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Complete Harry Potter: The Forgotten Brother by sprinter1988

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by James, Nov 30, 2015.

1.6000000238419/5, 20 votes
  1. James

    James Unspeakable

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    Nov 30, 2015 #1
    Title: Harry Potter: The Forgotten Brother
    Author: sprinter1988
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Friendship
    Words: 99k+
    Published: Jun 5, 2011
    Status: Complete
    Library Category: Almost Recommended
    Pairings: Harry/Hermione/Luna
    Summary: For years, the world has hailed Arnold Potter as the Boy-Who-Lived. For years Arnold was said to be the one who will throw down Voldemort. But now Arnold is dead, and the world turns its attentions to Harry. Mostly H/Hr/L. Finished.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7053661/1/

    This story is totally average, with some relatively well made things and some bad things. Not worthy Library, but something I'd Almost Recommend, if you have no HP fanfic to read.

    Minuses first:
    - Wrong Boy-Who-Lived
    - "Evil!Dumbles" vibes
    - Dumb James
    - OP Harry, OP Lily, OP Hermione (with touch of awesomeness, though)
    - It's by HHr shipper, so… yeah.
    - Takes some magic/effects from the fucking movies

    Pluses:
    + Touch of mystery in the beginning
    + Some fights are rather well done
    + Writing is okay. Not awesome, but also no "Dumbles could of givn Sirius trail"
    + Good people die.

    2.5/5 = 3/5
     
  2. kiaq

    kiaq First Year

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    Dec 1, 2015 #2
    I definitely thought from the title that this would be about Harry discovering his African heritage
     
    Crownworthy, Moldyolive, Hari Seldon, frantic, Kinser, Nerdman3000, FriedIce, James, Philemon, Panther, Ashton Knight, Invictus, Telrath, Himuradono, Matian, Pure Infinity, Plotless, Ashan, salts, Red, newageofpower
  3. Blandge

    Blandge Second Year DLP Supporter

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    Dec 1, 2015 #3
    Couldn't even make it past the third chapter (which is just 1210 words). I'll withhold a vote since I didn't read very far in, but I couldn't give it more than a 1/5 based on what I read.
     
  4. Download

    Download Auror ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Dec 1, 2015 #4
    I remember reading this when I was new to the fandom. It's was barely readable then and awful now.

    1/5. I would give it a zero if I could.
     
  5. theimmortalhp

    theimmortalhp Third Year

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    Dec 2, 2015 #5
    First paragraph:
    Complete misuse of semi-colons
    Run-on sentences
    The very first sentence is pretty much a list of information about Arnold Potter

    First 300 words:
    "Light side"
    Awful sentence lengths
    "fickle wizarding public"

    First chapter:
    Spends hundreds of words listing which good guys support which leaders like some sort of political fact sheet
    Dumbledore forgot about Harry Potter trope
    Lots of info dump

    I could go on for the rest of the story, but quite frankly, that's a waste of everyone's time: 1/5.
     
  6. Stan

    Stan Order Member

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    Dec 2, 2015 #6
    The title tells you everything you need to know about the story.
     
  7. James

    James Unspeakable

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    Dec 3, 2015 #7
    Surprisingly, not really.

    But I understand why this might be not as good timewaster for other people.
     
  8. Dicra

    Dicra Groundskeeper ⭐

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    Dec 3, 2015 #8
    The author writes bullshit now and did so three years ago. 1/5
    Not original, full of bashing and generally not very interesting to read.
     
  9. Absolutista

    Absolutista Fifth Year

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    Dec 4, 2015 #9
    If you think this story is something you'd "almost recommend", why didn't you submit it for review in the Almost Recomended subforum?
    Not trying to be a dick or anything, just genuinely curious.
     
  10. Eternity Lost

    Eternity Lost Squib

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    Dec 4, 2015 #10
    Far too descriptive.

    Other BWL with hints of neglect.

    Poor choice of subject matter and poor execution.

    1/5
     
  11. James

    James Unspeakable

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    Dec 4, 2015 #11
    Because i couldn't post there. Seeing as I have over 100 posts, I thought that I should post here and once it has enough ratings, it will be moved to appropriate section - trash bin/almost recd/library.
     
    Absolutista
  12. kregle

    kregle Squib

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    Dec 4, 2015 #12
    like many on this thread, I also did not find this story to my liking :/
     
  13. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Dec 4, 2015 #13
    This is not good writing. It's not terrible from a technical standpoint (though not particularly great, as there are several unforced errors), but the premise of the story is lame, something it doesn't recover from several chapters in. The protagonists aren't sympathetic (killing someone for trespassing?) and the bashing is inelegant and overt.

    On balance, I'd give it a 2/5.
    OkiGO : if the OP deemed the story 3/5 and it's more than a few chapters, then it's appropriate to put it up for review and let the community decide where it ends up.
     
    Alindrome, Absolutista
  14. Quiddity

    Quiddity First Year ~ Prestige ~

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    Dec 5, 2015 #14
    None of the library threads, or Almost Recommended, can have threads created in directly. For each one you need to make a thread here and then wait for the community to decide.

    The OP has done nothing wrong, even if we responded more harshly to it than he anticipated.
     
  15. Kinser

    Kinser Fourth Year

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    Dec 20, 2015 #15
    Once one gets past the cliche story premise, the poor grammar of the first chapter, and the whole thing mostly telling instead of showing, we are left with a completely mediocre story.

    2.5/5 rounding to 3/5. Honestly I liked it in a guilty pleasure sort of way, but it could have been much better executed.
     
  16. tanogaitan

    tanogaitan Squib

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    Dec 21, 2015 #16
    Couldn't get past the second chapter. It's a definite no-no for me.
     
  17. Kinser

    Kinser Fourth Year

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    Dec 21, 2015 #17
    I did get to the part where she started to explain a bit about wizarding America being a Pureblood controlled Dark controlled continent. I must say that was unique. Not enough to raise my rating but an idea that is worth exploring sometime.