Title: Shitty Chef Anon
Author: PeteQ
Rating: M (it came from 4chan)
Genre: Comedy
Fandom: My Little Pony
Status: Complete
Library Category: Other Fandoms
Pairings: NA
Summary: "It's so nice of you to cook for me Anon! So, what's for dinner?"
Links:
Pastebin
Desustorage of the thread, and part two

Okay, so first of all - this is a greentext story. So it's in second person, told from the viewpoint of Anon (actually the character's name), and uses > to start most lines. As such, this can be quite an offputting thing to read, but I've been reading green for about 4 years, and I do find it generally okay, as long as authors follow the normal rules (start every line with > unless the viewpoint character changes. The viewpoint needs stating. Stupid humour and injokes galore).

I already follow PeteQ in the hope of one day getting an update to his Janitor Anon series, which was how I found this in the first place. Thankfully, he's an author who only tends to publish finished "chapters", and this is basically a single chapter.

It may have just been because I was tired, but I was laughing until I cried a few times through this, and had to put my tablet down because laughing that much on a train just isn't done.

Anon is an asshole. He lies to everything. He gets violent, commits arson, and creates ungodly atrocities that should never have seen the light of day. He doesn't have any decent redeeming features, other than I find it fun to just watch how much of anything he can destroy in any given timeframe.

So, Anon invited Twilight Sparkle over to his house so he could cook a meal for her. There's a problem with this.
Anon can't actually cook.
Like, at all.
So after nearly burning down his house, he serves her warmish baked beans on chargrilled toast, served with dishwater in the can the beans came in, which he had to saw open.
Can openers are not intuitive.
Instead of Twilight refusing, and then ordering in pizza, she goes for it. And loves it.
Everyone loves it.
Somehow, Anon's food is a culinary revolution. Whatever it is that he does to the food, it is literally the best thing anyone has ever eaten in their entire lives.
So the obvious thing to do is enter a cooking competition, ensuring he wears as many comedic aprons as he can.

One of the best things I've read recently.

5/5 from me.

 

Okay. It's really stupid. Really, really stupid. It had occasional typos. But goddamn if I wasn't laughing my ass off. So that's a 4/5 from me. Really, I ought to give it a 2, but, as I said before, I laughed too hard.