Title: Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived
Author: pureb99
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure/General
DLP Category: General
Pairing: Non so far
Chapters: 12 (ff.net)
Chapters: 17 (DLP-Work by Author)
Words: 147,796 (ff.net)
Updated: Jan 4, 2015 (ff.net)
Published: Sep 4, 2009
Status: Abandoned
Summary: Harry Potter loves, and is loved by, his parents, his godfather, and his brother. He isn’t mistreated, abused, or neglected. So why is he a Dark Wizard? NonBWL!Harry. Not your typical Harry’s brother is the Boy Who Lived story.

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5353809/1/Harry_Potter_and_the_Boy_Who_Lived
Link WbA: Here.

Social Group: https://forums.darklordpotter.net/group.php?groupid=183
Please use the social group to discuss the story.


As the summary says this is not a typical wrong BWL story. First is, Harry's brother is not wrongly claimed as the chosen one. Yes, Harry Potter in this fic is not the BWL and he is not abused or ignored by his parents. On contrary he is loved.

There are only two chapters and 18K words so the length of the chapters are satisfactory. The update rate is fine as the author said it would be like every 2 or 3 weeks. While i do not believe the number of reviews will show how good a fic is, so far it has 134 reviews and that's a really good rate for 2 chapters for a NON-slash story in fanfiction.net

It starts from year 1 and will go on from there. He is not sorted into Slytherin. Currently Harry considers transferring from Hogwarts to Durmstrang. Enough spoiling. The characterization of the brothers are done very well. At first you could think Harry will be uber powerful but that's not the case. The author is toning it so far acceptable.

Just give it a go. I will rate it 4/5


Checked by Minion, August 4, 2016
Labelled as Abandoned

 

Interesting start in any case. Could become the best BWL story but that's not saying much. 4/5 for now.

 

Cool start so far. I try to keep away from Harry stories with a brother and what not, giving the tendencies of them. 4/5 For now.

 

It's alright, but the guys other stuff is absolute shit, so I'm dubious. 4/5 for now.

 

Good start. It's not often that my attention is captured by a not!boywholived fic or twin!wholived fic.

Despite remembering not liking the authors other story (Dark Lord Potter) when I tried to read it a year or two ago, this is a very excellent story so far.

I like the character progression that we see; it really is amazing how a simple thirst for knowledge (and talent) can lead to alienation of one's peers, resulting in Harry's bitter/jealous feelings towards his brother and his life at Hogwarts, with the end result of him believably transferring out even though the story is only 2 chapters old.

Given, he is a bit !super, but it is very believable considering he's been tutored by his parents since age 8. He's not shooting fireballs out of his ass or anything like what you see in your usual Super!Harry fics.

The only real problem I see coming in this fic is that the author will have to create an entire new school, curriculum, and a host of OC's. We don't know too much about Durmstrang, so it will be quite the challenge for him to pull it off without alienating readers with annoying OC's and excessive description.

Do want more.

 

I also like it. Unfortunately he makes up shit to bash Hogwarts bashing to make Durmstrang look better.

It's hard not to wince at the execution of getting Harry out of Hogwarts. Ravenclaws badgering Harry to basically do their homework? Yeah the fuck right.

pureb99's technics have improved significantly, but the reliance on severe contrivance is still there.

3/5 at this point. Needs something unique to distinguish itself (which could very well be the presentation of Durmstrang). I'm no longer giving free points for simply avoiding cliches that should never have been used in the first place.

 

The coincidences required to keep him from becoming Hermione's best friend and allowing the Golden Trio to form are a bit of a stretch, and Ravenclaw house as a whole is a bit OOC, both with Flitwick outright discouraging extra help and the housemates all acting like Gryffindorks.

In spite of that, everything else is quite interesting and for a Twin fic this is very good. Provisional 4/5, but I won't actually rate it till I see 40k words.

 

I sort of like this. I know the author has a massive hard on for Dark!Harry stories, whereas I don't really enjoy them too much. To me, dark!Harry is so ooc character it's insane. Nature v Nuture, or whatever, but all canon!Harry really wants is to make it through all the crap, be acknowledged as something other than the BWL (or in this case, the BWL's brother) and live his life. He doesn't want to rule over the unwashed masses, and being acknowledged as a big bad mofo dark lord doesn't count.

I'll give this a 3.5, or even further a 3.75. It's decent, but this story, to me is one wrong step from crashing and burning.

 

Harry's character seems a little too contrived for perfect reading, but other than small things like that it's a fairly good find.

I'm not going to bother rating it, though, until Harry ends up in Durmstrang (on that note I find it extraordinarily weird that Harry raised in a loving environment didn't consult with his parents before making the monumentally huge decision to shift schools and country - ignoring the author's token insert in Flitwick's aside).

 

It's not like the Ravenclaws are actually shown as being very smart in canon. Using the free time in Binns class to finish their homework isn't some crazy OOC activity. In fact, there's actually canon evidence that they engage in petty harassment of their housemates who don't fit in (Luna). So I don't see the contrivance at all.

I quite like this so far. Harry's very far from being "super", he hasn't even really done much more than Hermione could do, let alone what Tom Riddle could. The acid test will definitely be Durmstrang, although it's worth noting that nothing in the story says he actually ends up there. It's possible his parents will just say WTF no, in fact he'll have to come up with a plausible reason why they don't.

 

God damn it. I had really hoped that I could get a few more chapters out before this made it onto the 'For Review' thread.

I am the author known as Pureb99 on fanfiction.net, and this is my story.

First, let me say that my previous work is complete and utter shit. The dialogue sucks, the grammar is poor, the plots are cliché, and, as someone else mentioned, I had a hard on for Dark!Evil!Harry.

I know this story is significantly better than anything else I've written, but I still have problems doing good creative writing (I think I'm just to analytic at times). So, any comments about how to improve my style would be greatly appreciated.

I'm not going to make Durmstrang a super school of dark magic. The curriculum will be practically the same as Hogwarts. There won't be classes on soul magic, blood magic, or necromancy. I'll leave that to Miranda Flairgold.

I will also limit the number of OC's Harry is exposed to at Durmstrang. I tried to show in the first two chapters that Harry isn't a particularly good people person. He has trouble making friends and he is very insecure. That will carry over at Durmstrang.

Hmm...as far as making Durmstrang superior to Hogwarts. Yeah, you're right, but I needed it to make future chapters work. So, I stand by the decision, but agree it wasn't a particularly good moment in the story.

As far as the Ravenclaws treatment of Harry, I've had a few people point out that that was odd. Honestly, I didn't see this as strange. I see everyone in Ravenclaw as kids, not a group of young geniuses or Hermione Grangers. Most kids tend to procrastinate, be lazy at times, and ask other kids for help (remember that one Ravenclaw didn't ask Harry to do his homework for him, just for some help on a question).

Maybe you think I'm wrong about this, but I'm looking at it from my background. I went to a very good private high school, and the amount of cheating and sharing of answers was insane. It didn't matter if you had a 98 average and were accepted to Yale or some over-privileged stoner, everyone helped someone out at some point.

I'll have more on Flitwick in the next chapter, but it wasn't my intention to show him being discouraging. I tried to put myself in his shoes. He has a very good student, but it's still early in his education (I think Harry had only been in school for a month). Remember at this point, the first years hadn't even learned the levitation spell yet. So, I don't see Flitwick as being discouraging...just taking a more wait and see approach.

As far as the Gryffindorish-Ravenclaws, this is how I see it. The Potters have been in a self-imposed exile since Voldemort tried to kill them. We know from canon that wizard families told their children the story of the bwl, so there were probably all kinds of rumors floating around about Nathan. It would only be natural for the Ravenclaws to ask Harry about him. Yeah, they did so in a really poor way, and Harry certainly didn't handle the situation well, but they are just a group of 11 year old kids. As far as their treatment of Harry, I see that as jealously on their part. Harry is the smartest person in a house that prides itself on being smart. He is also a loner and doesn't have particularly good social skills. That gives the other Ravenclaws all the incentive they need to pick on him.

Harry will not want to become a big bad mofo dark lord. It's not that kind of story. Harry will never challenge Dumbledore or Voldemort's power. It just wont happen.

More on that in the next chapter.

Edit: @ Dirk: Well, I guess I just answered the will he go to Durmstrang question.

 

Don't give too much away. It's a pretty good fic so far, but I think I'll wait a bit before rating. Harry's personality reminds me of myself, except instead of reading texts in the library for hours I just go smoke some reefer and watch a documentary before deciding to play video games.

 

I liked it. Looking forward to the next chapter, although, for me, it's too early to rate.

 

Usually I'm against putting here fics with one or two chapters, but this one definitely belongs in the library (so far). It is too early for me to rate it, though.

I find interactions between Harry and his peers perfectly logical. As for Durmstrang, I hope Harry doesn't go there. Creating a whole new school would require huge amounts of OCs, which, in turn, would require a lot of skill from the author. I already like this story too much to want to risk such a huge fuck-up.

 

This has a LOT of potential, and from what i've seen so far, its excellent.

The others covered all, and more than I would of said about it. I hope you can truly do Durmstrang well, i've yet to enjoy a fic with Harry at another school. I like the familiarity of Hogwarts.

Either way, I would suggest putting chapter 3 up in the WBA. If anything, it really will help to improve your story.

 

@ Santi: Dude, the DLP WbA subforum could be a great asset for you and help turn this story from a great solid beginning, to an epic piece of fanfiction.

Is the fast pace of your story going to continue once you're into Durmstrang? It's understandable to brush most of PS as we've all been there and seen it all, in Durmstrang which is a completel unknown, the fast pace of your story could leave me feeling a jarred.

 

I'd rather a fast-paced story, at least at the beginning, to avoid reading 100k words about Harry's first week of school which I don't really care that much about. Most authors lose themselves in pointless chapters about pointless things that they either forget their plot or the boring descriptions of Harry's classes overshadow the weak plot.

While I liked the quicker pace, a few of the "key" moments weren't maybe all that well chosen - like the Ravenclaw which asked Harry for help. I can't really see that kind of thing be the "final straw" which convinced Harry about changing school for good. Sure, it may be annoying, but it's not something I would care if someone asked me.

Overall, I liked the story, and I'm hoping the next update will come shortly. 4/5.

 

I liked it so far. If you are concerned with the quality, I can only recommend the Work by Authors section. You'll get more help there.

 

Honestly, I didn't like the first chapter at all. The plot is decent, but Harry's character is just a masculine version of Hermione, for all intents and purposes. He says things on the Hogwarts Express that Hermione said in PS, and him succeeding effortlessly in the Levitation and Featherweight charms was too far. I guess I could stomach him using the Levitation charm, with a bit of concentration, because he had his wand for a bit. But I don't even recall the Featherweight charm being in first year curriculum.

James and Lily had no reason to send Harry and his brother to Hogwarts, it seems. They raised their children in seclusion, until the kids were old enough to go to Hogwarts. This would probably work, if the kids weren't famous.

Did they not think that the two would be murdered at Hogwarts, where seventeen year old pureblood fanatics are being taught dangerous magic? Did they think it better to raise their children unaware of very real dangers, such as being overrun by fans?

Harry and his brother's personality types are already decided by the time they've gotten onto the Hogwarts Express. Harry will go through school intellectually curios, and he will eventually be guided towards the Dark avenue, either on his own or with help from older 'friends'.

The twin, who's name I can't remember, will try to be a light-hearted Quidditch fanatic, who pranks people with hand-me-downs from his father and is similar to James in many ways. He may eventually become serious, but if he does, it will be caused by a death of one of his friends, or because of Harry's leaning dark tendencies. He may also have a raging hate-on for a student in the school, who will be forever refered to by a nickname relating to whining, crying or sniveling.

This is just the first chapter, though. I decided not to continue reading, because not only is there just two chapters so far anyway, I get the feeling I would get nothing from this. It's a good story, compared to other twin-who-lived's, sure. But that doesn't make it quality work on it's own.

I would rate the first chapter a 3/5, but I'm going to withhold rating until there are a few more chapters to read.

 

Well I like what's been written so far. The pacing is particularly nice, it feels fast enough to avoid boredom but has enough detail so as to not feel rushed.

It isn't exactly a prime example of writing quality, but it passes the time without making me want to tear my hair out.

4/5