Fun fact: During the 80's enough women actually tried using diet coke to flush themselves out after sex that it produced a study about coke being used as a spermicide. The study proved that it didn't actually work and that condoms and birth control pills are still the best way to avoid accidental pregnancy.

 

Yeah, I'm aware of the myth. It's just a fast track to infections. Nothing but water belongs there.

 

The most cringy one I've heard of is kids saying that crisp packets are a good alternative to a condom. I'm not sure if they were taking the piss, but that's got to be terrible.

 

Huh, the things people will do.

https://belleofblablaland.com/2014/11/07/people-britain-cling-film-sandwich-bags-condom/

 

This is the problem with mankind. The stupid procreate because they're stupid.

 

Signage. The plural of sign is signs you officious, little office hobbits. Adding a syllable to make the word sound more important makes me think that you're one step away from talking about synergies, core values, and leveraging success.

 

If we're going to go with management blather, then "going forward" can just go to Hell. Or Kansas, whichever.

 

relevant: https://youtu.be/1WGrmTJnfIg

 

And dicks. Dildos, assorted toys, etc. Also tongues if you're into that.

 

I agree up to an extent, but will quibble (perhaps corrupted by a professional stake). In my usage at least, "signs" indicates more than one sign; "signage" indicates a system of signs. A subtle but perhaps defensible distinction.

 

Yeah, as an officious office hobbit who just organised signage for an entire campus:

This sign is shit.
These doors have shitty signs.
This entire campus has fucking nonsensical signage.

I guess I'm hitting Taure's trigger there.

For me, it's less and fewer.

 

Gosh, could we compare notes. Just today found an ADA directional halfway up a flight of stairs.

(On topic: it's anyway, you guys, not anyways.)

 

I'm very annoyed by the phrase "My precious" being used in a non-joking manner in anything other than Tolkien's work. "My precious hair!" being the most annoying one I've seen recently.
I've never met anyone who used that phrase with any regularity, and it just takes me out of a story to see it. Makes dialogue a lot less believable instantly.

 

THIS!!!
followed of course by the qualifier "no offense"

because yeah, we are really convinced that you totally didn't mean to offend someone you just spoke shit about

 

"I'm not a racist, but..."

 

"None taken"

Yeah, because those words clearly made harmless the previous offence. Let's be stupid.

 

"Nothing before the 'but' counts" is my standard rejoinder to that sentence structure. Possibly followed by a short rant on egotistical views that don't accurately reflect how communication actually works.

Frankly, the entire suite of "just saying it like it is" remarks can go die in a fire.

A tad niche, but I've a seething hatred of people who inform others that adversity is a challenge or some similar blend of management lingo meets new agey self-help blathering. It's often the verbal equivalent of populist campaign promises: once they actually have to deal with the issue, either by you asking them for help or by being affected themselves, they'll do anything to not help you or just ignore the issue outright.

-edit- Also, management lingo in general is an abomination that should be purged from existence.

 

The buzzword descendant of this being 'On a go-forward basis'.

To cope, I mentally change it to "On a go-fuck yourself basis." Makes all of our meetings much better.

 

Perhaps 'going fuck-ward' would better capture the essence of meaning.

 

we used to play buzzword bingo at every meeting we had to attend when I worked for one of the large financial institutions. it was the only way to get through those meetings with sanity intact.
probably the one I hate the most:
"action" as in I will action that today