Entry 2:

Harry had been staring at the back of Cho Chang's head for the better part of twenty minutes, and he was fairly certain that if she turned around now, the expression on his face would be enough to get him committed to the hospital wing.

It was Wednesday. Double Herbology had been cancelled on account of a Venomous Tentacula that had got loose and was, according to Professor Sprout, "feeling a bit frisky," which meant Harry had a free period he hadn't expected and absolutely no idea what to do with it. He'd gone to the library with the vague intention of looking up something useful for the second task, but that plan had fallen apart the moment he'd spotted Cho sitting at one of the tables near the Restricted Section, a Charms textbook open in front of her and a quill tucked behind her ear.

She was with Marietta Edgecombe, the two of them whispering about something. Every now and then Cho would laugh, quiet enough not to draw Madam Pince's wrath but loud enough that Harry could hear it three tables away, and each time, something behind his ribs did a strange lurching thing that he didn't care to examine too closely.

Ron would have told him to stop being pathetic and just go over there.Hermione would have told him to stop being ridiculous, that Cho was a perfectly normal person and there was no reason he couldn't simply walk over and have a conversation.

Easy for Hermione to say. Hermione had never tried to talk to Cho Chang while her stomach was actively trying to crawl up through her throat.

Harry turned a page of Fantastic Water-Dwelling Creatures of the Scottish Highlands without reading a word of it. The Yule Ball was nine days away. Nine days. He still didn't have a partner, and every time he thought about it, a low, grinding sort of dread settled in his chest, not unlike the feeling he'd had standing in the champions' tent before the first task, except that at least with the Horntail he'd known roughly what he was meant to do.
Marietta was getting up. Harry watched from behind his book as she said something to Cho, squeezed her arm, and made for the library doors. Cho pulled the quill from behind her ear and bent over her textbook, and a curtain of dark hair fell forward across her face.

She was alone.

Harry's mouth went very dry.

Just go over there. You fought a dragon. You can talk to a girl.

Except fighting the dragon had been simple: fly, dodge, grab the egg, don't die. There'd been no confusion about what success looked like. Asking a girl to a dance was a completely different sort of problem.

But the Ball was in nine days, and he'd have to walk in with someone, and if he didn't ask Cho then someone else would. Someone like Cedric Diggory, who was tall and good-looking and who actually seemed to know what to do with his face when girls were around.

The thought of Diggory asking Cho hit him like a Bludger to the stomach.

Harry closed his book, stood up, and crossed the library before his legs could check with his brain about whether this was a good idea.

"Hi," he said.

Cho looked up. Her eyes were very dark, and this close he could see a small ink smudge on her left thumb. She blinked.

"Oh. Hi, Harry."

She smiled, and his mind promptly went blank. Completely, catastrophically blank, like someone had taken a great eraser and wiped every thought he'd ever had clean off the slate. He was standing in front of Cho Chang. She was smiling at him. He needed to say words now, in some kind of order, and his brain was offering him absolutely nothing.

"I was just," he started, and then stopped, because he had absolutely no way to finish the sentence. He gestured vaguely at the table. "Studying."

"Me too." Cho glanced down at her textbook. "Flitwick's essay on Substantive Charms. It's awful."

"Right," said Harry. "Yeah."

A silence opened up between them that felt approximately nine years long. Harry could hear the blood in his ears. Somewhere in the library, Madam Pince was hissing at a second-year.

He thought of the Horntail. He thought of the way the fear had been there, huge and paralyzing, and he'd flown anyway.

"Look," he said, and his voice came out slightly strangled but it came out, "are you going to the Ball with anyone?"

Cho's quill stopped. She looked up at him, and for a moment she just studied his face. Harry made himself hold still, though every instinct he had was telling him to look at his shoes.

"No," she said. "Not yet."

"Would you want to go with me?"

Cho didn't answer straight away. She tucked her hair behind her ear, and Harry saw her glance, very quickly, toward the library doors, as though checking whether someone might walk through them. His stomach dropped.
"Sorry," he said, too fast. "If you don't want to, that's—"

"No, I do." She looked back at him, and she was smiling again. "It's just… someone else mentioned he might ask me, and I wasn't sure if he was going to, so I was sort of waiting."

Harry's insides went cold. "Oh."

"But he hasn't asked," Cho said. "And you have." She met his eyes properly. "Yes. I'd like to go with you, Harry."
He stood there for a few seconds, not entirely sure he'd heard her correctly.

"Great," he said. "That's… yeah. Great."

 

Spoiler: spoiler

First line was such a nice work until twenty minutes kicked in. Such a definite time always take away in my opinion, but still a good start that makes clear what we are reading. Good grasp of inner turmoil of green teen, I think, it was funny to read something that I have also been through a long time ago though I didn't have dragon comparison to turn to.

That said, the asking itself is a bit bland in a way that it doesn't show us any further potential twist. It's perfectly alright, well written piece but I think it lacks something more than the prompt verbatim expressed. If this turns into a full comp piece all I get is a generic teen fumbsly love story which in itself is fine thing if done well but yeah. If you have some twists turns or surprises in mind, I'd suggest worming some foreshadowing in this part because there has to be reason for these words outside he asked her, and was very awkward about it.

 

Spoiler

Good opening, but I kept expecting a little twist that just wasn't there. He psyches himself up to ask, he's all nervous - and then things go off without a single hitch, which makes the previous drama feel kind of wasted.

I'm not saying you need to pull out something shocking, but as is it's just a really ordinary scene. Give it a little twist. Maybe he catches her after Quidditch practice instead and it slips out before he can think twice. Maybe she lays out some sort of demand or something. I don't know, but it needs something more than what it's got.

 

Spoiler

Committed to St Mungo’s surely? Not hospital wing.

I like your writing a lot. Like a lot lot. The descriptions of how Cho makes Harry feel in the first paragraphs are especially great. It’s a bit rom-commy, maybe pushing the boundaries of canon Harry but I don’t really want you to change that.

I will say a twist at the end would push this even further. But maybe that’s coming if you continue it? We want butterfly effect.

 

Spoiler

I like how simple this scene is. There aren't any twists, or dark undertones... it's just a slice of life of an awkward magical boy trying to ask out his crush. I enjoyed the internal sass from Harry and the sheer awkward teenage nature of it all. Yes, it is a bit on the nose at times with it's romance but it does make the reader feel. I do agree with the others that a twist on the end would make it stand out further.