Title: The Jaded Series Year I
Author: OblivionsPuppet
Category: Indpendent
Status: Ongoing
Summary: He was not anyone's hero, he would not be their symbol. He had his own ambitions, he had his own goals. Harry James Potter was going to live his life according to his own rules and what was best for him. What the first year of Hogwarts will hold for Harry
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2315860/1/


I liked this one... I didn't see this posted anywhere so I thought I'd put it up.

 

read it a while ago, good fic. Love the name by the way

 

The fic name or my sn?

 

Why, Die Ginny Die of chorse, what else?

 

Why thank you. I just thought about what really brings us all together and this is what you get -

<---

 

heh, yeah

 

i must certainly agree with zUzaque your name is a symbol of hope for me DIE GINNY DIE, may the trashy whore rot in a gutter somewhere. O.K the story... it's good i like it, his actually portrayed well as an independent boy,so yeh good stuff.

 

*shrugs* i reda it... i like it as a time killer but... nothing worth serious time investment .. its on my story alerts so blah

 

Okay. The beginning was great. There was a heavily thought out plot. The characterization of Harry was pretty much perfect. And the author came up with a creative excuse for the maturity of his characters - early magical puberty. The House of Potter's monetary condition was also a unique idea. Grammer and spelling were very good. I was giving it a 4.5/5 by chapter 5. Of all the stories with Independent!Harry before Hogwarts, I'd have to say that this one was one of the best. Unfortunately, most bog down in Hogwarts, so I was watching out for that. Then came the Wizengamot meeting...

Apart from what I'm going to attack below, it was below expectations. First came an orphanage budget problem Harry fixed. Fudge should've agreed with Harry, but still very good.

Then came a werewolf bill. Three problems:

1. Harry immediately attacks it. Where in the world did he start giving a fuck about werewolf rights in the story?

2. Harry attacks it. It's horrible politics. He's just an incoming power; he should've done what the others did and give no comment. He's just made an enemy of the House of Malfroy and Fudge. Allying with werewolves doesn't heal the wound; they're not so powerful.

3. Why doesn't Dumbledore or somebody else more experienced in politics attack the bill?

Therefore, I'd say that this part is merely o.k. due to plot holes. Still a great story. But then...

This completely destroyed the story. My jaw literally dropped open in shock. Seven problems:

1. Harry immediately attacks it. Where in the world did he start giving a fuck about abortion in the story?

2. Harry attacks it. It's horrible politics. He's just an incoming power; he should've done what the others did and give no comment. He's just made an enemy of the a bunch of minor houses and Lady Davero - a powerful political figure, if the author's description is correct.

3. Lady Davero is completely OOC compared to how the author described her. Surely such a powerful figure wouldn't get support from everybody by yelling? It should be Harry who gets his temper up and yells.

4. Why does everybody support Harry? They agreed beforehand to support Lady Davero. Look at what the author wrote beforehand where everybody supported the werewolf bill despite Harry's comments.

5. Why in the world is Harry the only person that speaks out in the Wizengamot meeting? Make somebody else speak for more than 10 seconds.

6. The author has completely made Harry Potter a Gary-Stu. I can tell immediately from this that the author is creating a dream world where he is Harry Potter and Lady Davero is Nancy Pelosi. It violates basic writing principles. I'm going to just change several words a bit in the quote. You get...

(btw, OblivionsPuppet is an American; that's why I'm not talking about Parliament and the Prime Minister in Britain)

7. The author has connected politics and fiction. Never do that. It only makes people stop reading your writing, creates a biased view from your side, causes self-insertions, and makes you look like a bigot.

So. I gave him a 4.5 before.

Take away one point for self-insertion.

Take away another point for putting politics where it doesn't belong.

Take away a third point because I'm pro-choice and completely disagree with the author.

So you get 1.5/5.

Such a potentially great story gone to waste. But I'll give this author points for being completely unique in ruining his story; I've yet to see another story ruined by politics.

 

I wouldn't say it was quite that bad, Elf Lover. Whilst the politics within the story were awkward at best and retarded at worst, it still has the capability in redeeming itself, though unlikely.

I'm gonna keep an eye on it for now.

 

Did you even read the fic, or just skim through the politicts parts? There are reasons for each action he made, and he refers to them multiple times, you're nitpicking about stupid bullshit, seriously.

 

Is this fic completely discontinued? The authors note said that the first year was done but I havent been able to find it posted anywhere.

 

*facepalms* Just PM the author.

 

If the author hasn't done shit in over two years, what makes you think that he will now?