intimidating to sink your teeth into (ba-dum-tsh!) before leaving a singular review. You said it best:

And Youtube videos are a lot easier to digest. I understand if you need to bring your Stadium Pal.

 

Why does FFN need trigger warnings?
I never got the point of them. If it makes you uncomfortable, close the tab. If you sense something is too hard for you, the previous lines will build in. Again, close the tab. Read something else.

Don't tell authors to pander to your easily-offended sensibilities. Millenials and their fucking safe space bullshit.

 

This is possibly a bit off topic, but there was at least one "bad review" referencing a lack of warnings, and I've been thinking about the issue lately, so why not?

First, I agree with you on a fundamental, gut level. You don't get warnings on books or pretty much any other media, why would it be so important here? I crash landed into fandom after innocently looking up an anime, and promptly ended up with an eyeful of gay incest erotica. I was quite young and honestly shocked and uncomfortable. But shit, I noped out of there and it's not like it did me any harm. And that's not even getting into the issue of forewarning readers about things better left to the narrative.

But to play devil's advocate, if you're writing hardcore cannibalism smut you might want to warn people. Maybe not if you're in the Hannibal fandom and can assume a certain tolerance among readers, or if it's partway through a suitably dark story where it's not totally out of left field. But slapping 3000 words of it under an explicit rating with the summery "The night Harry and Ginny became one" would be pretty questionable. I mean, troll on, but you can't really be confused or upset by angry reviews.

That's admittedly a hyperbolic example. So say you're not interested in slash. You're reading a plotty Indy!Harry type thing with a bunch of OC's, 30k in and liking it. Then Harry's friendship with a male OC turns into a make out session. What the hell, you didn't sign on for this! No one warned you at the beginning, or you wouldn't have started reading and gotten involved with this stupid story. Harry wasn't gay in canon and it wasn't clearly telegraphed in the story or marked as slash. What the hell author?

How different is that from someone with no tolerance for sexual violence getting into the same story, but 30k in is an incidence of/reference to sexual assault? What the hell, they wouldn't have read this far if they'd known content like that was on the table. The world it's set in isn't notably darker than canon, it wasn't warned about, what the hell author?

Does one or both of these people have a legitimate reason to be upset? I think the author might have a good case for including real world/off canon concerns that shouldn't be inconceivable regardless, but that doesn't help the blindsided reader.

And all that doesn't even account for the difference between being upset and being traumatized. I can not imagine being "triggered" by words on a screen; my brain does not do that. But a lot of people seem to agree it's a problem, so what do I know? I try not to be the white person explaining why Black Lives Matter is unnecessary or misconceived. I've occasionally been on the other side of that kind of reasoned but warped outsider perspective, I remember the gap in understanding. I don't get triggered, I don't understand the reality, I am ignorant. I can still have opinions about the legitimacy of the problem, but having acknowledged my ignorance I have to admit I may not be right. So sure, triggers are a thing, fanfiction is dangerous. I'll take your word for it, or at least keep my mouth closed. If I occasionally screenshot particularly egregious examples of thin skin and triggers everywhere, well, I won't actively make fun of the participants.

But I'm still not going to slap trigger warnings all over everything. I'm not obliged to or interested in creating a safe space for anyone if I'm writing. I'd use a warning that there are no warnings, that seems fair, but that's probably all you get. Proceed with caution