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Complete The Grass is Always Greener by kbo - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by carvell, Jun 22, 2008.

  1. carvell

    carvell Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    UK
    Title: The Grass Is Always Greener
    Author: kbo
    Rating: T
    Genre: Drama/Drama/Romance
    DLP Category:Romance
    Pairing: HP/DG
    Chapters: 8
    Words: 100,620
    Updated: Jan 14, 2009
    Published: Jun 19, 2008
    Status: Complete

    Summary: During the second term of Harry’s sixth year, he ends up saving Daphne Greengrass from a fate worse than death. To repay him, she teaches him Occlumency and they get to know each other well enough to learn that labels are not always useful, and that treasures can be found in unusual places. Vaguely follows events found in book 6.

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4334542/1/

    I won't say this is the best thing I have read this week but I found this to be a good read to pass the time,

    3.5/5


    Checked by Minion, March 8, 2015
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2015
  2. slasheh

    slasheh Seventh Year

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    290
    mmmmh
    it's a decent start of a story, but i must admit i am wary of kb0. He writes well but his stories are so sweet i get diabetes from reading them....
    I'll rate and write a longer review when he has posted more
     
  3. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    This was a very good start IMHO, later chapters will show us if this should get a place in the Library. This author hasn't been afraid of deviating from canon in the past, so I'm expecting quite a few interesting plot developments in future chapters. Didn't mind this take on Occlumency, not expecting that to be the case with everyone here, however.

    4.5/5
     
  4. watersoft12

    watersoft12 Looked into the void

    Joined:
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    This sucks balls, couldn't get through ten percent of the first chapter before I was like WTF THIS DIALOGUE IS SO CORNY!

    Then I clicked on the little x button, and I was alright again.

    Three problems with this story:

    1. What was HP doing wandering around in the dungeons?
    2. Why was Greengrass so INTENT on returning a goddam favor? Not realistic at all. She would have just said, kthxbi and walked away.
    3. Why did HP admit that he was getting occlumency lessons, and why did he feel so much remorse at Snape pulling the memory out of his mind? instead of righteous anger?

    This whole thing screams pussy whipped HP. Fuck that.

    1/5
     
  5. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    1. Harry was using the Map to follow Malfoy, I thought that was obvious.

    2. The implications of Malfoy's actions were quite clear. Not making Daphne thankful would have made her into nothing but a two-dimensional Slytherin, IMHO.

    3. Doing a complete 180° from canon!Harry would certainly not have been realistic. Those thoughts probably won't happen again, so I'm willing to let them slide, for now.

    All in all, I think you need some much better reasons to justify a 1/5 rating.
     
  6. Lucullus

    Lucullus High Inquisitor

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    Harry is a fucking pussy-shit in this fic, and Daphne is of course the "Ice Queen". How original. Fuck this, I say.

    Even the H/Daphne pairing can't save this shit. 1/5
     
  7. Inziladun

    Inziladun First Year

    Joined:
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    I could like it because I enjoy HP/Daphne, however, they become friends too fast, I could understand that she teaches him occlumency, as she is in his debt, however, I don't find the way their friendship develops realistic, and I didn't like Harry's naivete, even if Daphne seems to find it so great...

    I'll vote when there is more written.
     
  8. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    Writing style is good, but the story itself feels a bit off. Daphne doesn't really act like a Slytherin. Other than her mind arts, she doesn't have any characteristic expected from what little we know of her. There isn't even a moment of suspicion and mistrust between Harry and Daphne. Not for a second does she try to use him, nor does he question her affiliation with the Dark Lord and others in her house. They just click together, like they had always been friends and there are no years of mistrust and ideological differences between them.

    Don't get me wrong, this setup isn't exactly as bad is it can occasionally get in fanfiction (they don't profess undying love for each other in first chapter), but it's far from realistic. There's a certain way to write 'forbidden romance', as well as Gryffindor/Slytherin sub-variant of it, and this definitely isn't it. Considering this author only ever wrote H/G romances, it obviously hampered their objectivity and ruined the cold-to-hot build up we expected to see in this sort of story.

    On the upside, this story is REALLY easy to read. There's no angst, no infuriatingly long and honest monologues a la Jeconias and Kinsfire, and definitely no whiny and bitchy Harry. His character had progressed nicely from the unimpressive in-canon start, as well as had his skills, which always makes flawed stories easier to take.

    Overall, a fine way to pass some time, but far from the best (or even excellent) Gryff/Slyth romance.
     
  9. Bukay

    Bukay Professor DLP Supporter

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    It's a decent piece of writing, although nothing exceptional.

    An interesting way of dealing with Malfoy, than some chit-chat and boom! Harry has a personal, female, occlumency tutor... not to mention that she is good-looking, mysterious and from Slytherin...
    There will be some drama as her fate is uncertain (arranged marriage). Will Harry save her from marrying some unknown wizard? Will he tell everyone that a Gryffindor is falling for Slytherin??

    Well, that's about all to say about the plot... It IS a romance fic in the end.
    3/5
     
  10. Myst

    Myst Headmaster

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    This isn't bad but nor is it good. This is a perfect example of a 3 star Recycle Bin story.

    3/5
     
  11. Othalan

    Othalan Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Fail. Not an epic fail, but a fail none-the-less. The writing was decent; no grammar mistakes that I could spot (though really, my eyes tended to glaze over large portions, usually when the characters opened their mouths), and good diction, but that was pretty much its only redeeming quality.

    Mainly, it's the "Ice Queen" cliche, which irritates the fuck out of me, because it's used with every single Slytherin girl when an author wants to do a Harry/(Insert-Slytherin-Girl's-Name-Here) pairing. Then, the author doesn't even have the decency to follow through with that "Ice Queen" crap. Daphne turns out to be a funny, open, trusting, affectionate girl.

    Her characterization just kills the whole thing, not to mention the dialogue between her and Harry. It's so disgustingly sweet, it makes me want to choke a kitten. Somebody gag me. You know what, I don't think that'll do the trick. Somebody shoot me in the fucking face.

    2/5
     
  12. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    Weak Harry and Hufflepuff-esque Daphne. Didn't enjoy this at all, but it's better than a lot of stuff out there. 2.9/5

    EDIT: G-Spot.
     
  13. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Huh - I dunno. I agree with many of the comments, I didn't care for the silly cliches like "the Ice Queen" or "tall statuesque golden blonde". On the other hand, I do like how it fits reasonably well into the HBP book (sort of), although the "butterfly fluttering" at Ginny did annoy me a bit. Still, the lightning-quick buddy-buddy "she was a wonderful person" transition was a bit much - I can't say this is an above-average story in any way at all. Plus the cliched phrases like "tell me something I don't know" annoyed me. I like where the story is going, so I'm sticking with it for now. It's clear the author hasn't quite been completely infected by the cliches out there, so I'm holding out hope.

    Purely 3/5
    -J
     
  14. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    My favourite part of this fic was what others have apparently disliked: how unSlytherin Daphne is. Despite all the references to being an "Ice Queen", she's depicted as just a normal teenage girl. She's able to smile - a new facial expression for a Slytherin - and seems generally upbeat and happy.

    I'm definitely a fan of that, because it feels so much more real. I highly doubt that teenagers turn into political animals just because of being in Slytherin. It's still just a school.

    That, combined with the easy to read writing gains this fic a 3/5 from me. Unfortunately, it goes no higher due to the use of cliches, the sheer amount of convenience and lack of plot, and the fact that, while the writing is good, it's not that good.

    3/5
     
  15. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    It's still early to rate this one. (One chapter in on a four-chapter arc; I try not to rate until halfway through a piece).

    Yeah, it's kb0, but to be fair, his stories' quality has been improving somewhat with his last couple. The opener for Lily's Child, for instance, is pretty decent.

    I think my reservations with the piece parallel IP's. While it's generally well written, aside from the pacing of the romance (which has been discussed already), something about Daphne's behavior just doesn't sit right. It's almost like she's holding back. For instance, the "Rapist" graffiti on Malfoy should have been done with permanence, prominently etched across his pureblood brow, ala Hermione's "Sneak". When a Slytherin gets her revenge, she does it Ender Wiggen style--they don't get up and challenge you again. Ever.

    kb0's Daphne is more the Diet Coke of Slytherin, only a little bad and even that isn't really "bad" so much as misunderstood. The author isn't committed to Harry's falling for a true Slytherin. Pity, that. He has the talent to write such a story, if only he'd let himself.
     
  16. Othalan

    Othalan Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    True, but even if you are normal, you still have to act like a stone-cold bitch consistently to earn the "Ice Queen" moniker. Daphne just didn't. And I don't buy the "she's grateful for being rescued" argument. From the way she handled Crabbe and Goyle while Harry just stood there and gawked like a fucking retard, she probably could have handled the situation on her own. For whatever reason, the author wanted a sickly-sweet pile of sugar, and was willing to sacrifice good characterization for that end. In my book, that equals Fail.
     
  17. slasheh

    slasheh Seventh Year

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    You know, one thing i have to defend her about is the "Ice Bitch" nickname. I have known two girls who were usually described as such, and both were capable of being warm and friendly persons in private.
    Usually Ice Bitch means that they wear a mask in public, for whatever reason (one was because all the boys in her school were jerks, which is kind of how i imagine Daphne. If you were "forced" to be in a House with Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Flint, Pucey etc. would you be a friendly and outgoing person?) the second was rather rich so she was always scared that people were after her for the money and held herself aloof because of that.

    As i read the situation Malfoy had her at his mercy (wand drawn and two goons as backup). When Harry took out Malfoy the other two were too shocked to react well, which frankly is a pretty normal reaction.

    If you dislike the story fine, but if you want to flame it at least make a decent argument.
     
  18. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    And neither of them would just open up to some random guy after 5 minutes of talk. Even if the guy saved them or helped them in some fashion, their first thought should be "this is some ploy" or "oh great, now I must act nice towards him".

    We haven't seen anything like this in Daphne's reaction, despite additional unfavourable circumstances like unfriendly houses or Harry's reputation in Slytherin. Thus, I agree with Shadowmage that Daphne's fast friendship with Harry is definitely suspect, as well as her overall characterization.
     
  19. Boofers

    Boofers Groundskeeper

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    Congratulations..
     
  20. Orm Embar

    Orm Embar Auror

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    The plot in this story in this story is so rife with coincidences, you have to watch where you step. Although chalk full of fluff, the writing in and of itself is good, which earns it a 3/5 in my book. Incidentally, it occurred to me that this could be a great beginning for a plot involving Harry getting led on by a Slytherin working for the Dark Lord.
     
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